30 weeks today!

It's been a few months since I have posted any blogs. I have been so busy that I haven't had the time...let me get caught up here....

1st- I am 30 weeks pregnant today- I am well into my 7th month of my pregancy and things have finally started to feel real. I have had a hard go of it these past 7 months...from the constant sickness the first trimester, to the stress and trip to the hospital in my 2nd trimester. The job has made things harder, I will explain more in the next part. As far as the baby goes, we still don't have a name for him. We can't really agree on one. My family has been very vocal with suggestions...most of which I detest. My husband's mother had some suggestions that I did not like either. The fact that she said to me, "I'm not going to say any other names because you won't use them because I suggested them." pretty much sums up the situation. She also made a comment that she hopes I use a simple, normal name... not one of those new names that all the celebrities use these days. Just for spite I should name him Table or Knife Block....something stupid..but then again, that only punishes the poor baby. I want to remain original, yer not bizarre. It's a fine line, a very hard one I admit.

We have started his room, getting it ready....we installed new carpets and received his nursery furniture all before Thanksgiving. Now all we need to do is clear out the closet. That is considerably harder to do. It needs to be done before the baby shower- which will be on January 10th. That's another whole blog topic on it's own. I will save that one for the next time.

2nd- Now on to the job. Let's see, I am on my 3rd boss since I started there. The first one was fired 3 weeks after I started, then the 2nd one came in July, only to leave in September due to a health problem. The 3rd is a lady who came from corporate was the trainer for the company and she's pretty knowledgeable. She has been helpful, but of course there were more changes. I inherited someone else's desk that decided to transfer to another division. I inherited a NIGHTMARE of work that I am still trying to sort out and it's been over 6 weeks since she left. Then I found out 3 days ago that they are restructuring again and that now I won't be reporting to the guy that I was reporting to- who I have really liked and worked well with- but to the other manager, who I can't stand. Things are in constant motion there...it's a stressful environment- so much so that about a month ago I ended up in the hospital with contractions. The Dr. threatened bed rest, but I told her I couldn't do that...I wasn't working there long enough to be entitled to FMLA. So she wrote me a note dictating that I am only allowed to work 8 hrs per day for the duration of the pregnancy. So now I am working 7:30 to 4 pm- I love the hours they are what I have always wanted to work- but it's only temporary. The one good thing is that I am less stressed just knowing that I have my work schedule guaranteed by the Dr's note. And it's not like I'm working less than 40 hrs....so they can't say that I am not earning my paycheck. Prior to this note, I was working a consistent 50-55 hr week and it was only getting worse with the holiday rush approaching. So it was a Godsend that I got that Dr's note. Everything happens for a reason. Now I pray that I can find another job after the baby comes that has more normal hours. I know that the work schedule that they expect is unreasonable with a baby. Especially since I intend to nurse him for as long as I can. The economy is so terrible these days, it will be a daunting task to find new employment. But I will still keep my eyes open, because the job won't come to me- I learned that from working at the other place. I am glad to be out of there....I can't believe it's been almost a year. It's been about a year since I got the insulting jar of M&Ms as the corporate holiday gift too. You know I still have that jar, and some of the M&M's are in there...I keep it to remind me of how bad a job could be. As hard as I work at this new place, I at least have a real function there- what I do makes a difference. It's a different vibe. I am still a cog in the machine..but this machine is more efficient and better than that other one. Hey, at least we got a Turkey for Thanksgiving- it was only 11 1/2 lbs- but it was the gesture that counts.

Speaking of Thanksgiving- 2008 marked the first time that I hosted Thanksgiving in my home. I have been married for 10 years and this was the first holiday that I have done myself. It turned out pretty nice. We were 10 people all together- my in laws, my parents, and my sister, brother in law and niece and nephew. Other than the stress of cleanup- which my house is STILL not perfect over a week afterwards...it was a success. I may be inclined to do it again in the future..just not the immediate future- my little baby boy will be a handful for a little while and it may not be possible to do it. We will have to wait and see.

So, that's the story for now. I promise to get on here more often so I can chronicle how I feel being pregnant, and other stuff that happens.

That's it and that's all for now....

19 weeks....

Well, I had my 2nd trimester ultrasound on Friday and to my surprise and shock.....


It has taken a couple of days to get used to the idea...I was so positive that it would be a girl, I had a name picked for a girl, and a pretty pink theme for the nursery too...Oh well, I have to start over again now...but it's much harder b/c it's much harder to choose for boys from names to themes...it's just plain difficult. Hubby and I can't agree on anything at all...so this is going to be a LONG road for me....

The plus side is that the baby looked healthy and normal in the ultrasound, I seem to be doing well, all of my stuff is normal, so that's really the most important thing. And I have been feeling a little bit better too (although I still don't sleep 100% well.)

OK back to my normal color..lol... I wanted to give an update on A. He called me last week to see how I was doing, to brag about his promotion at work, and to remind me that the 2 year anniversary of that infamous Friday night was coming up. ( It is actually today to be exact.) I think he is reminiscing about that whole thing for whatever reason. I flat out asked him if he and B had been fighting, and he denied it..but I know better. He only talks to me about that night when he is on the rocks with her. Guaranteed they are having problems again and I would not be surprised if he was stepping out on her with some other chick (probably his assistant, that suits his style- he likes being in the power position.) I find it completely pathetic that he tried to rekindle that memory with me, especially since I have spent 2 years trying to forget it and recover from the hurt and shame that he caused me. I moved on with my life...why can't he do the same thing? Shell says that it's the best thing that he moved away b.c he would have destroyed my entire life if he had stayed here...he is complete poison...

