What a year!

As I sit here typing this entry, I am struck by the thought that this has been quite a year for me... it has encompassed the most changes that I have ever had in a year's period- from being pregnant, to getting then losing a job, having the baby, then getting yet ANOTHER (more suitable) job... Through it all, I had the faith that God would see me through this period of transition and I'd be better because of it.

It was a busy month...my boy is almost 11 months old (next week) and he is doing well...he's VERY active and drives me nuts...and I love him for it. He had his first Christmas and Hanukkah, and was baptized in church...all this month.

This is a short entry... just wanted to get a last one in for the year,....


Here's to a great 2010!!! That's it and that's all.....

Loving the job!

It's been a month since I have had a chance to post... I have been busy with my new job and my family life! The job is a breeze...no stress, only 20 hours per week, and just enough challenge to keep me interested. This is the job that I have been searching for and I can't believe that I finally found it!

My baby boy turned 10 months old on the 6th. He has 6 teeth, he stands up and cruises from place to place holding on to the furniture. He weighed 19.4 lbs and is 29 inches long at his last Dr's appt. He is such a joy in my life I adore him! He's finally displaying a lot of personality, and is getting a little easier to care for, although he is a handful....we had to install the baby gates to keep him out of my kitchen and dining room! There was a little bit of sadness the other day when we took his mobile off the crib...he had begun pulling on it. That was the last of the "newborn" things in his room, he's growing up so fast now!

Christmas is coming up- and I am looking forward to it...but I still haven't put up my tree- I'm afraid of the baby getting into it. I will probably put it in the dining room outside of the gated area. We HAVE to have a tree...it's his 1st Christmas after all!

Another little piece of news... I have FINALLY arranged to have the baby baptized- it's technically called a "dedication" in the Protestant church. We are having it on Dec 27th - 2 days after Christmas. My sister will be able to be here for it, and she and my brother will be the godparents. I'm relieved to get this done- it's been weighing on me that he hasn't been blessed in church. My Hubby wasn't too happy with the idea, being that he is Jewish, but I explained to him- if you're not practicing, it shouldn't matter to you, And isn't it better for the baby to be blessed anyway? We told my in-laws and so far they seem ok with it. They aren't religious either, so my justification holds. I also reminded Hubby that we didn't get married in church and he promised me back then that the kids could be baptized. I think he figured I'd never go through with it. He doesn't realize how deep my faith in the Lord is. He wasn't raised the same way I was. That's ok, my son will learn from me. I have no problems with teaching him anything!

Anyway, this has to be short and sweet...baby boy has woke up from his nap and I have to go get him....

That's it and that's all for now....!

Feeling Blessed!

I had my first "Monday" at my new job today. I started setting up my new office and files, and I even cut a couple of po's on my first real day on the job. So far so good. I like my new boss, who is super nice..and I am loving the fact that I have my own office with a door. I can totally block out any noise, etc if I am on the phone and actually have a private conversation. It's a new thing for me!

In other news... US A-hole Company laid off 20 more people today- and the 2 people that were left there that I truly liked were among the unlucky ones...my ex boss and my one friend D. My ex boss Facebooked me to let me know that he was laid off- I haven't heard from D yet..but I did send her a message telling her that I was sorry to hear about it. I know her husband was laid off last year around the holidays and now it happened to her this year. I hope that she will be ok. I hope she emails me back..... I find it ironic that I started this job just as they started cutting personnel again... It's also ironic that my ex boss JUST was a reference for me last week when I was being hired for my current job. Thank goodness I got the job before all this happened...it would have been hard to do a reference for my last position otherwise...

My baby boy is cutting TWO more top teeth for a new total of 6 teeth...so he's been a little cranky, but thank GOD he has been SO much better for my mom when she babysits him for me so I can work. I think that once I get into the groove of this company and the routine of dropping off the baby and picking him up every day, I will do great. It's another period of adjustment is all...and since I have had constant changes for the past year it's not a big deal anymore...we are on to a new phase in our lives!

In summation...I feel so very blessed to have this new job and an opportunity to start a new career at a different company and may I have a long and successful career there!

That's it and that's all!!!

I got the Job!!

