16 weeks today

It' s been a few months since I have written anything. I have intended to, but as they say... the road is paved with good intentions. I guess this will be an update of the events of my pregnancy up to this point. I am 16 weeks today- I am solidly in my 2nd trimester and am not having the sickness like in the beginning. Months 1 and 2 and half of 3 were pretty brutal. 24 hours a day of morning sickness, which I have renamed ALL DAY sickness. The nausea was so bad that I got no relief even as I slept. I would be woken up in the middle of the night to a roiling tummy full of acid and be able to nothing other than eat crackers and dry heave. There is nothing worse than plain nausea, because at least if you could throw up it would be some sort of relief of the symptoms of nausea, but I am not one to throw up easily. In fact, I think I only threw up once the entire pregnancy so far, and that is because of a smell I encountered in the garbage can that was so revolting it turned my stomach inside out. I endured a constant bad taste in my mouth for a couple weeks, constant acid churning in my stomach, breast tenderness like I have NEVER experienced in my life, to the point where I had to wear a bra 24/7 for about 2 months. The symptoms of pregnancy have been no picnic for me indeed. As of now, my current complaints are smell sensitivity, where everything smells gross to me, even foods I previously liked, and even the smell of fabric softener like Snuggle, is so pungent to me that I can taste it and it makes me gag. I still wake up at night a couple of times to pee, and of course after that I am no longer able to fall back asleep. There was one day this week that I woke up at 1:15 am and stayed up until about 4 am, and then had to get up for the day at 5 am to go to work. Needless to say I was a zombie that day. In fact, this morning I woke at 3:15 to pee, and was soo restless that I finally got up and 4:30 am and got on the computer to check email. I figured I would be better off using the time to get something accomplished, so that's what I did.

As for my health, I am doing well, I have gained a lot of weight about 20 lbs since I found out I was preggo, that is on top of already having gained 20 lbs from the LA Weight Loss days...so I am already 40 lbs in the hole and look it. I keep saying how the heck do people always think pregnant women are beautiful? Not this preggo woman...I think I am the most hideous one ever, My skin has been hijacked by hormonal acne eruptions that I can't get a handle on b/c I can't even use my Proactiv anymore. It's truly tragic... lol

The baby of course is doing well. I will find out the sex on 9/19 with my ultrasound appt. I was at the Dr's the other day and I got to hear the heartbeat. It was a good, strong heartbeat, and the previous ultrasounds I had were good. The Dr tells me everything looks great. I endure all the unpleasantness just so I can know that one fact. All I want is a healthy, happy, beautiful baby. I am looking forward to seeing this little one soon.

After much contemplation and trepidation, I told work about my pregnancy. I felt it better to tell them sooner rather than later so that they are well aware of my situation and my needs to leave for Dr's appt, etc. I also wanted to make sure that they were well aware that they had to watch my stress level. So far they haven't really done that, as they have still stressed me to the max, but the thing is, I am allowed to freak and and lash out more and I don't get penalized for it. So that's a plus. ;)

Other than that, there is not much to say, other than I am starting to allow people to know about the pregnancy. All of my friends know, a majority of the family knows. A&B know, and B has insisted that she will travel here for my baby shower whenever I have it scheduled. My mother in law has insisted on planning the fete herself, and although I have concerns over that, it's a relief to my mom, who has no money at all to throw the shower, since my dad is still unemployed. That's a story for another time though. I don't have the energy to go into that situation in detail.


So that's it and that's all for now..... ;)

I can't believe it...but it's true!

I can't believe this has finally happened to me... I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! yahoo yippeeeeee!!!!

Isn't it strange how things in life come at you unexpectedly? Here I am, struggling in a new job...still learning the ropes....concentrating hard on that...and BAM! Next thing I realize that my period was 4 days late...... It's been late before....in fact once it was 5 days late, so I really didn't think it was possible...but I AM!!!!! Incredible....

