I have been out of work since my dear little boy was born- I have been looking everyday on the computer, put out feelers with everyone I could think of to network with, but no luck so far. I had 1 interview with a company over a week ago, and have not heard anything back yet. I know that they were going to do a round of 2nd interviews calling back 3-5 of the applicants before making a decision...so far I have not heard a thing. I'm not having a good feeling about this job. :(
On the baby front, my precious boy is getting big! He's very vocal now, he's discovered his hands and is grabbing anything that he can. I love him so much it's unbelievable. He's the light of my life, even though taking care of him is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I really wish that I could afford to stay home with him. I get the guilt trip every day from hubby that I need a job soon or else we won't be able to make the bills. I totally understand that, but on the other hand, you can't get back these early weeks and months in your baby's life and if I had been working this whole time, I'd have missed the milestones...like the first smile, the first giggle- he's now attempting to roll over...he gets halfway on his side and can't get all the way over yet. These are all things that I would be missing if I were working.
I wish that I could come into some money- enough to afford me the opportunity to stay at home with baby boy and continue to look for a job that works with his schedule. I play the lottery every week- I'm not greedy though, I don't need to be a multimillionaire- I just need us to be able to pay the bills, and maybe help out my parents a bit, that's all! I pray for a good financial outcome for us, and soon. We need the help desperately.
I guess I just needed to vent- I feel pretty isolated since I had the baby. I've been pretty much abandoned by my best friend (Shell), my former good friends (B&A) and Miss G have disappeared off the map, I look the worst I have ever looked in my life as well. I can't seem to get the motivation to exercise anymore, not even to dance, even though I miss it terribly. I think I may be depressed. :( I don't know what to do, because I feel like I have no one to turn to...not even my own parents can help me, as they are in a worse situation than I am. They are unable to see past their own hurdles to notice that I am suffering. I hope that this passes soon. I need some good luck to come into my life and that will be enough to get me out of the slump. Thank God I have my baby boy. He is the most precious thing to me. I focus on him and not the bad stuff.
That's it and that's all for now...
Friday, May 22, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
12 weeks old today!
My little angel is 12 weeks old today...I can't believe that on May 6th it will be officially 3 months ago that I gave birth to him...it seems like just yesterday.
He's growing by leaps and bounds...he was almost 12 lbs and 23.5 in at his last Dr's appt- he has way surpassed that by now, as he is growing out of his 3 month sized sleepers and is in 6 month size because he is so long. He is developing a personality now- he is fairly demanding- he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he is also very sweet and smiles and coos a lot. He is grabbing onto things now- he especially likes to pull off his bibs and puts them in his mouth. He likes to grab Mommy's necklace and the burpcloth off her shoulder as well. As my Mom likes to say, "This kid is going to be something else! You better be prepared!" She is of the opinion that he is going to be really high energy and that I am going to have my hands full with him. I am ok with it, as long as he is healthy and happy that is all that really matters to me. I love him with every fiber of my being and could not imagine life without him. Now, if only I can get him to sleep in the crib instead of the car seat, I'll be set!! He has occasionally slept 5-7 hrs at nite, but it's not consistent. I get up with him at least once per nite to nurse him, and often it's twice (it was twice last nite.) He fights his sleep in the evening and at nap time so I have to rock him and bounce him around to get him to go to sleep. It's a work in progress...I am trying my hardest to do everything right, but I am sure that I have made mistakes. Oh well! I'm new at this- it's to be expected!
My first Mother's Day is coming up....I can't believe that I finally get to be honored on this day...I hope that Hubby remembers to do something for me. I would love a piece of jewelry to comemmorate this day, but I know it's not financially possible. I am still out of work, and although I have been searching intently (as much as I can with a newborn.) I have had no bites on my resume as of yet. I have been networking as much as possible to get job leads. So far nothing.. I pray that we can stay financially afloat and not get behind on our bills. I pray for a financial windfall like the lotto- that would help not only my household, but my parents' as well. They are in a bad way right now- they are facing foreclosure on their home and I can't do anything to help them. It's all very stressful. I pray daily- that's about all I can do.
And on that note, I will close this post. I am happy with my baby, enjoying staying home with him as long as I am able to, and pray for better economic times for all of us.
That's it and that's all!!