I am pleased to announce that I got the job that I had previously posted about.... I have been too busy to post, but I am pretty shocked and happy about it. I can't believe that it's the same company that I had applied to back in July and they called me back! I will be the newest buyer there, and although it's part time (20 hrs/week) with no benefits like paid time off, I got to choose my hours, which will be 8 am-12 noon Monday thru Friday, and I will have my own office for the first time ever...also I will be paid more $ per hour than my last job, so when this eventually turns to a full time position, it will be more $ than before. I can only hope that they haven't sold me on a sham position with no future, because I am TIRED of job hunting and want to have a permanent place to call home so to speak. My first day is tomorrow- I will be working in the warehouse for 2 days then moving to the office after that. Needless to say, after being out of work for exactly 9 months today- I am nervous about starting over AGAIN and even more nervous about how my baby boy will react to being away from me for about 5 hrs per day. He has gotten a tiny bit better about staying with my Mom, but it was a rough go yesterday when my Mother in law had him for a couple of hours while I went to a chiro appt. It's going to be a huge adjustment for both of us. I can only hope it's easier on him than on me.

That's about it for now...I will post more when I get started in my new place!

That's it and that's all!

Job Update

So, I had my 2nd interview at that manufacturing company yesterday....and it looks like I am being offered the job! I spent another 2 hours there with the guy who will be my boss, who is SUPER nice and I think I will like working with him.... I think once I learn the ins and outs of this business I will be a super star there...here are the details of the position:

It is part time for now- they are going to make sure that I am hired as a permanent employee and not a temp, so that I don't get laid off in a couple of months once the busy season ends. The new boss said that if I catch on well and do well, he can make a case for me to be a full time employee. I will work about 20 hrs per week to start off...and I can make my schedule to whatever works for me and the baby. For now, I will work 8 am to noon or 9 am to 1 pm, whichever works better for me. I was also told that they will try to get approval for me to be paid for the holidays that the office is closed, which would be nice. This is the first place I have seen that actually has nice holiday time off: Paid for Thanksgiving Day and Black Friday, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, Labor Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, and even Good Friday- I have never even heard of a company that gives you Good Friday off! (Essentially that is compensating you for Easter Sunday, since it's always a Sunday you would not normally get paid for that holiday at any other company!) Another perk- I will have my own office for the first time in my working career! It's a nice size too- they already showed it to me. It just needs to be outfitted with a desk and stuff, it's currently empty. Basically the only thing I am waiting for is for them to get the approval to pay me the money I asked for (which comes out to more $ per hour than the last job I worked at USA A-hole company) and to get me the paid holidays as well. If they accomplish that for me I will be THRILLED. This is the type of job that I was looking to find once I had the baby...Part time, well paying, and flexible. It's almost too good to be true. I hope that there are no catches to this thing, I want it too much!

I made sure to let them know that I was so disappointed when they never responded to me back in July and August when I asked about the status of the position. They claim to have been hit with a hiring freeze right after I interviewed. However, that cannot explain the lack of courtesy in getting a response back. All they needed to do was let me know about the hiring freeze and I would have understood that. As it turns out, the reason why I am being hired now is because the guy that will be my boss was SO overwhelmed with work (apparently Wal-Mart put in an unexpected huge order not figured into their demand) that he couldn't physically do it all anymore, and he started having panic attacks (gee that sounds familiar!) So they finally got approval to hire a part timer to help out. His goal is to get me in there full time. He told me at one time there were 3 buyers doing what he does now. I could only imagine the pressure he is under. I think he is very well paid though. He travels for the company all the time- international and all...but all the money in the world is not worth your health and well being, so I think that is why he is pushing so hard to get me hired in at my terms. The HR lady told me that I was the front runner for the job all along and once he got the ok to hire someone, he asked for me specifically. He knew from the get go that I was what he wanted. I guess I REALLY impressed him in the interview. I had a feeling that I did...which is why I was SO confused when I never heard back from them again.

So anyway, that's the deal there...and on a side note, I have finally decided to wean baby boy from the breast...he made it easy for me, since he has not wanted to nurse. He prefers the faster flow of the bottle and doesn't want to work for it anymore, so I stopped pumping (I wasn't getting more than an ounce anyway after an entire hour of pumping!) I guess it's time now. I am saddened a little, I actually came to enjoy the time I spent feeding him- but he's getting bigger now, and I am going back to work soon, so it all worked out for the best. As I have said before, God has his plan for you and things will always work out the way he wants them to. I have my faith in Him and it has once again brought me through.