6 months ago...I was absolutely desperate about achieving a pregnancy. I was told that I would need a fertility doctor. I'd have to go through cycles of hormones, etc in order to get pregnant. They told me that it wasn't highly likely that I could get pregnant naturally because of the endometriosis. They did say that I only had about a 6 month window before it could grow back after my surgery. My surgery was on 10/22/07. On 6/14/07 I found out that I was pregnant. It took almost 8 months...but it happened. And I firmly believe that it was in God's plan for me to lose my job at the other place, and get hired onto this new job before blessing me with this pregnancy. So far I have had 2 of my 3 wishes granted for 2008- I got a new job, and I got pregnant. The other wish was to win the lottery, or lose 50 lbs. LOL. Neither of those will come true any time soon. But you never know... everything I post about happens...So once again I am putting this out to the cosmos, you never know... ;)

So far, I have only told my sister and my best friend. Hubby and I have decided to wait until I can see the Dr. first before we tell our parents. My mother especially will be a nervous Nellie until the first trimester is over. I pray that I will have a healthy pregancy with a healthy baby.
So far I am unbelievably tired ALL the time. Can't stay awake past 9 pm. Workouts at the gym all of a sudden are really really tough on me. I seem to have lost my stamina. I thought it was because I had gained a bunch of weight... In fact, for the past 2 weeks I was on the Atkin's diet, and faithful to it, and couldn't understand why I wasn't dropping the weight....NOW I know....LOL. Of course dieting has to go out the window...but I plan to be as sensible as I can since I already am overweight to begin with. I have a lot of work to do with myself next year.

So for once this is a happy post, not so angst ridden. I will try to chronicle my pregnancy on here as much as I can, if I can remember to....that's another thing..I can't remember ANYTHING these days...it's insane!!

That's it and that's all for now...... :)

Going with the flow.....

So, as the weeks go by with this job, things get stranger and stranger. The VP that hired me got canned a week ago, and since then, things have been pretty weird at work. I think that they couldn't decide what to do with me, so they assigned me to the Big Man. The Big Man is about 5 ft 8 in tall and about 350 lbs. He resembles a beach ball with legs...except he is totally ADD. Lord help me. They decided that they want to teach me his area, so that I can cover for him when he goes on vacation in July. Let's just say that his department isn 't the easiest, and since he is the only one in it...I'd be responsible for the entire thing when he's gone. Needless to say, I don't think I am qualified to do his job, esp since he is a manager, and I am a peon. Aside from that, there is not a chance in hell that I will gain enough experience in 6 weeks that will enable me to do the job adequately. His are big shoes to fill, no pun intended.

I think they they are about ready to hand over some responsibilities to me in the next week or so. I'm apprehensive about it. It will be the first time in my career in purchasing that I will have lines all to myself. It's intimidating. It's scary as hell. I am being overdramatic and I know it. LOL!

I guess the only thing I can say at this point is that I am continuing to challenge myself on a daily basis with the work I am doing. I learn something new everyday. I am also keeping the idea of building my resume first and foremost. This place is not a long term career for me. I will burn out before I ever have a chance to make it a career company. But then again, we have no idea what will happen. All I know is that for some reason, the President of our division of Jackass Co. has been stopping by my desk on a daily basis to "check" on me and to see how I am doing. Now talk about intimidating. This guy comes off as an affable, grandfatherly type, (think Santa Claus but taller and not as portly)....but I can see through those sparkling blue eyes lies the soul of a businessman with killer instincts. I do not for one minute think that he is stopping by to see me because he has taken a liking to me. I truly believe that he is checking to see that they are getting me up to speed so that he is showing R.O.I. I am not producing yet, therefore I am a liability. I'm no dummy, I totally see what he is doing. I recognize sharks from my days at XYZ Asshole Co.

I found out there were more than a few reasons for the VP guy getting let go. I had to do quite a bit of digging to get answers. And I had to get it out of 3 different people and piece all 3 versions together. This is what I found out:

1) VP man had a personality clash with the new President of the division. Apparently they never got along from the start when the new Prez came to the division in February of this year.
2) There were 6 senior employees in the dept that quit within a 6 week period last year. They got fed up with the way he ran the department and jumped ship. I heard that they all called corporate on their anonymous tip line to make complaints as they left. All of those people went to the competition to work. It was a huge blow to this division to lose the experienced talent to the competitors. I am sure that was the first nail in the coffin for him.
3) He hired inexperienced and incompetent people in his desperate search to fill the vacated spots in the department. He was either hiring them all from off the street or from the lower levels in the company that had zero qualifications. Two of the girls he hired were really bad - one was originally hired to be his assistant, (she was the girl that drove the golf cart at his golf club) and promoted her within 2 months. The other he hired in to replace golf club girl as his assistant, and she was the bartender at the local bar that he frequented. Others that he hired were from customer service and although had been in the company for a little bit, they had zero buying experience. I found out that this division has the worst numbers in the company. And I am sure that is the actual reason they fired him.
4) Big Man also shared with me that VP did not support the sales force at all, and pretty much never helped them when they needed support from purchasing. He pretty much instructed all the buyers to treat the sales guys like the pests that they are, and not to pander to them.