Anyways,,,

That's it and that's all for now.... I'm gonna be a MOMMY!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAY! :)

16 weeks today

It' s been a few months since I have written anything. I have intended to, but as they say... the road is paved with good intentions. I guess this will be an update of the events of my pregnancy up to this point. I am 16 weeks today- I am solidly in my 2nd trimester and am not having the sickness like in the beginning. Months 1 and 2 and half of 3 were pretty brutal. 24 hours a day of morning sickness, which I have renamed ALL DAY sickness. The nausea was so bad that I got no relief even as I slept. I would be woken up in the middle of the night to a roiling tummy full of acid and be able to nothing other than eat crackers and dry heave. There is nothing worse than plain nausea, because at least if you could throw up it would be some sort of relief of the symptoms of nausea, but I am not one to throw up easily. In fact, I think I only threw up once the entire pregnancy so far, and that is because of a smell I encountered in the garbage can that was so revolting it turned my stomach inside out. I endured a constant bad taste in my mouth for a couple weeks, constant acid churning in my stomach, breast tenderness like I have NEVER experienced in my life, to the point where I had to wear a bra 24/7 for about 2 months. The symptoms of pregnancy have been no picnic for me indeed. As of now, my current complaints are smell sensitivity, where everything smells gross to me, even foods I previously liked, and even the smell of fabric softener like Snuggle, is so pungent to me that I can taste it and it makes me gag. I still wake up at night a couple of times to pee, and of course after that I am no longer able to fall back asleep. There was one day this week that I woke up at 1:15 am and stayed up until about 4 am, and then had to get up for the day at 5 am to go to work. Needless to say I was a zombie that day. In fact, this morning I woke at 3:15 to pee, and was soo restless that I finally got up and 4:30 am and got on the computer to check email. I figured I would be better off using the time to get something accomplished, so that's what I did.

As for my health, I am doing well, I have gained a lot of weight about 20 lbs since I found out I was preggo, that is on top of already having gained 20 lbs from the LA Weight Loss days...so I am already 40 lbs in the hole and look it. I keep saying how the heck do people always think pregnant women are beautiful? Not this preggo woman...I think I am the most hideous one ever, My skin has been hijacked by hormonal acne eruptions that I can't get a handle on b/c I can't even use my Proactiv anymore. It's truly tragic... lol

The baby of course is doing well. I will find out the sex on 9/19 with my ultrasound appt. I was at the Dr's the other day and I got to hear the heartbeat. It was a good, strong heartbeat, and the previous ultrasounds I had were good. The Dr tells me everything looks great. I endure all the unpleasantness just so I can know that one fact. All I want is a healthy, happy, beautiful baby. I am looking forward to seeing this little one soon.

After much contemplation and trepidation, I told work about my pregnancy. I felt it better to tell them sooner rather than later so that they are well aware of my situation and my needs to leave for Dr's appt, etc. I also wanted to make sure that they were well aware that they had to watch my stress level. So far they haven't really done that, as they have still stressed me to the max, but the thing is, I am allowed to freak and and lash out more and I don't get penalized for it. So that's a plus. ;)

Other than that, there is not much to say, other than I am starting to allow people to know about the pregnancy. All of my friends know, a majority of the family knows. A&B know, and B has insisted that she will travel here for my baby shower whenever I have it scheduled. My mother in law has insisted on planning the fete herself, and although I have concerns over that, it's a relief to my mom, who has no money at all to throw the shower, since my dad is still unemployed. That's a story for another time though. I don't have the energy to go into that situation in detail.


So that's it and that's all for now..... ;)

I can't believe it...but it's true!

I can't believe this has finally happened to me... I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!! yahoo yippeeeeee!!!!

Isn't it strange how things in life come at you unexpectedly? Here I am, struggling in a new job...still learning the ropes....concentrating hard on that...and BAM! Next thing I realize that my period was 4 days late...... It's been late before....in fact once it was 5 days late, so I really didn't think it was possible...but I AM!!!!! Incredible....

6 months ago...I was absolutely desperate about achieving a pregnancy. I was told that I would need a fertility doctor. I'd have to go through cycles of hormones, etc in order to get pregnant. They told me that it wasn't highly likely that I could get pregnant naturally because of the endometriosis. They did say that I only had about a 6 month window before it could grow back after my surgery. My surgery was on 10/22/07. On 6/14/07 I found out that I was pregnant. It took almost 8 months...but it happened. And I firmly believe that it was in God's plan for me to lose my job at the other place, and get hired onto this new job before blessing me with this pregnancy. So far I have had 2 of my 3 wishes granted for 2008- I got a new job, and I got pregnant. The other wish was to win the lottery, or lose 50 lbs. LOL. Neither of those will come true any time soon. But you never know... everything I post about happens...So once again I am putting this out to the cosmos, you never know... ;)

So far, I have only told my sister and my best friend. Hubby and I have decided to wait until I can see the Dr. first before we tell our parents. My mother especially will be a nervous Nellie until the first trimester is over. I pray that I will have a healthy pregancy with a healthy baby.
So far I am unbelievably tired ALL the time. Can't stay awake past 9 pm. Workouts at the gym all of a sudden are really really tough on me. I seem to have lost my stamina. I thought it was because I had gained a bunch of weight... In fact, for the past 2 weeks I was on the Atkin's diet, and faithful to it, and couldn't understand why I wasn't dropping the weight....NOW I know....LOL. Of course dieting has to go out the window...but I plan to be as sensible as I can since I already am overweight to begin with. I have a lot of work to do with myself next year.

So for once this is a happy post, not so angst ridden. I will try to chronicle my pregnancy on here as much as I can, if I can remember to....that's another thing..I can't remember ANYTHING these days...it's insane!!

That's it and that's all for now...... :)

Going with the flow.....

So, as the weeks go by with this job, things get stranger and stranger. The VP that hired me got canned a week ago, and since then, things have been pretty weird at work. I think that they couldn't decide what to do with me, so they assigned me to the Big Man. The Big Man is about 5 ft 8 in tall and about 350 lbs. He resembles a beach ball with legs...except he is totally ADD. Lord help me. They decided that they want to teach me his area, so that I can cover for him when he goes on vacation in July. Let's just say that his department isn 't the easiest, and since he is the only one in it...I'd be responsible for the entire thing when he's gone. Needless to say, I don't think I am qualified to do his job, esp since he is a manager, and I am a peon. Aside from that, there is not a chance in hell that I will gain enough experience in 6 weeks that will enable me to do the job adequately. His are big shoes to fill, no pun intended.