That's it and that's all!!

Quick update

This is an interesting development....the company that I last interviewed with back in early July- the one that IGNORED my phone calls, email and thank you note...has CALLED me again!! I am listening to the voice mail right now..and I am so ambivalent about calling them back...I mean...they BLEW me off...and would I WANT to work for a company like this? And KNOWING that I am a second choice at this point? I can only think that they probably had a new hire that didn't work out and now they are coming back to me. It also makes me wonder... is the job really crappy? Maybe that's why it has a turnover... I am not sure what to do....gonna call hubby now and see what he says..I know he will say... TAKE THE JOB...what I am wondering is... is it going to be worthwhile to take the job? It sounds like they are desperate to get someone in there... it's still a part time seasonal job...just hope it's not all smoke and mirrors....

Will update later!!!

It's my birthday.....

So today is my 37th birthday... it sure doesn't feel like a birthday... Hubby had to work (and will likely have to work overtime), my parents are out of town on their 40th anniversary trip that I arranged, my in laws are in Atlanta babysitting my niece... I'm pretty much alone today, except for my precious baby boy! Who, by the way is now 8 1/2 months old and starting to CRAWL!! He scoots most of the time, but he is very proud to show me his crawling stance and he takes a few tentative "steps" so to speak..he also sits up independently now..he is sprouting his 3rd tooth (it's the first of the top 2) and to my dismay, is starting to wean himself from breastfeeding...he prefers getting his milk from the bottle instead of the breast, he hates to work for it!! So I have been pumping my milk and freezing it, and dear Hubby feeds him a 1/2 mommy milk, half formula bottle in the morning...the rest of the day is formula and his solids. My boy is growing so much! We finally brought him to an upper GI specialist to get him help for his reflux..he started Prevacid along with his Zantac, and he's greatly improved, although he still spits up some. He gained an entire lb in the first 13 days of being on the meds, so that is a positive indication that the meds are working. My baby boy is now 27.5 in and 18.06 lbs! He's starting to outgrow the 6-9 month clothes and going into the 12 month ones. :)

As far as the job hunt goes, it's been really slow. There is not much out there to apply to in my field, and those jobs I do apply to I never hear back from them- and there is no contact info to follow up on, so it's a black hole. I get about 1 or 2 calls every week from one recruiter or another that is looking to fill some job in my field that is either 1) out of state or 2) way above my experience level. I truly believe that recruiters are a complete waste of time and energy for the average job seeker. They are only looking to score a commission off their job order, not to help anyone but themselves. I have come to really dislike recruiters and I am very cynical every time I hear from one. There have been a couple that I have spoken with that were probably ok, but once they knew I didn't fit what they needed they moved on. There are a couple that keep calling me, and try to fit me in a much lower level position that I don't want, and when I return their calls, they don't even answer the phone, or call me back either. I truly believe that they are just looking for people to send on interviews to keep the client interested or else they will move on to another agency. It's all BS and nonsense and I have no patience for it anymore.

With that being said, I DO need a job, but I just think I am going to be out of work until the new year. That does dismay me- however, I believe that things should pick up by then and if we can hang on long enough, we will be ok. I do my part and NOT spend money at all unless it's an essential for the household or the baby- I have become pretty savvy with "couponing" and have managed to save up to 50% on my grocery bill most weeks. It's a lot of work- a part time job in itself- but it's worth my time. Plus, it's super satisfying to see the detail on your receipts that show how much you save. It's fun and addicting all at the same time!

So, it's my birthday and I do wonder if my "friends" will even bother to acknowledge my birthday today. A few of my FB friends and old HS classmates have done so already. I am still waiting to hear from my family, Shell, B&A (not likely, but curious to see if they say anything), Miss G (another not likely) and Scooter (my gay, bi-polar friend of 20 years that I hear from occasionally.)

So, I guess I will update later on if I have time...

That's it and that's all for now!

And they did it again...