So after learning all this information, I wondered...what do they think of me? I am the last one hired in by this guy. He has a horrendous track record for his new hires. Luckily, I am the real deal and have enough background to pass muster. But it explains why Mr. President keeps hanging around my desk. I think he is trying to see if I was another bimbette or the real deal. Hopefully I am making a good impression. Big Man seems to have taken a shine to me. If he sings my praises to the higher ups then all will bode well. But as I stated before BIG SHOES TO FILL. So I try to keep my cool and get on with the show.

Oh, and about that job interview I had a couple weeks back....I never heard back from the lady. I think I was too expensive to hire. She probably settled for a lower paid, lesser experienced person. After thinking about it more, I realized that was not a good fit for me anyway. There was no future there at all. Not that I think I have a shining future at Jackass Co. However, I am getting the opportunity to totally shine at a time when there is an upheaval in management. I may be able to position myself as the ultimate team player and that may lead to bigger and better things. I am curious to see who we get as our new VP. Something tells me that Mr. Prez has something up his sleeve for us. I bet he had someone in mind all along, and it's going to be a person from another division that he trusts. I'll revisit that prediction one day soon. We will see....

That's it and that's all!!

What's new this week....

So, it's been 3 full weeks at the new job...and so far, I am fairly certain that I will be confused as hell once they have me take over my portion. With that being said, I don't think that it's the right thing for me in the long term, however, I am being open-minded enough to realize that I DO have the power to change the situation at any time, and that in order for me to get a chance to get an even better job in this field, I have to get to learn this one first so that I can add it to the top of my resume. So for the meantime, I will take everything I can from this job and use it to my advantage when the time comes. It's a lot of hours and a lot of stress, but I have to make the best of it for now. I have not stopped looking for another job...in fact, I have already been on an interview this past Thursday. The job was a lower level than what I am actually doing, and a little further away, but it's a more informal atmosphere and may be a great job in the long run. The downside is that it is an hourly job (although they wouldn't disclose what they wanted to pay) and it is likely a lower paying job than what I am working currently. The only way I would consider this job is if they will pay me what I was making at the other job at XYZ Asshole Company (or fairly close to it.) The benefits are better at Jackass Company (medical, dental and 401 k, 2 weeks vacation after 1st year and sick and personal time, etc.) The job I interviewed for doesn't offer 401 k, and although it has medical and dental, the vacation policy is crappy...only 1 week after the first year, which means that there is no paid time off in the first year of employment... they do pretty much guarantee overtime, which would get more $ in my pocket..but I'd have to trade off some stuff to do this job, if she offers it to me. She will make a hiring decision next week and I will see if she extends me an offer. The only reason she wouldn't want me is because of the pay scale I need...because, other than that, I am more than qualified and would do an exceptional job. It took me months to realize this, but I now know that I could pretty much excel at any job interview that I get, and any employer would be lucky to have me. I have a lot to offer. That is why Jackass Company wanted me so badly. It's just too bad for me that they got me too cheap. Unfortunately, I couldn't negotiate- large corporations like this won't do that for someone on my "level". However, the next big position that I go for, I WILL have that bargaining power because of the valuable experience that I have obtained. So that's the update on the job front....

