35 Weeks and on the job hunt again

I got the bad news yesterday.....I am losing my job AGAIN....getting laid off for the 2nd time in just under a year. I am still in shock. I am being kept on until I go out for maternity leave- they will pay me for the 6 weeks, then after that I get a big 2 weeks severance pay. I already contacted a labor lawyer and basically I can't pursue any legal action b/c they have covered their bases. They are "eliminating" my position, and b/c it's being eliminated, they don't have to guarantee me a job to come back to after the baby, not to mention, I didn't even get an entire year of service in, my anniversary date is April 21st. So I didn't even stand a chance.

Looking back on the past few months, I don't know if there were any obvious signs. I think that once I got the Dr's note that limited my hours of work to only 40 hrs per week, I think that got them thinking that I would not be able to continue working 50 + hours a week once the baby was born. Realistically, I kept thinking this myself- how the hell was I going to be able to do that job with a newborn? Working at least 7 am to 5 pm (with some days required to stay until 6 pm) and trying to nurse the baby was going to be next to impossible. I wondered how I was going to be able to pump during the day also. I doubt that they would have been accomodating to allow me the access to a private area (not a bathroom) to pump. I think they just didn't want to deal with the potential sick days I'd have to take if the baby was sick, and the leaving early to take him to the Dr's, etc. I think they they started planning this as soon as they saw that I was pregnant. Of course, it is impossible to prove that this was the reason. But in the depths of my soul I KNOW that is what happened. They refused to give me any kind of performance evaluation, I should have had some sort of merit raise after 6 months... I never was made eligible for the bonuses, despite the fact that I took over a higher level position that should have been entitled to it. I knew that this was not the best company, but I was happy that I was employed, and now I am in a spot where I won't have a 3 month severance to carry me like last year. I don't know what I am going to do....but I must reinvent myself again. Perhaps this is the time now that I should completely switch gears and go into a different field altogether. Something medical- they always need people in medical. It's a serious consideration, I don't want to fall victim to another corporation that will lay you off with no concern at all.

Despite the shock, I don't really have any roots at the place. I never made any close friends there. I was always wary of people's intentions and their allegiances. It's just as well. I guess you could say that I can move on easier because I am less emotionally invested in the place. The layoff is not due to performance, but to lost business, etc. Even with the lost business, they gained more big business in it's place, so I really think it's an excuse to get rid of the preggo..but whatever.


I will have to start over, and rise from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix once again.

That's it and that's all....

30 weeks today!

It's been a few months since I have posted any blogs. I have been so busy that I haven't had the time...let me get caught up here....

1st- I am 30 weeks pregnant today- I am well into my 7th month of my pregancy and things have finally started to feel real. I have had a hard go of it these past 7 months...from the constant sickness the first trimester, to the stress and trip to the hospital in my 2nd trimester. The job has made things harder, I will explain more in the next part. As far as the baby goes, we still don't have a name for him. We can't really agree on one. My family has been very vocal with suggestions...most of which I detest. My husband's mother had some suggestions that I did not like either. The fact that she said to me, "I'm not going to say any other names because you won't use them because I suggested them." pretty much sums up the situation. She also made a comment that she hopes I use a simple, normal name... not one of those new names that all the celebrities use these days. Just for spite I should name him Table or Knife Block....something stupid..but then again, that only punishes the poor baby. I want to remain original, yer not bizarre. It's a fine line, a very hard one I admit.

We have started his room, getting it ready....we installed new carpets and received his nursery furniture all before Thanksgiving. Now all we need to do is clear out the closet. That is considerably harder to do. It needs to be done before the baby shower- which will be on January 10th. That's another whole blog topic on it's own. I will save that one for the next time.