So last nite I am checking out my FB page and I see an status message from one of my former co-workers at USA A-hole Company that said that there were more layoffs again. I am amazed that this place can continue to function without all the people. They laid off 52 ppl in January (which included yours truly) then in July I know they got rid of the HR contact that I was friendly with (not sure if there were others at that point.) then I heard of the 10 people that were let go yesterday, one of whom was a buyer. I also found out from this former co-worker that they let go another buyer only 2 weeks ago, and there is a rumor of yet one more getting the ax! All I have to say is that I feel a little bit better knowing this....not because I am happy about anyone losing their job, quite the contrary...it's more the confirmation that it was a totally non-personal decision to get rid of me when they did. I think that even if I had been kept on up until now, I'd still be in jeopardy of getting laid off, and if not, then I'd be SO overworked that I'd be a panic ridden mess. More and more I believe that it was God's plan to get me out of that place at that time. It gave me time to truly focus on my baby boy, and hopefully figure out what I need to do next. I am still uncertain where this path will lead me...but I will continue to have faith that God is guiding my hand in it.

Speaking of my little boy...he's 7 months old. He is sitting up pretty well now (with some help to get there) and is "army crawling" on the floor. I am also proud to announce that he is now sleeping in his crib at night, although he is still not sleeping through the night every night...I get up at least once to nurse him in the middle of the night...I think that he wakes up and realizes he is alone and gets upset..but hopefully the longer he stays in there the better things will be in the end. I wake up and check on him at least once a night aside from when he wakes himself up anyway. I have a little bit of anxiety with him away from me...for his entire life I have had him by my side. I feel like something is missing when he's not there...it's hard to explain if you have never had a baby. It's an adjustment for me as much as for him.

Anyway, that's the most recent update on former job and baby...

That's it and that's all!

A Day To Reflect- Never Forget

Today is 9/11/09, and 8 years ago today was the attack on our country that killed 3,000 citizens going about their day, not knowing that it would be their last. I remember that day and the following ones so vividly, it seems like it was only yesterday. I remember being on the phone with Shell that Tuesday morning during our daily morning call when she was commuting to work. At 8:46 am, I heard on my radio that there was a plane crash at the WTC tower 1... I remember saying..OMG how does a pilot do that by accident? My first thought was that the pilot was ill...maybe passed out or had a heart attack or something...then the 2nd plane hit and I knew that we had been attacked...it was such a sickening feeling... I remember Shell getting very upset... her hubby worked down in that area and couldn't get a hold of him for hours...My cousin worked on Wall Street and I feared for his safety as well... I was so relieved when he called us later that evening and let us know that he was ok...He had to walk over the bridge into Brooklyn and catch a train from there to get home to Long Island..it took hours he said. My hubby's cousin and then gf (now wife) had an apartment just a block or 2 away from there... their place was covered in soot and ash and the air quality was so terrible that they ended up leaving the place and moving out to CT nearer to her parents to get away from it. Despite all that, I feel fortunate that I didn't have a personal connection to a loss at that place. It could have been much much worse... I visited the site back in 2005. It was all cleaned up by then, but the surrounding buildings were still heavily damaged and had scaffolding and tarps on them. You weren't allowed to photograph any of them, they had cops there making sure that was not happening. Not really sure why, but they said it had something to do with security. It was never explained sufficiently.

So today I reflect on that terrible day and remember the victims of that attack, including the first responders of the NYPD and the Firefighters that gave their lives trying to save others. I pray for their souls, and I pray that something like this can never happen again.

God Bless America.

That's it and that's all....

The job hunt continues....

So it's the month of September- I have been out of work for 7 months now. My baby boy continues to grow and progress...he eats cereal and fruit, rolls and scoots on the floor, enjoys his exersaucer and jumperoo and his TV shows on Noggin. I have been looking for work and there has been NOTHING out there for me. This week was a good week- I found 2 jobs to apply to on Careerbuilder, but so far I have not heard a thing. At this point I am pessimistic about finding any kind of employment in 2009. I pray daily for a referral to a job. Despite a lot of networking, I have turned up very little. The job situation in FL continues to be bleak.