On to the update on A & B...it's been a while.... I got a call out of the blue the other nite from B. Apparently, A got a big promotion and is now a Senior Big Cheese at his company. How nice for him. I am sure that his already inflated ego is about ready to burst from this one. I told her to tell him congrats for me. I am sure that he wanted her to tell me about it, but is too chicken to speak to me himself. Whatever. I thought that was all that she wanted to tell me, until she dropped the next bomb on me. "Guess what I did last Friday? I got my tubes tied!" After picking up my jaw from the floor, I gained enough composure to ask why the HELL she put herself through yet ANOTHER surgery...her last one was only a month ago to fix her breast implants...you'd think that since she was SO indecisive about the elective surgery for THAT, that she wouldn't consider doing another elective surgery so soon after that one. However, if you recall on a previous post about A & B, I mentioned that she had been after him to get a vasectomy... well, he pretty much WON'T do it. A is so caught up in his macho ego, that he can't even tolerate the thought that he couldn't spread his seed, even though he claims to be "faithful" to B. I say, if you have had all the children that you want to have, and you have no intention of using condoms, or pills for birth control, then it makes more sense for the man to have the surgery because it is less invasive than the tubal ligation. But, as anyone who has read my posts can see, A is a selfish asshole. He has always been a selfish asshole, and he will continue to be a selfish asshole forever. The fact of the matter is, I think he gets off on the idea that he COULD possibly father another child one day. B had to make the decision to protect herself from his "super sperm" as it were, so that SHE doesn't have to deal with another pregnancy. We all know that SHE is the one that does EVERYTHING in regards to home and children alike. I guess in a way I couldn't blame her for it, but if I were her, I would be extremely angry at A for not doing his part, and by his passive aggressive maneuvering, forcing her to undergo a surgery that truly was unnecessary. I look at this as a very sad thing for a couple to be on 2 different planes at the same time. They exist in the same household, but never on the same plane. They are in parallel universes to one another. Truly sad. When I told Shell about this latest bit of news, all she had to say was... Maybe she started to take up with that guy at work and doesn't want to take a chance that SHE could get pregnant by accident. I don't know if that is a possibility for her. Maybe, maybe not. I can't say that I would feel bad for A if she cheated on him. In reality though, I know that she couldn't possibly have the time to fit in a boyfriend, because she has to run her household with no help. But then again... A has been traveling a lot lately...and when the cat's away, and the kittens are asleep upstairs...the mouse can come play all he wants! ;)

That's my update for this week.
I wish all the mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day on Sunday.


That's it and that's all.....

Confused and Perturbed

So....I have been at my "new" job for about a week now...and guess what?? I HATE IT. The job is NOT what I was led to believe, and I am being underpaid to do it. 50+ hr weeks are the norm. Go in 6 am 'ish.. leave 5:30-6 pm.... They are chronically understaffed, there is no formal training program, the computer system they use is extremely confusing and all this for $10,000 less per year than I made at XYZ Asshole Company. My new company, which will from here on shall be called U.S. Jackass Company, is stupid in a whole OTHER dimension that I never though possible. I found out that almost everyone in the dept is there 5 months to 2 years...you know why??? HIGH TURNOVER...no one wants to deal with their BS for a job that pays peanuts. Lord help me...I need it!!!!

I need to hit the lotto...that is the ONLY way out of this mess I am now stuck in. Jobs are so hard to come by..and now I am stuck in a really crappy one. DAMN!

I got the job...so why am I so sad?

It's kind of strange... for the past 3 months, I have been so unbelieveably focused on getting a job...I did all the things that one should do...and it worked...I got a job. So why am I so sad??

Well, there are a few reasons....I am mourning the loss of my unending free time. Today is my "last" free day, being that it's a weekday and I have the time to sit here and blog at my leisure. I went into my new employer's office on Monday to pick up some paperwork and to get the directions for my lovely drug test. I read the handbook with the really seriously stringent dress code. Ugh. I am now stressing out over finding many pairs of plain black slacks so that I know I will always be in compliance with this dress code. I also need shoes...ugh. This is FLORIDA...wearing closed shoes is absolutely STIFLING in the summer- and summer pretty much lasts all year round down here. I guess I am pretty annoyed knowing that someone else will own not only my time for 40+ hours a week, but they also dictate what I can wear. I take exception to this as a creative soul. It bothers me b/c I dress well even in jeans and a top...I never look sloppy. I hate that others ruin it for the whole group. Apparently this stringent dress code went into effect this past Monday in response to people constantly violating it. Idiots! I can't wear jeans on Fridays because some idiots wore dirty or cut off jeans. What pisses me off even more..is that CAPRI PANTS aren't even allowed. Again...this is FLORIDA...they make CAREER looking capris that look pretty professional...but guess what? No one is allowed to wear them. In fact, you can't even wear CROPPED pants at all! If it's more than 3 inches above the ankle, you can't wear them, you will get sent home to change and a black mark goes in your file. Ugh.
I haven't even started and I am already annoyed. That is not good at all. I am supposed to be excited to start up a new opportunity...instead I am dreading it. I know I sound like a petulant child, but I can't help it....I waited years to get a new job, and it's not the ideal job for me. Not to mention the pay is $8000 less per year than I was making and the "bonus" that I was enticed with isn't included in my compensation. After I got roped in, I was told that the bonus is an end of the year performance based bonus. Again, I was not given any info on that..I was told that I would be given the detals of that on my first day.

