I am writing this one day after the passing of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. I was among the millions of shocked fans to learn of his sudden death from cardiac arrest yesterday and am still in shock. It's surreal to see one of the icons of your generation to be taken so suddenly. I am dedicating this particular post to him, as I was a fan of his in my younger years, and an admirer in my older years.
I am likening this event to the passing of other musical greats: Elvis for the children of the 50's , John Lennon for the children of the 60's and Curt Cobain for the children of the 90's. I am a child of the 80's and Michael Jackson defined the landscape of popular culture of music, dance and fashion as well as revolutionized the visual medium of music videos in the infancy of MTV. I am of the MTV generation- and to us, Michael Jackson WAS the King of Pop.
I remember wanting the Thriller album so badly that year it came out...I was in 6th grade, and when I received that album for Christmas that year, I was over the moon. I learned every song- I learned every dance routine. I wanted to be "like Mike". Many of the children I knew felt the same way, we admired him, we looked up to him, and we emulated him. I danced to "Billie Jean" in the year end talent show in 6th grade, and although I didn't win, I was ecstatic to get a chance to perform to his music. I may have been a ballet/jazz dancer at the time, but his music transcended dance styles...you could dance any style to his songs and make it look cool.
Unfortunately I never got the opportunity to see him perform live in person, I was too young to see a concert (my parents' rules ) and I lament the loss of that opportunity as it has been lost forever now that I am old enough to do whatever I want to do! However, I witnessed every live TV event he was on, and enjoyed the performances. The Motown 25th Anniversary Special sticks out in my mind, as that was the first time we witnessed him doing the moonwalk. The Grammys for that year also come to mind, as he won 6 awards- an unbelievable feat for any solo artist. He was the best performer that ever lived, and I always believed that.
I have decided to remember Michael Jackson for all the great music and dancing that he left behind. I choose not to dwell on the particular eccentricities of his personal life that the tabloids and gossip columnists fed on. To me, Michael Jackson was larger than life, he was talented and he was a genius in music. His legacy is large in scope and is here for all of us to enjoy forever. His spirit will live on in his music and in that way he is immortal.
God rest his soul and condolences to his family, especially his 3 children.
God Bless!
That's it and that's all I have to say about that....
Friday, June 26, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Job Hunt Continues....
So I have officially been out of work for a couple of months (my last paycheck was on April 5th) but I haven't actually worked since February 5th. It's starting to wear me down being out of work... last year I found a job within 3 months.... at this point I am looking at a much longer unemployment. I wish that I didn't need to find a job, I'd rather just be a stay at home mom, but we can't live on my husband's salary alone. Plus, I'd like to be contributing to the household budget...baby stuff is expensive...the diapers and wipes alone are a fortune, and my little angel is now starting to supplement with formula as my breast milk supply is starting to slow down and he needs the extra calories.
I have been searching every day on the internet, and ATTEMPTING to network with anyone that could help me. So far my networking attempts have been pretty unhelpful. I have reached out to former colleagues and some acquaintances that I have met in the business world and I have been rebuffed. It's as if I have fallen off the face of the earth and I have become invisible and irrelevant.
I have had only 1 interview since I have started this job search 2 months ago...I thought it went well...however, I came to find out 3 weeks later that the job had been filled. The stupid agency that sent me on the interview couldn't be bothered to return my calls about that job, so I had to contact the company directly and that's how I found out. I guess since they weren't going to get a commission for placing me I had no use for them. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion. The courteous thing would have been to call me back when I asked about the status of the job. It was on the internet for weeks after it was filled, so I was surprised to find out it had been filled. Whatever...it's another example of how the unemployed gets screwed with by potential employers like staffing agencies. I swear they cherry pick all the applicants to fill their job orders and can't be bothered with anyone else.
As far as motherhood goes, I do enjoy my son. He's my pride and joy and I adore him. He's 4 months old now, and he's started to roll over on his own, he grabs at toys, and he has found his feet..he likes to try to bite them, and in fact has pulled his socks off in the process. He's now sleeping through the nite most of the time, and I am ALMOST ready to let him sleep in his crib in his bedroom, he is currently still sleeping in his carseat/stroller next to my bed at nite. I wake up several times to check on him to make sure he is ok. I am neurotic and I know it. I don't know any other way to be.
Well, that's it and that's all for now...I need some good luck to come to me so I can stop worrying so much...
TTFN
I have been searching every day on the internet, and ATTEMPTING to network with anyone that could help me. So far my networking attempts have been pretty unhelpful. I have reached out to former colleagues and some acquaintances that I have met in the business world and I have been rebuffed. It's as if I have fallen off the face of the earth and I have become invisible and irrelevant.