He's growing by leaps and bounds...he was almost 12 lbs and 23.5 in at his last Dr's appt- he has way surpassed that by now, as he is growing out of his 3 month sized sleepers and is in 6 month size because he is so long. He is developing a personality now- he is fairly demanding- he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he is also very sweet and smiles and coos a lot. He is grabbing onto things now- he especially likes to pull off his bibs and puts them in his mouth. He likes to grab Mommy's necklace and the burpcloth off her shoulder as well. As my Mom likes to say, "This kid is going to be something else! You better be prepared!" She is of the opinion that he is going to be really high energy and that I am going to have my hands full with him. I am ok with it, as long as he is healthy and happy that is all that really matters to me. I love him with every fiber of my being and could not imagine life without him. Now, if only I can get him to sleep in the crib instead of the car seat, I'll be set!! He has occasionally slept 5-7 hrs at nite, but it's not consistent. I get up with him at least once per nite to nurse him, and often it's twice (it was twice last nite.) He fights his sleep in the evening and at nap time so I have to rock him and bounce him around to get him to go to sleep. It's a work in progress...I am trying my hardest to do everything right, but I am sure that I have made mistakes. Oh well! I'm new at this- it's to be expected!
My first Mother's Day is coming up....I can't believe that I finally get to be honored on this day...I hope that Hubby remembers to do something for me. I would love a piece of jewelry to comemmorate this day, but I know it's not financially possible. I am still out of work, and although I have been searching intently (as much as I can with a newborn.) I have had no bites on my resume as of yet. I have been networking as much as possible to get job leads. So far nothing.. I pray that we can stay financially afloat and not get behind on our bills. I pray for a financial windfall like the lotto- that would help not only my household, but my parents' as well. They are in a bad way right now- they are facing foreclosure on their home and I can't do anything to help them. It's all very stressful. I pray daily- that's about all I can do.
And on that note, I will close this post. I am happy with my baby, enjoying staying home with him as long as I am able to, and pray for better economic times for all of us.
That's it and that's all!!
Friday, March 6, 2009
One month old today!!
Today my baby boy is 1 month old... it has been quite an experience so far...I am sleep deprived, I feel like a milk cow...but I am so overjoyed and in love with this little baby. He is the sweetest thing in the world and I couldn't imagine life without him. I am still worried about being unemployed, but I am trying not to focus on the worry and trying to focus my energy on this baby and being a mother.
I still pray every day that something good will happen for me jobwise and moneywise. My biggest wish is to be able to afford to be a stay at home mother. I feel that it's so important to be here for him and to experience all his first moments and not leave him to a caregiver, even though his caregiver will be my own mother. I am fiercely protective of him and don't want to leave him with anyone, not even family members. I have to have him by my side at all times. He's just too little to leave me, especially since I nurse every 2 hours. I adore this baby- he is my world.
Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here to mention his 1 month birthday- and try to do a post every month and every milestone as much as I can.
That's it and that's all.... ;)
I still pray every day that something good will happen for me jobwise and moneywise. My biggest wish is to be able to afford to be a stay at home mother. I feel that it's so important to be here for him and to experience all his first moments and not leave him to a caregiver, even though his caregiver will be my own mother. I am fiercely protective of him and don't want to leave him with anyone, not even family members. I have to have him by my side at all times. He's just too little to leave me, especially since I nurse every 2 hours. I adore this baby- he is my world.
Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here to mention his 1 month birthday- and try to do a post every month and every milestone as much as I can.
That's it and that's all.... ;)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Adjusting to Motherhood
The baby is 2 weeks old today- and I have to say, he is the most precious thing in the world to me, I love him unconditionally and with no reservations. However, I am really really worn out. Round the clock feedings every 3 hours (I am breast feeding) and the intermittent crying jags have me totally sleep deprived. Hubby was home with me this week to help out, but he goes back to work on Monday and then I am totally alone with the baby and I am really nervous about it. I am always fearful that something will happen when I am alone in the house and I am not even able to drive yet b.c of the healing from the C section. On top of that, I am also nervous about taking him out by myself once I am cleared to drive again. I have a lot of fears and it's really bad b/c even though I have always been on the nervous side, it seems to have intensified now that I have the baby. I waited 10 years to have this baby, and now I don't want to take any chances that he will be hurt or even uncomfortable in any way. I know it's irrational, but I don't know how to stop. Maybe this is the post partum depression that I have heard about... I do get a little weepy at times, but I attribute that to the hormones.
Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.
So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.
That's it and that's all for now....
Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.
So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.
That's it and that's all for now....
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I'm a Mommy now!
On Feb 6, 2009 at 7:56 am, I became a Mommy for the first time..my son was born via C Section and it has redefined my world as I know it. I never realized how in love I would be with this baby until I finally saw him. He was 7 lbs, 14 oz and 20.5 in long. He's absolutely precious and I could never imagine there being a time when he wasn't with me.