My spot of joy is my baby boy. He is literally the light of my life, and I don't think I'd get out of bed in the morning if it weren't for him. He keeps me going- mostly because baby care is all consuming, and the reward of his development is my incentive as well. He laughs all the time, he is learning new things all the time, like "clap hands". I taught him that in 2 days. He's a bright and observant little one. I look forward to seeing more of his discoveries about life. Maybe this is what I am supposed to be doing at this time- just being a Mom to him and caring for him. I have to keep faith that God has me in this situation for a reason, and I need to work through it. In God all things are possible, I truly believe that.

I don't have much more to say, but to keep your children close to you, enjoy them and have faith that all is how it is supposed to be.

That's it and that's all!

Supremely disappointed....

Well, I think I have my answer on that part time purchasing position.... they must have filled the job...because I just got the return receipt from the HR person that said "deleted- not read" so basically I was just given the virtual middle finger! What I cannot understand is WHY I couldn't get a response back from them at all? Is there no more professional courtesy out there? Is it that difficult to say..."Thank you for your interest, but the position has been filled."??

I am so angry about this right now, and I know I probably should just blow it off, but I SWEAR this keeps happening over and over again with these companies...I mean for Pete's sake they had me interview with them, so I had personal contact with these people- the correct thing would be to let me know the status of the position!!!

I can't believe that it was erased without even being read...that is the ultimate insult!!! I bet this lady reads all her emails in the preview pane... She had to have seen it and known... or maybe she just didn't recognize my email address and ust deleted it..but that would be DUMB considering that she had emailed me originally to give me the interview information. Any way you look at this, it is RUDE and UNPROFESSIONAL.

I pray to GOD that this economy picks up soon...employers need to be put on notice that a recession is not an excuse to treat workers so badly. They get away with it because there is such desperation to find and keep jobs that no one will do anything about this type of treatment.

I continue my fruitless search for gainful employment and keep praying for something to happen for me. I have to put my trust in God that all things happen for a reason and his plan will be revealed in time.

My rant is over for now... praying for a better day today.

That's it and that's all for now!!!

6 months already???

I can't believe that my baby boy turned 6 months old last week on the 6th...I have been too busy with him to post anything...he's very active and wants 100% of my attention at all times...he's so much like his father it's not even funny...

He's rolling over all over the place these days...and he is eating cereal and fruit, grabbing and picking up toys and today starting HITTING me...lol...out of nowhere while he was nursing today, his left arm just started hitting my boob as he was eating...I was like..what the hell is this??? LOL...I guess he's learning how to use his appendages. He tries to get up on his knees now..and he sleeps on his belly. It's amazing how he likes to be on his tummy now, a couple of months ago he hated it and I had to force tummy time on him. Go figure... babies are amazing. That's all I can say about that.

Well, it's been over a month since I interviewed for that part time job, and I haven't heard a peep back from them at all! I did everything that you are supposed to do for follow up: I sent a thank you note the next day after the interview (sent on 7/8), I sent an email following up on some information that the guy wanted (sent on 7/10) and left a voice mail message on his phone ( on 7/31.) I marked the email return receipt, and I never got the receipt back, so I am assuming that it was deleted without being read. Today I decided to contact the HR person at that company to see if I could get some sort of response, I emailed her with a return receipt and so far nothing. I don't understand what happened here...the day I interviewed, the guy acted like he was ready to hire me on the spot..and made it sound like I would be hearing from them as soon as he returned from the 3 week long business trip to China. I had SUCH a good feeling about this job and I am so confused why I can't even get an update from them on the status of the position. If they hired someone, couldn't they at least give me the courtesy of a response to my inquiry? It makes no sense, and it makes an even worse impression. It makes me think twice about this company... if they treat you this way as an applicant, how to they treat the employees?

I guess I should adopt the attitude that if it was the right thing for me, it would have come through...but I at least would appreciate some feedback from them as to why I wasn't the right fit for them so I can fine tune my presentation at my next interview. That would be professional courtesy.

So, here goes again...I continue to look and pray that the right thing is there for me that I seek...

Keep your fingers crossed! That's it and that's all for now!!

Need to rant a bit....

I think I have mentioned my MIL before...I refer to her as "Annoying Grandma" because she has been SO irritating to me in regards to my son. She continues to push my buttons as the days and weeks go by- and I am getting to the point where I may say or do something I may regret...so I am venting here...