I have had only 1 interview since I have started this job search 2 months ago...I thought it went well...however, I came to find out 3 weeks later that the job had been filled. The stupid agency that sent me on the interview couldn't be bothered to return my calls about that job, so I had to contact the company directly and that's how I found out. I guess since they weren't going to get a commission for placing me I had no use for them. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion. The courteous thing would have been to call me back when I asked about the status of the job. It was on the internet for weeks after it was filled, so I was surprised to find out it had been filled. Whatever...it's another example of how the unemployed gets screwed with by potential employers like staffing agencies. I swear they cherry pick all the applicants to fill their job orders and can't be bothered with anyone else.
As far as motherhood goes, I do enjoy my son. He's my pride and joy and I adore him. He's 4 months old now, and he's started to roll over on his own, he grabs at toys, and he has found his feet..he likes to try to bite them, and in fact has pulled his socks off in the process. He's now sleeping through the nite most of the time, and I am ALMOST ready to let him sleep in his crib in his bedroom, he is currently still sleeping in his carseat/stroller next to my bed at nite. I wake up several times to check on him to make sure he is ok. I am neurotic and I know it. I don't know any other way to be.
Well, that's it and that's all for now...I need some good luck to come to me so I can stop worrying so much...
TTFN
Friday, May 22, 2009
Getting discouraged
I have been out of work since my dear little boy was born- I have been looking everyday on the computer, put out feelers with everyone I could think of to network with, but no luck so far. I had 1 interview with a company over a week ago, and have not heard anything back yet. I know that they were going to do a round of 2nd interviews calling back 3-5 of the applicants before making a decision...so far I have not heard a thing. I'm not having a good feeling about this job. :(
On the baby front, my precious boy is getting big! He's very vocal now, he's discovered his hands and is grabbing anything that he can. I love him so much it's unbelievable. He's the light of my life, even though taking care of him is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I really wish that I could afford to stay home with him. I get the guilt trip every day from hubby that I need a job soon or else we won't be able to make the bills. I totally understand that, but on the other hand, you can't get back these early weeks and months in your baby's life and if I had been working this whole time, I'd have missed the milestones...like the first smile, the first giggle- he's now attempting to roll over...he gets halfway on his side and can't get all the way over yet. These are all things that I would be missing if I were working.
I wish that I could come into some money- enough to afford me the opportunity to stay at home with baby boy and continue to look for a job that works with his schedule. I play the lottery every week- I'm not greedy though, I don't need to be a multimillionaire- I just need us to be able to pay the bills, and maybe help out my parents a bit, that's all! I pray for a good financial outcome for us, and soon. We need the help desperately.
I guess I just needed to vent- I feel pretty isolated since I had the baby. I've been pretty much abandoned by my best friend (Shell), my former good friends (B&A) and Miss G have disappeared off the map, I look the worst I have ever looked in my life as well. I can't seem to get the motivation to exercise anymore, not even to dance, even though I miss it terribly. I think I may be depressed. :( I don't know what to do, because I feel like I have no one to turn to...not even my own parents can help me, as they are in a worse situation than I am. They are unable to see past their own hurdles to notice that I am suffering. I hope that this passes soon. I need some good luck to come into my life and that will be enough to get me out of the slump. Thank God I have my baby boy. He is the most precious thing to me. I focus on him and not the bad stuff.
That's it and that's all for now...
On the baby front, my precious boy is getting big! He's very vocal now, he's discovered his hands and is grabbing anything that he can. I love him so much it's unbelievable. He's the light of my life, even though taking care of him is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I really wish that I could afford to stay home with him. I get the guilt trip every day from hubby that I need a job soon or else we won't be able to make the bills. I totally understand that, but on the other hand, you can't get back these early weeks and months in your baby's life and if I had been working this whole time, I'd have missed the milestones...like the first smile, the first giggle- he's now attempting to roll over...he gets halfway on his side and can't get all the way over yet. These are all things that I would be missing if I were working.
I wish that I could come into some money- enough to afford me the opportunity to stay at home with baby boy and continue to look for a job that works with his schedule. I play the lottery every week- I'm not greedy though, I don't need to be a multimillionaire- I just need us to be able to pay the bills, and maybe help out my parents a bit, that's all! I pray for a good financial outcome for us, and soon. We need the help desperately.
I guess I just needed to vent- I feel pretty isolated since I had the baby. I've been pretty much abandoned by my best friend (Shell), my former good friends (B&A) and Miss G have disappeared off the map, I look the worst I have ever looked in my life as well. I can't seem to get the motivation to exercise anymore, not even to dance, even though I miss it terribly. I think I may be depressed. :( I don't know what to do, because I feel like I have no one to turn to...not even my own parents can help me, as they are in a worse situation than I am. They are unable to see past their own hurdles to notice that I am suffering. I hope that this passes soon. I need some good luck to come into my life and that will be enough to get me out of the slump. Thank God I have my baby boy. He is the most precious thing to me. I focus on him and not the bad stuff.