I think they they are about ready to hand over some responsibilities to me in the next week or so. I'm apprehensive about it. It will be the first time in my career in purchasing that I will have lines all to myself. It's intimidating. It's scary as hell. I am being overdramatic and I know it. LOL!

I guess the only thing I can say at this point is that I am continuing to challenge myself on a daily basis with the work I am doing. I learn something new everyday. I am also keeping the idea of building my resume first and foremost. This place is not a long term career for me. I will burn out before I ever have a chance to make it a career company. But then again, we have no idea what will happen. All I know is that for some reason, the President of our division of Jackass Co. has been stopping by my desk on a daily basis to "check" on me and to see how I am doing. Now talk about intimidating. This guy comes off as an affable, grandfatherly type, (think Santa Claus but taller and not as portly)....but I can see through those sparkling blue eyes lies the soul of a businessman with killer instincts. I do not for one minute think that he is stopping by to see me because he has taken a liking to me. I truly believe that he is checking to see that they are getting me up to speed so that he is showing R.O.I. I am not producing yet, therefore I am a liability. I'm no dummy, I totally see what he is doing. I recognize sharks from my days at XYZ Asshole Co.

I found out there were more than a few reasons for the VP guy getting let go. I had to do quite a bit of digging to get answers. And I had to get it out of 3 different people and piece all 3 versions together. This is what I found out:

1) VP man had a personality clash with the new President of the division. Apparently they never got along from the start when the new Prez came to the division in February of this year.
2) There were 6 senior employees in the dept that quit within a 6 week period last year. They got fed up with the way he ran the department and jumped ship. I heard that they all called corporate on their anonymous tip line to make complaints as they left. All of those people went to the competition to work. It was a huge blow to this division to lose the experienced talent to the competitors. I am sure that was the first nail in the coffin for him.
3) He hired inexperienced and incompetent people in his desperate search to fill the vacated spots in the department. He was either hiring them all from off the street or from the lower levels in the company that had zero qualifications. Two of the girls he hired were really bad - one was originally hired to be his assistant, (she was the girl that drove the golf cart at his golf club) and promoted her within 2 months. The other he hired in to replace golf club girl as his assistant, and she was the bartender at the local bar that he frequented. Others that he hired were from customer service and although had been in the company for a little bit, they had zero buying experience. I found out that this division has the worst numbers in the company. And I am sure that is the actual reason they fired him.
4) Big Man also shared with me that VP did not support the sales force at all, and pretty much never helped them when they needed support from purchasing. He pretty much instructed all the buyers to treat the sales guys like the pests that they are, and not to pander to them.

So after learning all this information, I wondered...what do they think of me? I am the last one hired in by this guy. He has a horrendous track record for his new hires. Luckily, I am the real deal and have enough background to pass muster. But it explains why Mr. President keeps hanging around my desk. I think he is trying to see if I was another bimbette or the real deal. Hopefully I am making a good impression. Big Man seems to have taken a shine to me. If he sings my praises to the higher ups then all will bode well. But as I stated before BIG SHOES TO FILL. So I try to keep my cool and get on with the show.

Oh, and about that job interview I had a couple weeks back....I never heard back from the lady. I think I was too expensive to hire. She probably settled for a lower paid, lesser experienced person. After thinking about it more, I realized that was not a good fit for me anyway. There was no future there at all. Not that I think I have a shining future at Jackass Co. However, I am getting the opportunity to totally shine at a time when there is an upheaval in management. I may be able to position myself as the ultimate team player and that may lead to bigger and better things. I am curious to see who we get as our new VP. Something tells me that Mr. Prez has something up his sleeve for us. I bet he had someone in mind all along, and it's going to be a person from another division that he trusts. I'll revisit that prediction one day soon. We will see....

That's it and that's all!!

What's new this week....

So, it's been 3 full weeks at the new job...and so far, I am fairly certain that I will be confused as hell once they have me take over my portion. With that being said, I don't think that it's the right thing for me in the long term, however, I am being open-minded enough to realize that I DO have the power to change the situation at any time, and that in order for me to get a chance to get an even better job in this field, I have to get to learn this one first so that I can add it to the top of my resume. So for the meantime, I will take everything I can from this job and use it to my advantage when the time comes. It's a lot of hours and a lot of stress, but I have to make the best of it for now. I have not stopped looking for another job...in fact, I have already been on an interview this past Thursday. The job was a lower level than what I am actually doing, and a little further away, but it's a more informal atmosphere and may be a great job in the long run. The downside is that it is an hourly job (although they wouldn't disclose what they wanted to pay) and it is likely a lower paying job than what I am working currently. The only way I would consider this job is if they will pay me what I was making at the other job at XYZ Asshole Company (or fairly close to it.) The benefits are better at Jackass Company (medical, dental and 401 k, 2 weeks vacation after 1st year and sick and personal time, etc.) The job I interviewed for doesn't offer 401 k, and although it has medical and dental, the vacation policy is crappy...only 1 week after the first year, which means that there is no paid time off in the first year of employment... they do pretty much guarantee overtime, which would get more $ in my pocket..but I'd have to trade off some stuff to do this job, if she offers it to me. She will make a hiring decision next week and I will see if she extends me an offer. The only reason she wouldn't want me is because of the pay scale I need...because, other than that, I am more than qualified and would do an exceptional job. It took me months to realize this, but I now know that I could pretty much excel at any job interview that I get, and any employer would be lucky to have me. I have a lot to offer. That is why Jackass Company wanted me so badly. It's just too bad for me that they got me too cheap. Unfortunately, I couldn't negotiate- large corporations like this won't do that for someone on my "level". However, the next big position that I go for, I WILL have that bargaining power because of the valuable experience that I have obtained. So that's the update on the job front....