2nd- Now on to the job. Let's see, I am on my 3rd boss since I started there. The first one was fired 3 weeks after I started, then the 2nd one came in July, only to leave in September due to a health problem. The 3rd is a lady who came from corporate was the trainer for the company and she's pretty knowledgeable. She has been helpful, but of course there were more changes. I inherited someone else's desk that decided to transfer to another division. I inherited a NIGHTMARE of work that I am still trying to sort out and it's been over 6 weeks since she left. Then I found out 3 days ago that they are restructuring again and that now I won't be reporting to the guy that I was reporting to- who I have really liked and worked well with- but to the other manager, who I can't stand. Things are in constant motion there...it's a stressful environment- so much so that about a month ago I ended up in the hospital with contractions. The Dr. threatened bed rest, but I told her I couldn't do that...I wasn't working there long enough to be entitled to FMLA. So she wrote me a note dictating that I am only allowed to work 8 hrs per day for the duration of the pregnancy. So now I am working 7:30 to 4 pm- I love the hours they are what I have always wanted to work- but it's only temporary. The one good thing is that I am less stressed just knowing that I have my work schedule guaranteed by the Dr's note. And it's not like I'm working less than 40 hrs....so they can't say that I am not earning my paycheck. Prior to this note, I was working a consistent 50-55 hr week and it was only getting worse with the holiday rush approaching. So it was a Godsend that I got that Dr's note. Everything happens for a reason. Now I pray that I can find another job after the baby comes that has more normal hours. I know that the work schedule that they expect is unreasonable with a baby. Especially since I intend to nurse him for as long as I can. The economy is so terrible these days, it will be a daunting task to find new employment. But I will still keep my eyes open, because the job won't come to me- I learned that from working at the other place. I am glad to be out of there....I can't believe it's been almost a year. It's been about a year since I got the insulting jar of M&Ms as the corporate holiday gift too. You know I still have that jar, and some of the M&M's are in there...I keep it to remind me of how bad a job could be. As hard as I work at this new place, I at least have a real function there- what I do makes a difference. It's a different vibe. I am still a cog in the machine..but this machine is more efficient and better than that other one. Hey, at least we got a Turkey for Thanksgiving- it was only 11 1/2 lbs- but it was the gesture that counts.

Speaking of Thanksgiving- 2008 marked the first time that I hosted Thanksgiving in my home. I have been married for 10 years and this was the first holiday that I have done myself. It turned out pretty nice. We were 10 people all together- my in laws, my parents, and my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew. Other than the stress of cleanup- which my house is STILL not perfect over a week afterwards...it was a success. I may be inclined to do it again in the future..just not the immediate future- my little baby boy will be a handful for a little while and it may not be possible to do it. We will have to wait and see.

So, that's the story for now. I promise to get on here more often so I can chronicle how I feel being pregnant, and other stuff that happens.

That's it and that's all for now....

19 weeks....

Well, I had my 2nd trimester ultrasound on Friday and to my surprise and shock.....


It has taken a couple of days to get used to the idea...I was so positive that it would be a girl, I had a name picked for a girl, and a pretty pink theme for the nursery too...Oh well, I have to start over again now...but it's much harder b/c it's much harder to choose for boys from names to themes...it's just plain difficult. Hubby and I can't agree on anything at all...so this is going to be a LONG road for me....

The plus side is that the baby looked healthy and normal in the ultrasound, I seem to be doing well, all of my stuff is normal, so that's really the most important thing. And I have been feeling a little bit better too (although I still don't sleep 100% well.)

OK back to my normal color..lol... I wanted to give an update on A. He called me last week to see how I was doing, to brag about his promotion at work, and to remind me that the 2 year anniversary of that infamous Friday night was coming up. ( It is actually today to be exact.) I think he is reminiscing about that whole thing for whatever reason. I flat out asked him if he and B had been fighting, and he denied it..but I know better. He only talks to me about that night when he is on the rocks with her. Guaranteed they are having problems again and I would not be surprised if he was stepping out on her with some other chick (probably his assistant, that suits his style- he likes being in the power position.) I find it completely pathetic that he tried to rekindle that memory with me, especially since I have spent 2 years trying to forget it and recover from the hurt and shame that he caused me. I moved on with my life...why can't he do the same thing? Shell says that it's the best thing that he moved away b.c he would have destroyed my entire life if he had stayed here...he is complete poison...

Anyways,,,

That's it and that's all for now.... I'm gonna be a MOMMY!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! :)

16 weeks today

It' s been a few months since I have written anything. I have intended to, but as they say... the road is paved with good intentions. I guess this will be an update of the events of my pregnancy up to this point. I am 16 weeks today- I am solidly in my 2nd trimester and am not having the sickness like in the beginning. Months 1 and 2 and half of 3 were pretty brutal. 24 hours a day of morning sickness, which I have renamed ALL DAY sickness. The nausea was so bad that I got no relief even as I slept. I would be woken up in the middle of the night to a roiling tummy full of acid and be able to nothing other than eat crackers and dry heave. There is nothing worse than plain nausea, because at least if you could throw up it would be some sort of relief of the symptoms of nausea, but I am not one to throw up easily. In fact, I think I only threw up once the entire pregnancy so far, and that is because of a smell I encountered in the garbage can that was so revolting it turned my stomach inside out. I endured a constant bad taste in my mouth for a couple weeks, constant acid churning in my stomach, breast tenderness like I have NEVER experienced in my life, to the point where I had to wear a bra 24/7 for about 2 months. The symptoms of pregnancy have been no picnic for me indeed. As of now, my current complaints are smell sensitivity, where everything smells gross to me, even foods I previously liked, and even the smell of fabric softener like Snuggle, is so pungent to me that I can taste it and it makes me gag. I still wake up at night a couple of times to pee, and of course after that I am no longer able to fall back asleep. There was one day this week that I woke up at 1:15 am and stayed up until about 4 am, and then had to get up for the day at 5 am to go to work. Needless to say I was a zombie that day. In fact, this morning I woke at 3:15 to pee, and was soo restless that I finally got up and 4:30 am and got on the computer to check email. I figured I would be better off using the time to get something accomplished, so that's what I did.

