Adjusting to Motherhood

The baby is 2 weeks old today- and I have to say, he is the most precious thing in the world to me, I love him unconditionally and with no reservations. However, I am really really worn out. Round the clock feedings every 3 hours (I am breast feeding) and the intermittent crying jags have me totally sleep deprived. Hubby was home with me this week to help out, but he goes back to work on Monday and then I am totally alone with the baby and I am really nervous about it. I am always fearful that something will happen when I am alone in the house and I am not even able to drive yet b.c of the healing from the C section. On top of that, I am also nervous about taking him out by myself once I am cleared to drive again. I have a lot of fears and it's really bad b/c even though I have always been on the nervous side, it seems to have intensified now that I have the baby. I waited 10 years to have this baby, and now I don't want to take any chances that he will be hurt or even uncomfortable in any way. I know it's irrational, but I don't know how to stop. Maybe this is the post partum depression that I have heard about... I do get a little weepy at times, but I attribute that to the hormones.

Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.

So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.

That's it and that's all for now....