He had a little bit of a rough start, he was in the NICU for the first 30 hrs because he had fluid in his lungs and had to be suctioned, then he developed jaundice on Day 3 and had to be blood tested every day until Day 7 when it was determined that it was clearing up. Now he is home and doing pretty well I think. I am breast feeding, pumping and using some formula as well. It's working out so far. I am still trying to adjust to the every 3 hour feeding schedule around the clock, and going without sleep in order to do it. I try to snatch a nap whenever I can- I should have been sleeping all this time this morning when the baby was sleeping but I really wanted to get online and post and check email too- I literally have had no time to do that. It's amazing how much work one little person can be. I think we do 5 small loads of laundry per day just of his clothing, bedding, etc. He almost always throws up or pees on something right after we dress him in it, or put him on it in the case of the bassinet sheets. My hubby is at wits end with the laundry... I told him, this is what parenthood is like...just roll with it. He's having a hard time adjusting..I hope he gets better with it soon, because I need his support as much as possible.
So, I guess I will sign off now...I will TRY to get on here with updates as my little one develops. He really IS the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.... :)
That's it and that's all...
:)
He had a little bit of a rough start, he was in the NICU for the first 30 hrs because he had fluid in his lungs and had to be suctioned, then he developed jaundice on Day 3 and had to be blood tested every day until Day 7 when it was determined that it was clearing up. Now he is home and doing pretty well I think. I am breast feeding, pumping and using some formula as well. It's working out so far. I am still trying to adjust to the every 3 hour feeding schedule around the clock, and going without sleep in order to do it. I try to snatch a nap whenever I can- I should have been sleeping all this time this morning when the baby was sleeping but I really wanted to get online and post and check email too- I literally have had no time to do that. It's amazing how much work one little person can be. I think we do 5 small loads of laundry per day just of his clothing, bedding, etc. He almost always throws up or pees on something right after we dress him in it, or put him on it in the case of the bassinet sheets. My hubby is at wits end with the laundry... I told him, this is what parenthood is like...just roll with it. He's having a hard time adjusting..I hope he gets better with it soon, because I need his support as much as possible.
So, I guess I will sign off now...I will TRY to get on here with updates as my little one develops. He really IS the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.... :)
That's it and that's all...
:)
Friday, January 23, 2009
37 weeks!
Well...it's almost to the end....I am 37 weeks tomorrow- I am definitely having the baby by C section on Feb 6th- 2 weeks from today. I am excited, nervous and scared. I hate the idea of surgety...but I am happy NOT to have to endure labor. I keep hearing how much worse that is. I'll take the easier route, thank you very much.
As a result of this development, I will have my last day at work on Feb 5th- and then I am done with that place for good. Of course, I will be unemployed, but there is a measure of relief to know that I won't have to endure that place and the stress it causes once the baby is here. I will get a chance to really bond being home with him indefinitely. I'll collect unemployment and continue to look for a job...
So that's it and that's all for now.....will blog more later...
:)
As a result of this development, I will have my last day at work on Feb 5th- and then I am done with that place for good. Of course, I will be unemployed, but there is a measure of relief to know that I won't have to endure that place and the stress it causes once the baby is here. I will get a chance to really bond being home with him indefinitely. I'll collect unemployment and continue to look for a job...
So that's it and that's all for now.....will blog more later...
:)
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Baby Shower!
Today is my baby shower.... I am a little excited about it... the whole job layoff thing has put a little damper on things, but it will be a nice afternoon, so I am trying to concentrate on it. I wanted to make note of the fact that B- the same B that is supposed to be my friend- totally ignored the invitation to the baby shower and never RSVP'd- despite telling me from the beginning that "I want to be invited to your baby shower, I want to come in for it." Well, I invited her, and she basically avoided me completely for the past month. I even sent her a personal invitation to stay at my house so she wouldn't need a hotel- I never got a response. I sent a Christmas Card, and a Happy New Year text message, but those were ignored as well. Yesterday, I get a call on my cell from her and I didn't pick up b/c I am pretty pissed off- I mean, come ON...how HARD would it have been to respond to the invitation and say..." I am so sorry, I wish I could come, but I have work." or whatever excuse- any excuse would have been better than the avoidance. I think she just doesn't want to give a gift. Whatever- if she said, "I can't afford to come." I would have understood that as well. The entire thing really didn't sit well with me. Her voice mail on my cell was like "I'm sorry to RSVP so late, but obviously I can't come to the shower, I would like to come visit after the baby is born. Talk to you soon." WHATEVER. She wasn't supposed to RSVP to me, first of all...it was supposed to be my mom or my mother in law, they were the ones listed on the invite as the contact for RSVP anyway. Second of all...why even bother to call the DAY before the shower? It's OBVIOUS that you had no intention of going to the shower- most ppl responded within 2 weeks after it was sent out. It didn't sit well with me...and still doesn't. I'm not going to let it ruin my day. All it did was further open up my eyes to the fact that yet another "friend" really IS NOT a friend at all. Friends don't do things like this. Another so called "friend" Miss G I'll call her- never responded to the invitation at ALL. I did this girl SOOOOO many favors over the years. And the least she could do is respond to an invitation. Basically, I am writing her off as well. She'll never hear from me again. If she can't be a friend to me now, then she isn't my friend. She's someone who uses you for what you can do for her and then never comes through for you when you need her. So adios to Miss G. She can find someone else to rip off original choreo from now. She can kiss my ass!