That's it and that's all for now...
Friday, May 1, 2009
12 weeks old today!
My little angel is 12 weeks old today...I can't believe that on May 6th it will be officially 3 months ago that I gave birth to him...it seems like just yesterday.
He's growing by leaps and bounds...he was almost 12 lbs and 23.5 in at his last Dr's appt- he has way surpassed that by now, as he is growing out of his 3 month sized sleepers and is in 6 month size because he is so long. He is developing a personality now- he is fairly demanding- he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he is also very sweet and smiles and coos a lot. He is grabbing onto things now- he especially likes to pull off his bibs and puts them in his mouth. He likes to grab Mommy's necklace and the burpcloth off her shoulder as well. As my Mom likes to say, "This kid is going to be something else! You better be prepared!" She is of the opinion that he is going to be really high energy and that I am going to have my hands full with him. I am ok with it, as long as he is healthy and happy that is all that really matters to me. I love him with every fiber of my being and could not imagine life without him. Now, if only I can get him to sleep in the crib instead of the car seat, I'll be set!! He has occasionally slept 5-7 hrs at nite, but it's not consistent. I get up with him at least once per nite to nurse him, and often it's twice (it was twice last nite.) He fights his sleep in the evening and at nap time so I have to rock him and bounce him around to get him to go to sleep. It's a work in progress...I am trying my hardest to do everything right, but I am sure that I have made mistakes. Oh well! I'm new at this- it's to be expected!
My first Mother's Day is coming up....I can't believe that I finally get to be honored on this day...I hope that Hubby remembers to do something for me. I would love a piece of jewelry to comemmorate this day, but I know it's not financially possible. I am still out of work, and although I have been searching intently (as much as I can with a newborn.) I have had no bites on my resume as of yet. I have been networking as much as possible to get job leads. So far nothing.. I pray that we can stay financially afloat and not get behind on our bills. I pray for a financial windfall like the lotto- that would help not only my household, but my parents' as well. They are in a bad way right now- they are facing foreclosure on their home and I can't do anything to help them. It's all very stressful. I pray daily- that's about all I can do.
And on that note, I will close this post. I am happy with my baby, enjoying staying home with him as long as I am able to, and pray for better economic times for all of us.
That's it and that's all!!
He's growing by leaps and bounds...he was almost 12 lbs and 23.5 in at his last Dr's appt- he has way surpassed that by now, as he is growing out of his 3 month sized sleepers and is in 6 month size because he is so long. He is developing a personality now- he is fairly demanding- he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he is also very sweet and smiles and coos a lot. He is grabbing onto things now- he especially likes to pull off his bibs and puts them in his mouth. He likes to grab Mommy's necklace and the burpcloth off her shoulder as well. As my Mom likes to say, "This kid is going to be something else! You better be prepared!" She is of the opinion that he is going to be really high energy and that I am going to have my hands full with him. I am ok with it, as long as he is healthy and happy that is all that really matters to me. I love him with every fiber of my being and could not imagine life without him. Now, if only I can get him to sleep in the crib instead of the car seat, I'll be set!! He has occasionally slept 5-7 hrs at nite, but it's not consistent. I get up with him at least once per nite to nurse him, and often it's twice (it was twice last nite.) He fights his sleep in the evening and at nap time so I have to rock him and bounce him around to get him to go to sleep. It's a work in progress...I am trying my hardest to do everything right, but I am sure that I have made mistakes. Oh well! I'm new at this- it's to be expected!
My first Mother's Day is coming up....I can't believe that I finally get to be honored on this day...I hope that Hubby remembers to do something for me. I would love a piece of jewelry to comemmorate this day, but I know it's not financially possible. I am still out of work, and although I have been searching intently (as much as I can with a newborn.) I have had no bites on my resume as of yet. I have been networking as much as possible to get job leads. So far nothing.. I pray that we can stay financially afloat and not get behind on our bills. I pray for a financial windfall like the lotto- that would help not only my household, but my parents' as well. They are in a bad way right now- they are facing foreclosure on their home and I can't do anything to help them. It's all very stressful. I pray daily- that's about all I can do.
And on that note, I will close this post. I am happy with my baby, enjoying staying home with him as long as I am able to, and pray for better economic times for all of us.
That's it and that's all!!
Friday, March 6, 2009
One month old today!!
Today my baby boy is 1 month old... it has been quite an experience so far...I am sleep deprived, I feel like a milk cow...but I am so overjoyed and in love with this little baby. He is the sweetest thing in the world and I couldn't imagine life without him. I am still worried about being unemployed, but I am trying not to focus on the worry and trying to focus my energy on this baby and being a mother.