On to the update on A & B...it's been a while.... I got a call out of the blue the other nite from B. Apparently, A got a big promotion and is now a Senior Big Cheese at his company. How nice for him. I am sure that his already inflated ego is about ready to burst from this one. I told her to tell him congrats for me. I am sure that he wanted her to tell me about it, but is too chicken to speak to me himself. Whatever. I thought that was all that she wanted to tell me, until she dropped the next bomb on me. "Guess what I did last Friday? I got my tubes tied!" After picking up my jaw from the floor, I gained enough composure to ask why the HELL she put herself through yet ANOTHER surgery...her last one was only a month ago to fix her breast implants...you'd think that since she was SO indecisive about the elective surgery for THAT, that she wouldn't consider doing another elective surgery so soon after that one. However, if you recall on a previous post about A & B, I mentioned that she had been after him to get a vasectomy... well, he pretty much WON'T do it. A is so caught up in his macho ego, that he can't even tolerate the thought that he couldn't spread his seed, even though he claims to be "faithful" to B. I say, if you have had all the children that you want to have, and you have no intention of using condoms, or pills for birth control, then it makes more sense for the man to have the surgery because it is less invasive than the tubal ligation. But, as anyone who has read my posts can see, A is a selfish asshole. He has always been a selfish asshole, and he will continue to be a selfish asshole forever. The fact of the matter is, I think he gets off on the idea that he COULD possibly father another child one day. B had to make the decision to protect herself from his "super sperm" as it were, so that SHE doesn't have to deal with another pregnancy. We all know that SHE is the one that does EVERYTHING in regards to home and children alike. I guess in a way I couldn't blame her for it, but if I were her, I would be extremely angry at A for not doing his part, and by his passive aggressive maneuvering, forcing her to undergo a surgery that truly was unnecessary. I look at this as a very sad thing for a couple to be on 2 different planes at the same time. They exist in the same household, but never on the same plane. They are in parallel universes to one another. Truly sad. When I told Shell about this latest bit of news, all she had to say was... Maybe she started to take up with that guy at work and doesn't want to take a chance that SHE could get pregnant by accident. I don't know if that is a possibility for her. Maybe, maybe not. I can't say that I would feel bad for A if she cheated on him. In reality though, I know that she couldn't possibly have the time to fit in a boyfriend, because she has to run her household with no help. But then again... A has been traveling a lot lately...and when the cat's away, and the kittens are asleep upstairs...the mouse can come play all he wants! ;)

That's my update for this week.
I wish all the mothers out there a Happy Mother's Day on Sunday.


That's it and that's all.....

Confused and Perturbed

So....I have been at my "new" job for about a week now...and guess what?? I HATE IT. The job is NOT what I was led to believe, and I am being underpaid to do it. 50+ hr weeks are the norm. Go in 6 am 'ish.. leave 5:30-6 pm.... They are chronically understaffed, there is no formal training program, the computer system they use is extremely confusing and all this for $10,000 less per year than I made at XYZ Asshole Company. My new company, which will from here on shall be called U.S. Jackass Company, is stupid in a whole OTHER dimension that I never though possible. I found out that almost everyone in the dept is there 5 months to 2 years...you know why??? HIGH TURNOVER...no one wants to deal with their BS for a job that pays peanuts. Lord help me...I need it!!!!

I need to hit the lotto...that is the ONLY way out of this mess I am now stuck in. Jobs are so hard to come by..and now I am stuck in a really crappy one. DAMN!

I got the job...so why am I so sad?

It's kind of strange... for the past 3 months, I have been so unbelieveably focused on getting a job...I did all the things that one should do...and it worked...I got a job. So why am I so sad??

Well, there are a few reasons....I am mourning the loss of my unending free time. Today is my "last" free day, being that it's a weekday and I have the time to sit here and blog at my leisure. I went into my new employer's office on Monday to pick up some paperwork and to get the directions for my lovely drug test. I read the handbook with the really seriously stringent dress code. Ugh. I am now stressing out over finding many pairs of plain black slacks so that I know I will always be in compliance with this dress code. I also need shoes...ugh. This is FLORIDA...wearing closed shoes is absolutely STIFLING in the summer- and summer pretty much lasts all year round down here. I guess I am pretty annoyed knowing that someone else will own not only my time for 40+ hours a week, but they also dictate what I can wear. I take exception to this as a creative soul. It bothers me b/c I dress well even in jeans and a top...I never look sloppy. I hate that others ruin it for the whole group. Apparently this stringent dress code went into effect this past Monday in response to people constantly violating it. Idiots! I can't wear jeans on Fridays because some idiots wore dirty or cut off jeans. What pisses me off even more..is that CAPRI PANTS aren't even allowed. Again...this is FLORIDA...they make CAREER looking capris that look pretty professional...but guess what? No one is allowed to wear them. In fact, you can't even wear CROPPED pants at all! If it's more than 3 inches above the ankle, you can't wear them, you will get sent home to change and a black mark goes in your file. Ugh.
I haven't even started and I am already annoyed. That is not good at all. I am supposed to be excited to start up a new opportunity...instead I am dreading it. I know I sound like a petulant child, but I can't help it....I waited years to get a new job, and it's not the ideal job for me. Not to mention the pay is $8000 less per year than I was making and the "bonus" that I was enticed with isn't included in my compensation. After I got roped in, I was told that the bonus is an end of the year performance based bonus. Again, I was not given any info on that..I was told that I would be given the detals of that on my first day.

I hate to sound so negative about this...but at this point in time I am pretty unhappy with the situation. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place and I have no choice but to take this job because there is just no jobs out there...I am lucky to have found any job...and it pays better than the local retail job at the mall or grocery store.

Ugh.... I am disgusted about this whole thing..... I need to win the lotto already...

That's it and that's all...