As for my health, I am doing well, I have gained a lot of weight about 20 lbs since I found out I was preggo, that is on top of already having gained 20 lbs from the LA Weight Loss days...so I am already 40 lbs in the hole and look it. I keep saying how the heck do people always think pregnant women are beautiful? Not this preggo woman...I think I am the most hideous one ever, My skin has been hijacked by hormonal acne eruptions that I can't get a handle on b/c I can't even use my Proactiv anymore. It's truly tragic... lol

The baby of course is doing well. I will find out the sex on 9/19 with my ultrasound appt. I was at the Dr's the other day and I got to hear the heartbeat. It was a good, strong heartbeat, and the previous ultrasounds I had were good. The Dr tells me everything looks great. I endure all the unpleasantness just so I can know that one fact. All I want is a healthy, happy, beautiful baby. I am looking forward to seeing this little one soon.

After much contemplation and trepidation, I told work about my pregnancy. I felt it better to tell them sooner rather than later so that they are well aware of my situation and my needs to leave for Dr's appt, etc. I also wanted to make sure that they were well aware that they had to watch my stress level. So far they haven't really done that, as they have still stressed me to the max, but the thing is, I am allowed to freak and and lash out more and I don't get penalized for it. So that's a plus. ;)

Other than that, there is not much to say, other than I am starting to allow people to know about the pregnancy. All of my friends know, a majority of the family knows. A&B know, and B has insisted that she will travel here for my baby shower whenever I have it scheduled. My mother in law has insisted on planning the fete herself, and although I have concerns over that, it's a relief to my mom, who has no money at all to throw the shower, since my dad is still unemployed. That's a story for another time though. I don't have the energy to go into that situation in detail.


So that's it and that's all for now..... ;)

I can't believe it...but it's true!

I can't believe this has finally happened to me... I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! yahoo yippeeeeee!!!!

Isn't it strange how things in life come at you unexpectedly? Here I am, struggling in a new job...still learning the ropes....concentrating hard on that...and BAM! Next thing I realize that my period was 4 days late...... It's been late before....in fact once it was 5 days late, so I really didn't think it was possible...but I AM!!!!! Incredible....

6 months ago...I was absolutely desperate about achieving a pregnancy. I was told that I would need a fertility doctor. I'd have to go through cycles of hormones, etc in order to get pregnant. They told me that it wasn't highly likely that I could get pregnant naturally because of the endometriosis. They did say that I only had about a 6 month window before it could grow back after my surgery. My surgery was on 10/22/07. On 6/14/07 I found out that I was pregnant. It took almost 8 months...but it happened. And I firmly believe that it was in God's plan for me to lose my job at the other place, and get hired onto this new job before blessing me with this pregnancy. So far I have had 2 of my 3 wishes granted for 2008- I got a new job, and I got pregnant. The other wish was to win the lottery, or lose 50 lbs. LOL. Neither of those will come true any time soon. But you never know... everything I post about happens...So once again I am putting this out to the cosmos, you never know... ;)

So far, I have only told my sister and my best friend. Hubby and I have decided to wait until I can see the Dr. first before we tell our parents. My mother especially will be a nervous Nellie until the first trimester is over. I pray that I will have a healthy pregancy with a healthy baby.
So far I am unbelievably tired ALL the time. Can't stay awake past 9 pm. Workouts at the gym all of a sudden are really really tough on me. I seem to have lost my stamina. I thought it was because I had gained a bunch of weight... In fact, for the past 2 weeks I was on the Atkin's diet, and faithful to it, and couldn't understand why I wasn't dropping the weight....NOW I know....LOL. Of course dieting has to go out the window...but I plan to be as sensible as I can since I already am overweight to begin with. I have a lot of work to do with myself next year.

So for once this is a happy post, not so angst ridden. I will try to chronicle my pregnancy on here as much as I can, if I can remember to....that's another thing..I can't remember ANYTHING these days...it's insane!!