Angst aside... the people that count are coming to the event. I don't have too many of my friends there, as my mom kept lamenting- you don't have ANYONE to invite? Not even from work?? To which I reponded- no I don't feel comfortable inviting ANYONE from that place. And it's a good thing too- look what ended up happening! I am being laid off anyway and I won't have any contact with any of those people after my little boy is born. Besides, I feel really strongly that my pics of the event do not contain random people that I have no connection to on a long term basis. That's just my feeling on this. I think it's a pretty sound theory. I'll look at these pics years from now and go...who the heck is that??? It just makes good sense to me.
Now for a baby update:
I had my 35 week ultrasound yesterday- my baby is 6 lbs! My placenta is still previa, meaning it's still low, even though it DID move up a lot since last ultrasound- but it's not likely to really move out of the way of the cervix enough that I can deliver naturally. My doc doesn't want me to go into labor and have contractions b/c it could cause bleeding, and it is PROFUSE bleeding when that happens...and that would mean an emergency C section with the possibility of fetal distress. So I left off with her yesterday that we are likely going to schedule me for a C section at 37 or 38 weeks- that is only 2 -3 weeks away! She is going to consult with a perinatologist and let me know Monday what his opinion is regarding the timing of the section, and if he feels it's necessary for me to take an amnio to determine the fetal lung maturity prior to the C section. I am supposed to hear from her on Monday about that news.
I am a little hesitant about the C section part, because it IS still a major surgery- however, I think I am MORE afraid of natural childbirth and the actual labor process...being in pain for 24 hrs etc.
As far as how this will affect my seperation agreement with work, I am not sure. I will have to wait until I know a date to be scheduled before I can figure out what they will do. The way they had it set up, I would not really be returning to work after the baby- I would go out on leave and never come back- with him coming a few weeks early, it leaves a gap- and I am wondering if they would seriously make me go back for a week or 2 weeks and then leave. I'd rather not go back there after he is born. I already have it in my head that I don't want to see that place ever again after I leave. Once I am gone, I am gone for good.
I will have to wait and see how that goes, and of course, I will be updating on here...
That's it and that's all!
Angst aside... the people that count are coming to the event. I don't have too many of my friends there, as my mom kept lamenting- you don't have ANYONE to invite? Not even from work?? To which I reponded- no I don't feel comfortable inviting ANYONE from that place. And it's a good thing too- look what ended up happening! I am being laid off anyway and I won't have any contact with any of those people after my little boy is born. Besides, I feel really strongly that my pics of the event do not contain random people that I have no connection to on a long term basis. That's just my feeling on this. I think it's a pretty sound theory. I'll look at these pics years from now and go...who the heck is that??? It just makes good sense to me.
Now for a baby update:
I had my 35 week ultrasound yesterday- my baby is 6 lbs! My placenta is still previa, meaning it's still low, even though it DID move up a lot since last ultrasound- but it's not likely to really move out of the way of the cervix enough that I can deliver naturally. My doc doesn't want me to go into labor and have contractions b/c it could cause bleeding, and it is PROFUSE bleeding when that happens...and that would mean an emergency C section with the possibility of fetal distress. So I left off with her yesterday that we are likely going to schedule me for a C section at 37 or 38 weeks- that is only 2 -3 weeks away! She is going to consult with a perinatologist and let me know Monday what his opinion is regarding the timing of the section, and if he feels it's necessary for me to take an amnio to determine the fetal lung maturity prior to the C section. I am supposed to hear from her on Monday about that news.
I am a little hesitant about the C section part, because it IS still a major surgery- however, I think I am MORE afraid of natural childbirth and the actual labor process...being in pain for 24 hrs etc.
As far as how this will affect my seperation agreement with work, I am not sure. I will have to wait until I know a date to be scheduled before I can figure out what they will do. The way they had it set up, I would not really be returning to work after the baby- I would go out on leave and never come back- with him coming a few weeks early, it leaves a gap- and I am wondering if they would seriously make me go back for a week or 2 weeks and then leave. I'd rather not go back there after he is born. I already have it in my head that I don't want to see that place ever again after I leave. Once I am gone, I am gone for good.
I will have to wait and see how that goes, and of course, I will be updating on here...
That's it and that's all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)