Update: So a little while ago I hear from my new boss, I had some questions regarding the compensation for this job, one of which was about the bonus that was supposed to be attached to it. He assured me that I would be eligible for a performance based bonus at the end of the year, etc, but could not put a dollar amount on it due to the fluid nature of it. So a few minutes after I get off the phone with him, the HR person calls me to follow up on his conversation. She tells me that my new boss was "misinformed" of the terms of the position. That this is an entry level position that is NOT eligible for any bonuses at all. So basically, I am really really screwed. And everyone wonders why I have had such a BAD feeling about this company. They have changed the terms on me now that I am at the hiring stage and it really really makes me uneasy about how this company practices. I was told that this position I am filling is a newly created one and that it has been set by corporate to be at an entry level job grade, and those don't get bonuses. The next job grade up from this one IS eligible for bonuses. I asked her what the terms were with that position, hoping that I had something to work towards. I explained to her that I was told on 2 different occasions that the job is salary plus bonus AND that this position is a huge pay cut from what I was making prior. She said that she felt bad that I was misinformed, and that the guy was not totally in sync with what HR does. She said that is why they do the offer letter, and that things are in writing. She told me that I have to be in this entry level position for 6 months before I can move to any other positions in the company. Of course, when I originally asked about waiting periods, the new boss told me that promotions are done on merit. I am afraid to ask about the pay raise system. I am so confused right now I don't know what to do. The HR person told me to take the day to think about it and call her back to let her know if I still wanted the position. And if I was to still start on Monday, she said to let her know what time I wanted to come in. God how I wish I could just win the lottery this weekend so I don't even HAVE to do this. I feel like I am right back where I was before in the XYZ Asshole Company. I spent too many years being unhappy in a company and a job that I hated. I despise the idea of doing that to myself again- and being paid even LESS on top of it. I seriously wish the earth could swallow me up and make me disappear. I can't allow myself to be taken advantage of again. I just want so badly for things to go my way. I prayed so hard to get this job, and now that I got it...I wish I didn't. It's so not what I expected it to be. I deserve SO much better than this, I really do. The sad thing is, I know that I will still accept the job and show up there on Monday..but the residue of the deception will always linger with me. This blog is the only outlet that I have to say all of this. My family expects me to take the job, my Hubby expects me to take the job. All of my friends expect me to take this job. The market is horrendous and there are no jobs to be found right now. It makes me sad to know that I am devaluing myself by taking this job. Lord help me, I don't know if I will ever be able to be happy again. I think I prefer being unemployed. This is pure torture for me.

I did it!!! Success is finally mine.....

Thank you LORD I got the job!!! I got the phone call from my new boss yesterday.... It was a little startling because I did not expect to hear anything until a letter arrived. Apparently, he wanted to let me know so I didn't accept any other job (LOL)- AS IF I had any other prospects...but he didn't know that anyway. I will be receiving some letter of offer with all the details of compensation and benefits that I will have to sign and return. After that, they will do a background check and then I get to do a drug test. I have nothing to hide, so these things will be no problem for me. I told him that I would speak to my hubby and call him back in the morning with my answer. I have yet to make the call...I am waiting until later in the morning to do it. I didn't want to appear over-eager or desperate. Never let them see you sweat...lol

The only thing I was not crazy about was the starting salary. It is a pretty big pay cut..but in these tough financial times I can't be picky. I will prove myself and move up in the company quickly. No matter what, this company is going to be better than XYZ Asshole Company. There is no worse company out there than that one. As a side note..I found out from one of my friends there that my old boss just purchased a new home, and a Porsche to boot. I said that the bastard probably got a bonus equal to my annual salary when they eliminated my position. Whatever..... as of this morning... I am no longer bound to them...I have my fresh start and my new beginning to look forward to.

And that's it and that's all I have to say about THAT!!!

Getting closer to the finish line....

Boy has this been an eventful day.... After blogging last week, it took only a day after to get that call from the company that I have been trying to get into all this time.... I was called in for a second interview today. It was a "formality" according to them because they had already interviewed me and they had to have on file that they interviewed me after the job had been actually posted. So far so good. I spoke with both Senior Managers again... and each of them let me know that I was the top candidate for the position. One of them even went as far as to read off to me some of his prior interview notes- he wrote that I was knowledgeable and definitely qualified to do the job. He also told me that my experience was more than their current crop of trainees. This is all good news for me. He also elaborated that he was not allowed to discuss compensation (STILL???) and that he was going to recommend me to be hired. So all that is left is for the VP to sign off on that, and for HR to send the official offer in the mail. I found that to be pretty bizarre, but according to my father in law, it's done that way in some companies...but they usually extend the offer over the phone and then follow up with a letter. The interview ended on a positive note, and he said that he hopes to be speaking to me very soon. I have a very good feeling about this...I am fairly certain that I will get the job. Now I hope that it's good pay and all that...however, I will be taking it regardless because my severance is up this month....

Anyway.... that's it and that's all for now... Wish me luck!!!!!

Here we go again....

So it's been about a week since my conversation with the Senior Manager regarding the position I am after.... I decided that I have been patient enough and called and left a message asking about the status of the position and my application. The guy's voice mail had an outgoing message from yesterday that stated that on April 1st, he would be in and out of the office and in meetings. He hasn't changed his message to today's date...so I am now wondering if he is even in the office today. Only time will tell I suppose. I figured that I had nothing to lose by blogging about the situation, considering that the last few entries I made preceded some sort of immediate action on the job front. Well..... I am waiting....

To be continued...

That's it and that's all....

You just keep me hangin' on....

HALLELUJAH!!

So after blogging about my most recent exasperations this morning...guess what? I hear from that company that I have been waiting for an answer..... So.... the VP guy isn't the one who calls me back, but one of the Senior Managers that I actually interviewed with already.... He let me know that they hadn't made a decision yet (good) and that they had a lot of applications to wade through (ok, good) and not to be surprised if they call me back again next week for a second interview (fantastic!). He then proceeds to tell me that they have 2 internal candidates that they are looking at (ut oh) and they are trying to determine who would be the best candidate. (it's me! it's me!) So I told him that was totally understandable, and I asked when they anticipate making a hiring decision, and he said that they are anxious to get the show on the road and make the decision by the end of next week. He also said that I can call him to follow up on the job, and I asked for his direct number and he gave that to me. So far so good, right?