That's it and that's all for now...... :)

Going with the flow.....

So, as the weeks go by with this job, things get stranger and stranger. The VP that hired me got canned a week ago, and since then, things have been pretty weird at work. I think that they couldn't decide what to do with me, so they assigned me to the Big Man. The Big Man is about 5 ft 8 in tall and about 350 lbs. He resembles a beach ball with legs...except he is totally ADD. Lord help me. They decided that they want to teach me his area, so that I can cover for him when he goes on vacation in July. Let's just say that his department isn 't the easiest, and since he is the only one in it...I'd be responsible for the entire thing when he's gone. Needless to say, I don't think I am qualified to do his job, esp since he is a manager, and I am a peon. Aside from that, there is not a chance in hell that I will gain enough experience in 6 weeks that will enable me to do the job adequately. His are big shoes to fill, no pun intended.

I think they they are about ready to hand over some responsibilities to me in the next week or so. I'm apprehensive about it. It will be the first time in my career in purchasing that I will have lines all to myself. It's intimidating. It's scary as hell. I am being overdramatic and I know it. LOL!

I guess the only thing I can say at this point is that I am continuing to challenge myself on a daily basis with the work I am doing. I learn something new everyday. I am also keeping the idea of building my resume first and foremost. This place is not a long term career for me. I will burn out before I ever have a chance to make it a career company. But then again, we have no idea what will happen. All I know is that for some reason, the President of our division of Jackass Co. has been stopping by my desk on a daily basis to "check" on me and to see how I am doing. Now talk about intimidating. This guy comes off as an affable, grandfatherly type, (think Santa Claus but taller and not as portly)....but I can see through those sparkling blue eyes lies the soul of a businessman with killer instincts. I do not for one minute think that he is stopping by to see me because he has taken a liking to me. I truly believe that he is checking to see that they are getting me up to speed so that he is showing R.O.I. I am not producing yet, therefore I am a liability. I'm no dummy, I totally see what he is doing. I recognize sharks from my days at XYZ Asshole Co.

I found out there were more than a few reasons for the VP guy getting let go. I had to do quite a bit of digging to get answers. And I had to get it out of 3 different people and piece all 3 versions together. This is what I found out:

1) VP man had a personality clash with the new President of the division. Apparently they never got along from the start when the new Prez came to the division in February of this year.
2) There were 6 senior employees in the dept that quit within a 6 week period last year. They got fed up with the way he ran the department and jumped ship. I heard that they all called corporate on their anonymous tip line to make complaints as they left. All of those people went to the competition to work. It was a huge blow to this division to lose the experienced talent to the competitors. I am sure that was the first nail in the coffin for him.
3) He hired inexperienced and incompetent people in his desperate search to fill the vacated spots in the department. He was either hiring them all from off the street or from the lower levels in the company that had zero qualifications. Two of the girls he hired were really bad - one was originally hired to be his assistant, (she was the girl that drove the golf cart at his golf club) and promoted her within 2 months. The other he hired in to replace golf club girl as his assistant, and she was the bartender at the local bar that he frequented. Others that he hired were from customer service and although had been in the company for a little bit, they had zero buying experience. I found out that this division has the worst numbers in the company. And I am sure that is the actual reason they fired him.
4) Big Man also shared with me that VP did not support the sales force at all, and pretty much never helped them when they needed support from purchasing. He pretty much instructed all the buyers to treat the sales guys like the pests that they are, and not to pander to them.

So after learning all this information, I wondered...what do they think of me? I am the last one hired in by this guy. He has a horrendous track record for his new hires. Luckily, I am the real deal and have enough background to pass muster. But it explains why Mr. President keeps hanging around my desk. I think he is trying to see if I was another bimbette or the real deal. Hopefully I am making a good impression. Big Man seems to have taken a shine to me. If he sings my praises to the higher ups then all will bode well. But as I stated before BIG SHOES TO FILL. So I try to keep my cool and get on with the show.

Oh, and about that job interview I had a couple weeks back....I never heard back from the lady. I think I was too expensive to hire. She probably settled for a lower paid, lesser experienced person. After thinking about it more, I realized that was not a good fit for me anyway. There was no future there at all. Not that I think I have a shining future at Jackass Co. However, I am getting the opportunity to totally shine at a time when there is an upheaval in management. I may be able to position myself as the ultimate team player and that may lead to bigger and better things. I am curious to see who we get as our new VP. Something tells me that Mr. Prez has something up his sleeve for us. I bet he had someone in mind all along, and it's going to be a person from another division that he trusts. I'll revisit that prediction one day soon. We will see....