I hate to sound so negative about this...but at this point in time I am pretty unhappy with the situation. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and I have no choice but to take this job because there is just no jobs out there...I am lucky to have found any job...and it pays better than the local retail job at the mall or grocery store.

Ugh.... I am disgusted about this whole thing..... I need to win the lotto already...

That's it and that's all...

Update: So a little while ago I hear from my new boss, I had some questions regarding the compensation for this job, one of which was about the bonus that was supposed to be attached to it. He assured me that I would be eligible for a performance based bonus at the end of the year, etc, but could not put a dollar amount on it due to the fluid nature of it. So a few minutes after I get off the phone with him, the HR person calls me to follow up on his conversation. She tells me that my new boss was "misinformed" of the terms of the position. That this is an entry level position that is NOT eligible for any bonuses at all. So basically, I am really really screwed. And everyone wonders why I have had such a BAD feeling about this company. They have changed the terms on me now that I am at the hiring stage and it really really makes me uneasy about how this company practices. I was told that this position I am filling is a newly created one and that it has been set by corporate to be at an entry level job grade, and those don't get bonuses. The next job grade up from this one IS eligible for bonuses. I asked her what the terms were with that position, hoping that I had something to work towards. I explained to her that I was told on 2 different occasions that the job is salary plus bonus AND that this position is a huge pay cut from what I was making prior. She said that she felt bad that I was misinformed, and that the guy was not totally in sync with what HR does. She said that is why they do the offer letter, and that things are in writing. She told me that I have to be in this entry level position for 6 months before I can move to any other positions in the company. Of course, when I originally asked about waiting periods, the new boss told me that promotions are done on merit. I am afraid to ask about the pay raise system. I am so confused right now I don't know what to do. The HR person told me to take the day to think about it and call her back to let her know if I still wanted the position. And if I was to still start on Monday, she said to let her know what time I wanted to come in. God how I wish I could just win the lottery this weekend so I don't even HAVE to do this. I feel like I am right back where I was before in the XYZ Asshole Company. I spent too many years being unhappy in a company and a job that I hated. I despise the idea of doing that to myself again- and being paid even LESS on top of it. I seriously wish the earth could swallow me up and make me disappear. I can't allow myself to be taken advantage of again. I just want so badly for things to go my way. I prayed so hard to get this job, and now that I got it...I wish I didn't. It's so not what I expected it to be. I deserve SO much better than this, I really do. The sad thing is, I know that I will still accept the job and show up there on Monday..but the residue of the deception will always linger with me. This blog is the only outlet that I have to say all of this. My family expects me to take the job, my Hubby expects me to take the job. All of my friends expect me to take this job. The market is horrendous and there are no jobs to be found right now. It makes me sad to know that I am devaluing myself by taking this job. Lord help me, I don't know if I will ever be able to be happy again. I think I prefer being unemployed. This is pure torture for me.

I did it!!! Success is finally mine.....

Thank you LORD I got the job!!! I got the phone call from my new boss yesterday.... It was a little startling because I did not expect to hear anything until a letter arrived. Apparently, he wanted to let me know so I didn't accept any other job (LOL)- AS IF I had any other prospects...but he didn't know that anyway. I will be receiving some letter of offer with all the details of compensation and benefits that I will have to sign and return. After that, they will do a background check and then I get to do a drug test. I have nothing to hide, so these things will be no problem for me. I told him that I would speak to my hubby and call him back in the morning with my answer. I have yet to make the call...I am waiting until later in the morning to do it. I didn't want to appear over-eager or desperate. Never let them see you sweat...lol

The only thing I was not crazy about was the starting salary. It is a pretty big pay cut..but in these tough financial times I can't be picky. I will prove myself and move up in the company quickly. No matter what, this company is going to be better than XYZ Asshole Company. There is no worse company out there than that one. As a side note..I found out from one of my friends there that my old boss just purchased a new home, and a Porsche to boot. I said that the bastard probably got a bonus equal to my annual salary when they eliminated my position. Whatever..... as of this morning... I am no longer bound to them...I have my fresh start and my new beginning to look forward to.

And that's it and that's all I have to say about THAT!!!