I'm a little anxious about the 2 internal candidates that they are considering. At the time of my interview (by the way, he did tell me that he has still not interviewed anyone else yet- I'm the only one) I was told that there were no appropriate internal candidates for the job because they wanted someone with experience and did not want to start from scratch. I am hoping that I have the edge here. Most companies do promote from within, however, I am at a point in my career that to start over in an entry level job it would not be in my best interests. So I am keeping my fingers crossed once more ...

It's funny how this keeps happening....I blog..and then the phone rings.....

I am going to test this one.... I wanna win the lotto at the next drawing. The lotto needs to come up with my numbers. I have been waiting to hear my numbers for at least 10 years that I have had the same ones. I think I deserve my numbers to come up this week.

How's that? Maybe that's all it really takes is to put my wildest wishes out on Blogspot.

Let's see how THIS one pans out!

That's it and that's all!!!!!

Exasperation is setting in.....

It's safe to say that I am fully exasperated with my job search. I have been pounding the internet for hours a day, seven days a week for over 2 months now. So far that has yielded me only 3 face to face interviews, and one phone screen. The job market SUCKS. Employers SUCK. You can't seem to get past the computer screen outs that filter resumes, and no one will return a phone call either.

The most promising job lead that I had came thru a relative in a company that I have tried to get into for the past year. I had a GREAT interview...it looked really promising...and then they told me that the job wasn't actually available yet, and they weren't sure when it would be available. Fast forward a week and a half, and I see that job posted on the internet. I called and left a message to follow up on my application. I rec'd no call back. I give this guy the benefit of the doubt and think...ok, he may have been off from work that Good Friday...maybe he took a long weekend. Finally, on Wednesday of this week, I call again... I left ANOTHER message asking about the status of my application, and let him know that I was aware that the job was now posted....could he please return my call at his earliest convenience??? NOTHING. No phone call yet. It's now Thursday and I feel like my hands are tied. I have done my part as a job seeker...I sent that thank you note THE SAME DAY after the interview (which would mean he'd get it the next day), I followed up a week and a half later, and then made one more call after that. I don't know what else I am supposed to do in order to get my name in the running for this job that I want SO badly. I was as professional, poised and cool as a cucumber as I am able to be. I did not show desperation- I did not stumble on words. I had a great feeling about that interview- which for the record lasted over an hour and a half.... I really thought that I had a good shot this time. I really did. And now I am more than confused....I am totally confounded.

Is there anyone out there reading this? I am putting this out there in the hopes that someone can give me a point of view that I am not seeing. I am trying to be as open minded as possible, and trying NOT to be negative or take this personally- but it is getting much harder to keep that attitude as the weeks fly by and I am still not gainfully employed.

I cannot think of one other thing that I can do to find a job that was the level that I was at (or better.) I apply online to jobs that correspond with my vision, I registered my with some agencies and a couple of recruiters that I have spoken with. So far not one lead from those contacts. I have networked with everyone I know... What else can I do? It's getting to the point where I will have to take a job for $8 and hour in order to have employment.... I made 3 times that in my previous position. Is there a point where it's acceptable to take such a step down? It's more than just ego- I really can't afford to work for $8 and hour- my bills are too high to do that...BUT I can't live on unemployment.... $275 a week just won't cut it ($6.87/hr...ouch!) I don't want it to hurt me to take a lower paying job just to be employed..and have that be my most recent job history and salary history for a potential employer to go by. It's a real issue for me...and I am not sure what to do anymore.

I'm putting this out there - I need some guidance... someone comment...PLEASE!!!

That's it and that's all.....

Conclusion to the Office Max Debacle....

FINALLY.. 3 weeks after the desk was purchased, it arrived at my house last nite. Of course it didn't just arrive without any aggravation. It just so happens that I called Office Max yesterday to inquire about my desk, as no one from there had even bothered to follow up with me to let me know when it would be available....and when I called, to my amazement they informed me that it was to be delivered that day....between the hours of 8 am and 5 pm. Of course they had no specific time of delivery. As it happens, the same freight company was to deliver it, so I called them to find out when the driver was going to be in my area. She told me between 1pm and 3pm. At 4 pm, there was still no desk. I called the freight carrier and got an answering machine..so I thought I was S.O.L. My husband called the Office Max customer service line and got the usual song and dance about them needing 24 to 48 hrs to get a trace done on the package. At 6:30 pm I get a call from the driver, asking if it's still ok for him to deliver the desk that late...I was more than thrilled to get it, so I told him yes. He got to my house at 7 pm.

I am still curious to know if any of the idiots at Office Max will even follow up with us to make sure that we indeed received the desk... however, I believe it's more likely that they still have their heads up their asses and don't know what the hell happened. As for the complaint letter I sent to corporate, I am not holding my breath about anyone ever contacting me about the poor customer service. My thought is that they are well aware of how terrible it is, and have absolutely no intention of correcting it. I am putting on the record that I will NEVER buy ONE ITEM...not even a pen - from Office Max ever again. They do not deserve my business and patronage.

That's it and that's all....

A Rant....

