It's Been Awhile....

I guess it's becoming a habit to only get in here to blog every 2 months- I think about blogging, and then inexplicably become distracted by some other thing, usually involving my son.

Speaking of my son, he is now 19 months old. He's still not saying a lot of words, he currently has about 9 words: Mama, Dada, Poppa (my father), ball, butt, what, no, hi & moon. He also says "uh-huh" instead of yes when I ask him if he wants something. I have yet to get him to say "milk", which I thought he would learn quickly because it's the one thing he always asks for- he uses the sign for milk instead of saying it. He will also sign "all done" and "more" and that's about it. He recently started waving Hi and Bye and using it appropriately. His Pediatrician thinks he may have a speech delay, and I am supposed to check again at 22 months if he's not using more words he will have to go for evaluation and speech therapy. Since his 18 month checkup he went from 2-3 words to the 9 I mentioned, so he picked up a bunch this month. Hopefully he will get caught up- I really hope so, it makes me worry that he has a developmental delay. I always have the fear that he could be autistic like my nephew, who is the only other male grandchild on this side of the family. Autism affects boys more than girls, and does have a genetic connection, although we don't know of anyone with this disorder in our family, so we are not sure which side of the family has the gene- mine or my husband's, or in the case of my sister- her side or her husband's. It's never shown up before so we have no idea. So as a result, I am hyper-aware of every stage of development with my son, I am always watching for the outward signs. So far the only thing that has any concern is the language development. He seems to be social, looks people in the eye, although he is shy with new people. That could be his personality, and that in itself is not an autistic trait. He also started pointing and he does play with blocks and other toys. So this may just be a speech delay, and in that case it is easily remedied with the correct therapy. I work with him every day naming objects, and showing him things like turning on the light switch, closing the door, opening the refrigerator- all of which he LOVES to do REPEATEDLY btw... he definitely like to learn new things, so that is great. I love when he brings me his book and points to the picture of the moon- he tells me "Mun, Mun" that's how he pronounces it, lol! He also loves the picture of the monkey in the book, although he can't say that word yet. Other favorite pictures are of a girl, a goat, an elephant and a flag. Maybe these will be the next words, that remains to be seen. Another favorite thing is music- he LOVES music and dances when he hears a song he likes. He's especially fond of "Yo Gabba Gabba", "Jack's Big Music Show", "The Backyardigans" and "The Fresh Beat Band." He loves the Laurie Berkner Band, Moose and Zee, and all of the musical interludes on Nick Jr. There's a song called "Papa Moko Jumbie" that he just LOVES when it comes one..he dances to it all excitedly. So cute!!

As you can tell, I have been pretty busy with my baby lately- between work, and taking him for his swimming lessons, and shuttling him back and forth to Grandma's house, I have so little time in the day. It's gonna get more hectic starting next week because my boss leaves for China on this coming Tuesday and will be gone for 3 weeks. He had planned the trip prior to this, but had to move it up unexpectedly when we discovered that our Chinese vendors are running behind in our shipments that are supposed to get here right in the heart of our busy season. Our leadtime for product is 60 days and some of the orders are already going to be a month late and they haven't even hit production yet. My boss feels that if he is on-site then his presence will ensure that they get going on our orders and don't put anyone else's in front of ours. It's the only tactic he has to make sure we get our delivery on time, or else risk the wrath of the almighty Wal-Mart. We are going to lose some of their business come February as it is, as they have decided to take our lower level product out of their stores in favor of a competitor's, but they are keeping the premium level product. The problem is, the premium level product has less of a profit margin on it as we pay fees for the branding on them, whereas our lower level brand product (which Wal-Mart has as their store brand) is completely ours and even though it is cheaper, we make more money on it. The loss of this business is going to completely derail our 2011 sales, and to combat it we have started rolling out a new product to our international customers that we are trying to get sold here in the US. Right now we have no national distribution of this product, but our marketing department is courting the larger retail chains to get them interested. To sweeten the pot, we are offering all kinds of discounts and incentives to the retailers that take us on- and a FREE national TV ad campaign that mentions which store you can buy it at. You can't beat free promotion for your store. My company is going to put up 5 mil just for the advertising, so you know it's a serious deal. We need to replace the lost Wal-Mart sales, and for my peace of mind I hope they do. I'd hate to be job hunting again after finally finding a great job that I love. Keep your fingers crossed on this one.

Now for a Shell update: basically, she hasn't called or anything since her birthday in June. So the update is, there is nothing to tell. However, I have decided to not be bothered with her anymore. I just can't stay on the rollercoaster wondering if and when she'll return my calls or messages, or continue to think and over think why she doesn't respond, or obsess over what I possibly did to her to make her not speak to me anymore. It's too much energy to waste on someone who obviously doesn't give a crap about me. I need to move on from it. So that is my decision- let the friendship go, let it go to the great big friendship graveyard and be free of it. I have always been the one who kept the friendship alive and it takes 2 people to maintain one. She gave up reciprocating, therefore so will I. My only regret is not coming to this conclusion sooner than I did. Perhaps I never wanted to face the fact that I will truly be alone and not have a best friend any longer. The fact is- I haven't had a best friend for many years, and although I dearly miss having a best friend, I have been able to get by without her. Having my son and the responsibility of parenting helped to clarify this - I need to give 100% of my energy to worthy pursuits that enable me to be the best Mother I could possibly be. If there is something that mentally or emotionally takes me out of that zone, it's taking away from my son, and I can't allow that to happen. I need to be mentally happy and healthy for my boy, period. Therefore, it is with great sadness that I make this decision, however, the one priority I have is my son, and he will always come first. I don't have time for conditional friendships or part-time friends. My time is too valuable, and my mental health and emotional health are too valuable.

So I will sign off on that note, and hopefully things will return to normal, if there ever was normal to begin with !! :0)

That's it and that's all!!