I still pray every day that something good will happen for me jobwise and moneywise. My biggest wish is to be able to afford to be a stay at home mother. I feel that it's so important to be here for him and to experience all his first moments and not leave him to a caregiver, even though his caregiver will be my own mother. I am fiercely protective of him and don't want to leave him with anyone, not even family members. I have to have him by my side at all times. He's just too little to leave me, especially since I nurse every 2 hours. I adore this baby- he is my world.
Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here to mention his 1 month birthday- and try to do a post every month and every milestone as much as I can.
That's it and that's all.... ;)
I still pray every day that something good will happen for me jobwise and moneywise. My biggest wish is to be able to afford to be a stay at home mother. I feel that it's so important to be here for him and to experience all his first moments and not leave him to a caregiver, even though his caregiver will be my own mother. I am fiercely protective of him and don't want to leave him with anyone, not even family members. I have to have him by my side at all times. He's just too little to leave me, especially since I nurse every 2 hours. I adore this baby- he is my world.
Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here to mention his 1 month birthday- and try to do a post every month and every milestone as much as I can.
That's it and that's all.... ;)
Friday, February 20, 2009
Adjusting to Motherhood
The baby is 2 weeks old today- and I have to say, he is the most precious thing in the world to me, I love him unconditionally and with no reservations. However, I am really really worn out. Round the clock feedings every 3 hours (I am breast feeding) and the intermittent crying jags have me totally sleep deprived. Hubby was home with me this week to help out, but he goes back to work on Monday and then I am totally alone with the baby and I am really nervous about it. I am always fearful that something will happen when I am alone in the house and I am not even able to drive yet b.c of the healing from the C section. On top of that, I am also nervous about taking him out by myself once I am cleared to drive again. I have a lot of fears and it's really bad b/c even though I have always been on the nervous side, it seems to have intensified now that I have the baby. I waited 10 years to have this baby, and now I don't want to take any chances that he will be hurt or even uncomfortable in any way. I know it's irrational, but I don't know how to stop. Maybe this is the post partum depression that I have heard about... I do get a little weepy at times, but I attribute that to the hormones.
Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.
So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.
That's it and that's all for now....
Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.
So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.
That's it and that's all for now....
Sunday, February 15, 2009
I'm a Mommy now!
On Feb 6, 2009 at 7:56 am, I became a Mommy for the first time..my son was born via C Section and it has redefined my world as I know it. I never realized how in love I would be with this baby until I finally saw him. He was 7 lbs, 14 oz and 20.5 in long. He's absolutely precious and I could never imagine there being a time when he wasn't with me.
He had a little bit of a rough start, he was in the NICU for the first 30 hrs because he had fluid in his lungs and had to be suctioned, then he developed jaundice on Day 3 and had to be blood tested every day until Day 7 when it was determined that it was clearing up. Now he is home and doing pretty well I think. I am breast feeding, pumping and using some formula as well. It's working out so far. I am still trying to adjust to the every 3 hour feeding schedule around the clock, and going without sleep in order to do it. I try to snatch a nap whenever I can- I should have been sleeping all this time this morning when the baby was sleeping but I really wanted to get online and post and check email too- I literally have had no time to do that. It's amazing how much work one little person can be. I think we do 5 small loads of laundry per day just of his clothing, bedding, etc. He almost always throws up or pees on something right after we dress him in it, or put him on it in the case of the bassinet sheets. My hubby is at wits end with the laundry... I told him, this is what parenthood is like...just roll with it. He's having a hard time adjusting..I hope he gets better with it soon, because I need his support as much as possible.
So, I guess I will sign off now...I will TRY to get on here with updates as my little one develops. He really IS the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.... :)
That's it and that's all...
:)
He had a little bit of a rough start, he was in the NICU for the first 30 hrs because he had fluid in his lungs and had to be suctioned, then he developed jaundice on Day 3 and had to be blood tested every day until Day 7 when it was determined that it was clearing up. Now he is home and doing pretty well I think. I am breast feeding, pumping and using some formula as well. It's working out so far. I am still trying to adjust to the every 3 hour feeding schedule around the clock, and going without sleep in order to do it. I try to snatch a nap whenever I can- I should have been sleeping all this time this morning when the baby was sleeping but I really wanted to get online and post and check email too- I literally have had no time to do that. It's amazing how much work one little person can be. I think we do 5 small loads of laundry per day just of his clothing, bedding, etc. He almost always throws up or pees on something right after we dress him in it, or put him on it in the case of the bassinet sheets. My hubby is at wits end with the laundry... I told him, this is what parenthood is like...just roll with it. He's having a hard time adjusting..I hope he gets better with it soon, because I need his support as much as possible.
So, I guess I will sign off now...I will TRY to get on here with updates as my little one develops. He really IS the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.... :)
That's it and that's all...
:)
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