Ok, I am going to rant here..... I had an absolutely HORRIBLE experience with OFFICE MAX.... this company is completely unprofessional and disorganized. Honestly, I cannot believe that they can stay in business with the way they operate.... I'm going to put a copy of the complaint letter that I sent to the VP/COO in the corporate office, it explains the situation in detail:

Mr. Sam Martin
Executive VP/COO
Office Max
263 Shuman Blvd.
Naperville, IL 60563

Dear Sir:
We are writing to advise you of a dismaying situation that we have experienced with your company. We have attempted multiple times to resolve the issue with customer service, to no avail, thus, we felt the necessity to alert upper management in this matter.
We decided to purchase the Vantage Desk (item# 2091 2684) from your retail store in XXXX, XX on 3/2/08. Our sales associate determined that the boxes the desk came in would not fit in our vehicle, therefore, he suggested the free delivery that Office Max was offering. He told us that we would only need to wait a few days for delivery. It was only after we were rung up that we were told that our delivery date would be on 3/10/08, 8 days later. Although it was not our preference to wait over a week for the desk, we decided to accept that delivery date.
On 3/10/08, a call was made to the customer service center to confirm that the order was to be delivered that day, and to obtain a delivery window. We were assured that we would have the desk delivered that day, and to expect it between 8 am and 5 pm. We waited at home all day for the delivery. When no delivery arrived by 5 pm, we called customer service to inquire about our delivery. The customer service representative said that she would put in a delivery trace request with the carrier and have them call us back shortly. After an hour, we called back to request that a supervisor intervene on our behalf. We spoke to Nicole, who was unable to get us an answer regarding our delivery in less than 24 to 48 hours. We find that to be unacceptable. In this age of computers, there is always a way to track shipments and packages. We requested the name of the freight carrier handling the shipment so that we could follow up personally.
The next morning (3/11/08) we spoke to Cathy at Super Sonic Transport, who kindly tracked down our shipment for us, even though she had no identifying information other than our name and address to go by. She advised us that Office Max did not have the desk available to be picked up and that our item was listed on their O.S.M.D. report and they will need to set up a new delivery arrangement.
We called customer service on 3/11/08 and spoke to a representative named Dan. We relayed the information from Cathy from Super Sonic Transport and were told that we needed to wait another 24 hours for information regarding the delivery of our desk.
On 3/12/08 we received a call from Lindsay in customer service who informed us that our desk is now on backorder, and they do not expect a shipment available until 3/17/08, with the earliest possible delivery on 3/20/08. We are now painfully aware that we will be made to wait another entire day at home for the delivery of an item that was supposed to be immediately available the day that we purchased it. Had we been aware of the inconvenience of Office Max’s delivery practices, we would have made other arrangements to obtain the desk from the store the same day it was purchased. We should not be made to wait 3 weeks for an item that was not on backorder when it was purchased.
We are extremely displeased with the service level at Office Max. The Vantage Desk was the first large purchase we have made with your company. We are now reconsidering ordering any more furniture and supplies for our office as a result of the poor treatment that we received. We understand that time is money, and our time was wasted waiting for a delivery for 8 hours that never came, and it was wasted chasing down information over the telephone over several days to obtain basic information regarding a delivery. We value our time, and we do not want to be made to wait any longer for this order.
We hope that by bringing this to your attention it will help to spur you to action in making serious changes in your customer service, distribution and supply chain management for Office Max. Not many customers will take the time to express their displeasure in this manner; they will simply stop purchasing their office supplies from you. We are giving you the opportunity to correct this problem and to keep a customer.

So that's the letter....I sent it off to the corporate office yesterday and I hope that I get a response. The issue has yet to be resolved, as the delivery date for my new desk is not until the 20th. My gut feeling is that this item was in backorder all along, and they were too STUPID to tell me when we bought it. They had it in stock at the store that day, I would have had them hold it until the next day when I could have had a friend or relative come pick it up for me. The whole process broke down from the store level, and moved all the way down from there. The sales associate should have informed us that the desk would be coming from a central distribution center, and not the store directly. He never once mentioned that the desk wasn't being delivered locally. So now as I am sitting here publishing this blog, I am in an office of disarray because I had anticipated the arrival of the desk 4 days ago and I don't want to re-organize this stuff only to have to take it all apart again when we get the desk next week...that is IF it arrives at all.

Moral of the story... Don't buy anything from Office Max if it requires their "free delivery" it's not going to be free....it will cost you valuable time and a lot of aggravation. And if I wasn't at home looking for work, I would be DOUBLY pissed that I had taken a day off from a job to wait at home for a delivery that never came. Get your crap together Office Max!! You need to start confirming delivery appointments, and confirming that the delivery was received. If you had followed up on the shipment, then it wouldn't have taken 24-48 hours to get an answer. I got my answer from the freight carrier myself and only had to wait an hour to get it. So it's not beyond the realm of possibility. I know how freight works, I used to work in a company that shipped goods and used carriers to do it. And I am thoroughly aware of the fact that all of this info is available as tracking online, as the carriers often scan the merchandise as it is loaded on the truck, and then scan when it arrives so that info is immediately available electronically and uploaded onto a computer...it's always available you idiots....I wasn't born yesterday!! I probably know more about that process than you all do anyway!!!

So that's my rant for today.... to be continued after I get my desk....

That's it and that's all folks!!!!

And the job hunt continues.....

So it's been a little over a week since my last post and I have had 2 interviews. The first one went well, but I was not comfortable with the company, the people and the environment. It looked too much to be like the XYZ Asshole Company in its practices and the biggest turnoff was that you get zero paid time off for the first 15 months that you are working there. Not even 1 sick or personal day. I think that blows!! So although I think I made a good impression, I think that if this one comes a knockin', I won't be letting it in. But somehow I have a feeling that they will find someone willing to take that garbage for way less money than I am worth. So there!

The interview that I had on this Monday was for the job that I REALLY REALLY want. My uncle got me in with a VP and he interviewed me, along with 2 other Senior Managers. I had 3 interviews in the span of an hour and a half. I was comfortable with the details of the position, the people that I spoke to, and I even felt like the environment would be comfortable. The only thing is that the position has not been opened up yet. From what I can tell, I was the only person interviewed for the position. The VP let me know that the job is not open yet, but as soon as it is they will forward my application and their notes to HR. I am praying to GOD that this job materializes, and soon. It's a decent commute from my home (only 5 min away from where I worked before) and although I couldn't get any salary info from them, I was at least told that the job paid salary plus bonus. I believe that it's a good job. I need the laws of attraction to work in my favor here... I WANT THIS JOB!!! Please Lord make it happen... and make it happen sooner rather than later!!! :)

An update on the job search.....