That's it and that's all!!

What's new this week....

So, it's been 3 full weeks at the new job...and so far, I am fairly certain that I will be confused as hell once they have me take over my portion. With that being said, I don't think that it's the right thing for me in the long term, however, I am being open-minded enough to realize that I DO have the power to change the situation at any time, and that in order for me to get a chance to get an even better job in this field, I have to get to learn this one first so that I can add it to the top of my resume. So for the meantime, I will take everything I can from this job and use it to my advantage when the time comes. It's a lot of hours and a lot of stress, but I have to make the best of it for now. I have not stopped looking for another job...in fact, I have already been on an interview this past Thursday. The job was a lower level than what I am actually doing, and a little further away, but it's a more informal atmosphere and may be a great job in the long run. The downside is that it is an hourly job (although they wouldn't disclose what they wanted to pay) and it is likely a lower paying job than what I am working currently. The only way I would consider this job is if they will pay me what I was making at the other job at XYZ Asshole Company (or fairly close to it.) The benefits are better at Jackass Company (medical, dental and 401 k, 2 weeks vacation after 1st year and sick and personal time, etc.) The job I interviewed for doesn't offer 401 k, and although it has medical and dental, the vacation policy is crappy...only 1 week after the first year, which means that there is no paid time off in the first year of employment... they do pretty much guarantee overtime, which would get more $ in my pocket..but I'd have to trade off some stuff to do this job, if she offers it to me. She will make a hiring decision next week and I will see if she extends me an offer. The only reason she wouldn't want me is because of the pay scale I need...because, other than that, I am more than qualified and would do an exceptional job. It took me months to realize this, but I now know that I could pretty much excel at any job interview that I get, and any employer would be lucky to have me. I have a lot to offer. That is why Jackass Company wanted me so badly. It's just too bad for me that they got me too cheap. Unfortunately, I couldn't negotiate- large corporations like this won't do that for someone on my "level". However, the next big position that I go for, I WILL have that bargaining power because of the valuable experience that I have obtained. So that's the update on the job front....

On to the update on A & B...it's been a while.... I got a call out of the blue the other nite from B. Apparently, A got a big promotion and is now a Senior Big Cheese at his company. How nice for him. I am sure that his already inflated ego is about ready to burst from this one. I told her to tell him congrats for me. I am sure that he wanted her to tell me about it, but is too chicken to speak to me himself. Whatever. I thought that was all that she wanted to tell me, until she dropped the next bomb on me. "Guess what I did last Friday? I got my tubes tied!" After picking up my jaw from the floor, I gained enough composure to ask why the HELL she put herself through yet ANOTHER surgery...her last one was only a month ago to fix her breast implants...you'd think that since she was SO indecisive about the elective surgery for THAT, that she wouldn't consider doing another elective surgery so soon after that one. However, if you recall on a previous post about A & B, I mentioned that she had been after him to get a vasectomy... well, he pretty much WON'T do it. A is so caught up in his macho ego, that he can't even tolerate the thought that he couldn't spread his seed, even though he claims to be "faithful" to B. I say, if you have had all the children that you want to have, and you have no intention of using condoms, or pills for birth control, then it makes more sense for the man to have the surgery because it is less invasive than the tubal ligation. But, as anyone who has read my posts can see, A is a selfish asshole. He has always been a selfish asshole, and he will continue to be a selfish asshole forever. The fact of the matter is, I think he gets off on the idea that he COULD possibly father another child one day. B had to make the decision to protect herself from his "super sperm" as it were, so that SHE doesn't have to deal with another pregnancy. We all know that SHE is the one that does EVERYTHING in regards to home and children alike. I guess in a way I couldn't blame her for it, but if I were her, I would be extremely angry at A for not doing his part, and by his passive aggressive maneuvering, forcing her to undergo a surgery that truly was unnecessary. I look at this as a very sad thing for a couple to be on 2 different planes at the same time. They exist in the same household, but never on the same plane. They are in parallel universes to one another. Truly sad. When I told Shell about this latest bit of news, all she had to say was... Maybe she started to take up with that guy at work and doesn't want to take a chance that SHE could get pregnant by accident. I don't know if that is a possibility for her. Maybe, maybe not. I can't say that I would feel bad for A if she cheated on him. In reality though, I know that she couldn't possibly have the time to fit in a boyfriend, because she has to run her household with no help. But then again... A has been traveling a lot lately...and when the cat's away, and the kittens are asleep upstairs...the mouse can come play all he wants! ;)

That's my update for this week.
I wish all the mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day on Sunday.


That's it and that's all.....