It's kind of strange... for the past 3 months, I have been so unbelieveably focused on getting a job...I did all the things that one should do...and it worked...I got a job. So why am I so sad??
Well, there are a few reasons....I am mourning the loss of my unending free time. Today is my "last" free day, being that it's a weekday and I have the time to sit here and blog at my leisure. I went into my new employer's office on Monday to pick up some paperwork and to get the directions for my lovely drug test. I read the handbook with the really seriously stringent dress code. Ugh. I am now stressing out over finding many pairs of plain black slacks so that I know I will always be in compliance with this dress code. I also need shoes...ugh. This is FLORIDA...wearing closed shoes is absolutely STIFLING in the summer- and summer pretty much lasts all year round down here. I guess I am pretty annoyed knowing that someone else will own not only my time for 40+ hours a week, but they also dictate what I can wear. I take exception to this as a creative soul. It bothers me b/c I dress well even in jeans and a top...I never look sloppy. I hate that others ruin it for the whole group. Apparently this stringent dress code went into effect this past Monday in response to people constantly violating it. Idiots! I can't wear jeans on Fridays because some idiots wore dirty or cut off jeans. What pisses me off even more..is that CAPRI PANTS aren't even allowed. Again...this is FLORIDA...they make CAREER looking capris that look pretty professional...but guess what? No one is allowed to wear them. In fact, you can't even wear CROPPED pants at all! If it's more than 3 inches above the ankle, you can't wear them, you will get sent home to change and a black mark goes in your file. Ugh.
I haven't even started and I am already annoyed. That is not good at all. I am supposed to be excited to start up a new opportunity...instead I am dreading it. I know I sound like a petulant child, but I can't help it....I waited years to get a new job, and it's not the ideal job for me. Not to mention the pay is $8000 less per year than I was making and the "bonus" that I was enticed with isn't included in my compensation. After I got roped in, I was told that the bonus is an end of the year performance based bonus. Again, I was not given any info on that..I was told that I would be given the detals of that on my first day.
I hate to sound so negative about this...but at this point in time I am pretty unhappy with the situation. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and I have no choice but to take this job because there is just no jobs out there...I am lucky to have found any job...and it pays better than the local retail job at the mall or grocery store.
Ugh.... I am disgusted about this whole thing..... I need to win the lotto already...
That's it and that's all...
Update: So a little while ago I hear from my new boss, I had some questions regarding the compensation for this job, one of which was about the bonus that was supposed to be attached to it. He assured me that I would be eligible for a performance based bonus at the end of the year, etc, but could not put a dollar amount on it due to the fluid nature of it. So a few minutes after I get off the phone with him, the HR person calls me to follow up on his conversation. She tells me that my new boss was "misinformed" of the terms of the position. That this is an entry level position that is NOT eligible for any bonuses at all. So basically, I am really really screwed. And everyone wonders why I have had such a BAD feeling about this company. They have changed the terms on me now that I am at the hiring stage and it really really makes me uneasy about how this company practices. I was told that this position I am filling is a newly created one and that it has been set by corporate to be at an entry level job grade, and those don't get bonuses. The next job grade up from this one IS eligible for bonuses. I asked her what the terms were with that position, hoping that I had something to work towards. I explained to her that I was told on 2 different occasions that the job is salary plus bonus AND that this position is a huge pay cut from what I was making prior. She said that she felt bad that I was misinformed, and that the guy was not totally in sync with what HR does. She said that is why they do the offer letter, and that things are in writing. She told me that I have to be in this entry level position for 6 months before I can move to any other positions in the company. Of course, when I originally asked about waiting periods, the new boss told me that promotions are done on merit. I am afraid to ask about the pay raise system. I am so confused right now I don't know what to do. The HR person told me to take the day to think about it and call her back to let her know if I still wanted the position. And if I was to still start on Monday, she said to let her know what time I wanted to come in. God how I wish I could just win the lottery this weekend so I don't even HAVE to do this. I feel like I am right back where I was before in the XYZ Asshole Company. I spent too many years being unhappy in a company and a job that I hated. I despise the idea of doing that to myself again- and being paid even LESS on top of it. I seriously wish the earth could swallow me up and make me disappear. I can't allow myself to be taken advantage of again. I just want so badly for things to go my way. I prayed so hard to get this job, and now that I got it...I wish I didn't. It's so not what I expected it to be. I deserve SO much better than this, I really do. The sad thing is, I know that I will still accept the job and show up there on Monday..but the residue of the deception will always linger with me. This blog is the only outlet that I have to say all of this. My family expects me to take the job, my Hubby expects me to take the job. All of my friends expect me to take this job. The market is horrendous and there are no jobs to be found right now. It makes me sad to know that I am devaluing myself by taking this job. Lord help me, I don't know if I will ever be able to be happy again. I think I prefer being unemployed. This is pure torture for me.
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