Well, so far I have only had ONE interview in almost 2 months of being unemployed...and let me tell you...it's not for a lack of trying. One thing I learned for sure...the job market these days is really competitive...and really hard. I had no clue how hard it would be. I am on the web for hours a day chasing down job postings... I apply...I get no response. I would follow up on the job postings...BUT they are almost ALL anonymous- meaning, you can't contact any human being regarding the application at all. In fact, most of the jobs posted don't even give you the name of the company you are applying to, and many don't specify what the pay scale is either. It makes me wonder if most jobs listed on the internet are only dummy jobs that aren't really there. For instance, the job may have been posted internally, and they INTEND to fill it internally, but some sort of protocol specifies that they MUST offer it outside. Basically, a lot of ghost jobs are out there. I am on Careerbuilder, Monster, HotJobs, and Craigslist constantly. Hell, I even got on some smaller sites like GoliathJobs, and Jobing. Alas, to no avail. I have worked my network to death, and so far it has not yielded one legitimate job lead. I am trying to stay positive, honestly I am, but the truth is that I am worried about finding something soon. I am starting to consider taking a job at the local Publix store just to be employed. Considering that I was making almost $50k a year in my previous job, it's a hard pill to swallow....

Stop the presses....I just got a call back on a position that applied for twice on Careerbuilder....yeehaw...an impromptu phone interview that sounded pretty promising.... I should hear back from them by later this week or early next week....

I think blogging about this was good luck, I need to do this more often...

Wish me luck.... that's it and that's all...... ;)

Unemployed :(

So, after 12 long arduous years at XYZ Asshole Company, I was let go on Wednesday of this week. I was surprised, to say the least. They "eliminated" my position, and were downsizing again. I find that interesting, considering that they had ALREADY downsized from 700 employees down to 202 as of December. They were only recently bragging about how STRONG the company was financially and how they had emerged from the last downsizing as smaller, but stronger. So much for all that mumbo jumbo. I guess all I have to say is that I am oddly relieved that I didn't have to wake up and go there yesterday. I don't have to ever see those assholes again or deal with their bs ever again. I spent all day yesterday working on the resume, applying for unemployment benefits, etc. I was given a seperation agreement with a severance package for 12 weeks. I have had a few people look it over, and it seems to be on the level. I have a couple more people to look at it before I turn it in next week. There is a 7 day waiting period on it before it becomes effective, so it is to my benefit to sign it and return it asap so I don't have an interruption of pay.

I guess I have to just get the ball rolling and get out there and find the dream job. I so deserve a brand new start..it's the thing I have been PRAYING for. Hopefully the rest of the things I prayed for will come through as well.

That's it and that's all for now....

And A New Year Has Begun.....

So this is my first post of 2008. First off, I want to say how glad I am that 2007 is over. It was the crappiest year I have ever had for a lot of reasons, and I have some hope for 2008 to be a better year, for it can't get much worse, right?

First off, an update on A&B.... yesterday I spoke to B and she was once again complaining about what an "ass" he is. Apparently he is still acting really jealous, accusing her of being unfaithful and being really distant at home to her and the kids. He is "stressed" at work, etc and takes it out on them. She tells me that he never spends time with the kids, and never helps her with ANYTHING in the house. All he does is come home, eat dinner, occasionally he bathes their son, and then he locks himself in the extra bedroom to play World of Warcraft until all ungodly hours of the night. He's so into it that he has an internet telephone connection with a headset where he can talk to all the strangers he is playing with for all those hours. She expressed to me that it hurts her to know that he'd rather speak to all of those strangers rather than his own wife. They have been married almost 15 years, together almost 18 years and yet has very little trust in her. I don't blame her for being upset...I was upset to know that he is so harsh to a person that is as good as she is.

So imagine my surprise that a couple of hours after she confessed all this to me, that I hear from HIM out of the blue. Mind you it's been about 4 months since I had spoken to him - and I pretty much wrote him off as a nobody in my life. When he called me (at work of course so she would never know he called) he acted all cool and was like "What's up?" and I said... "Who's this? I don't KNOW this person..." I wanted to break his balls because I think he deserved it. He is nothing but an insecure guy with a fragile and large ego...I couldn't help myself. Anyway, he got pissy that I said that and proceeded to hang up on me. I was flabbergasted, but I would be DAMNED if I would react to it...b/c I know that is what he wanted. He ended up calling back within 2 minutes. I know already that he is having problems at home b/c she clued me in to the fact... so in a way, I am not surprised that he called me...he only reaches out to me when he is pissed off at her. I refuse to get involved in his nonsense. He was complaining about her- he said she is "mean as a rattlesnake" to which I responded..."I don't really believe that. Your wife is a good woman and she's a good person." He said,"You don't know how she really is." I said to him..."I am not going to believe any of the nonsense b/c I wouldn't want to have to defend you." (lol). He got a little miffed at that statement and said... "I need someone to defend me sometimes." and I said "Well, you never needed me before, so I guess you are S.O.L." Basically I think I got the message through to him that I was not going to bash her just to make him feel better. She's not perfect, no one is, but I firmly believe that he is the one who is MOST at fault for their problems. He is self involved, lazy and immature in a great many ways. I don't envy her for being stuck with him.... One other interesting note, when I said something about not hearing from him recently, he said, "Well, I keep up with you by talking to B. She always let me know what you and Hubby are up to and how you all are doing." I found that interesting. I guess in his own way, he can't let go of me. He wants to be able to find a new way to get his hooks into me again. I will NEVER allow that to happen EVER again. When I left off with him yesterday, I didn't say anything about keeping in touch, hope to hear from you soon, or good to hear from you. I purposely didn't say any of those things in order to give him a clue that he has no hold on me anymore. A year ago I may not have been able to withstand a conversation with him. I am a much stronger person now than then, my best friend Shell stated it best "You finally graduated." Yep I sure did...and I will continue to exorcise him from my life as often as I need to in order to find the peace that I need. Hip Hip Hooray!