This woman is the biggest, pushiest, most annoying person I have ever known. Nothing I say or do regarding the baby is ok with her...she calls all of my parenting decisions into question....I am at the end of my rope here..ready to strangle her with it if she doesn't stop the incessant smothering.

She hates that I am nursing...she thinks I am "starving" the baby and he's not eating enough if it's only breast milk- I now supplement with formula, but she thinks he should be eating a lot more solid food ("I was feeding my kids at 3 months old with solid foods and they turned out ok!") I started the baby on rice cereal, and she questioned that... "Rice is so constipating, why don't you give him applesauce?" I tell her NO the Dr recommends no fruits until 7 months. "But applesauce shouldn't be a problem!" Again, NO he needs to get used to 1 type of food at a time, and no fruits yet.

She harps on the fact that the baby has reflux and spits up alot- She calls several times a week to ask if he's still spitting up...when I tell her yes, she will say something like..."Oh, intestinal troubles run in your family don't they? You have a lot of stomach issues...." GOD IN HEAVEN... my stomach issues were always due to nerves...since adulthood I have realized that all of those "stomach aches" etc were due to anxiety and stress. This woman creates a lot of stress and anxiety for me. I truly detest her.

She harps on weight all the time. As if I don't have enough of that from my OWN mother, I need it from this woman too? "Your husband is getting fat, you need to make him exercise." All the while looking at ME up and down because I have put on weight that I haven't been able to take off yet since the pregnancy began. She is unreasonable about weight.... my SIL (Hubby's sister) has a little girl that my MIL believes is too fat...the child is 1 1/2 yrs old and within a normal percentile according to the pediatrician. She bases this misguided assumption of "fatness" on the fact that the child has a little pot belly...she is a BABY...for crying out loud!!! After her repeating this over a few times, I finally said to her..."If the Dr isn't worried about her weight, then you should leave it alone! And by the way, if you ever decide to pick on my son this way I will NOT ALLOW it and it will NOT be tolerated!" This woman is the devil I swear!!

I know this is most likely an irrational rant to most anyone who reads it, but know this: all the content is real...this woman tortures me on a daily basis and she does it when she knows that my husband isn't home so she can get away with it. I can't avoid the phone calls, because if I don't answer, she will hang up and keep calling back until I answer..and if I don't answer the house phone, she will call my cell phone. I detest this woman.

Now she has it in her head that we need to eat dinner with her EVERY Sunday...I want to just curl up in a fetal ball and disappear! Hubby and I need alone time to be a family with our son...I am sick and tired of being bullied! A simple visit isn't enough for her...now we have to be up her ass for an entire day and I am SOOOOOOOO dreading it!!!

Ok that's it for my rant... I needed to get this off my chest....

No one is reading this blog anyway, so this was purely indulgent on my part...

That's it and that's all!

Need to get some things off my chest...

I don't normally post more than once in a day...or even in a week, but I feel compelled to do it because I have nowhere else to vent.....

My topic of choice today is family and "friends"...

1) FAMILY- Mine is not always the easiest to deal with- they are dysfunctional, difficult and dynamic. I have a hard relationship with my mother, my mother in law and my sister in law. My mother in law (MIL) is extremely pushy - the classic Jewish mother. She puts her 2 cents in on every topic imaginable and annoys me to the point that I wish that she would just disappear into the cosmos never to be seen again. The other day, she said that I should "stop starving the baby and start feeding him real food already." This is because she does not support my breastfeeding my son. She seems threatened by that for some odd reason. The woman is making me hate being married to my husband, because I have to deal with her! She makes me miserable, bottom line. This post would be 2 miles long if I detailed everything she has done to make me miserable since I had my son. So in the interest of length, I will leave it at that. Now on to my Mom. She's pushy too- a classic Italian mom... and she makes me insane also. She doesn't drive, but has taken me on more guilt trips than any Jewish mother could inflict on a child. She has mental issues (anxiety, depression, claustrophobia and social anxiety) that she has never sought help for and never intends to. Thus, she tortures her family as a result. It's always been hard for me to deal with her..she has been hypercritical of me from birth, I often think that she harbors resentment towards me for being born. I always say that she hates me, and I think there is some truth to it, even though she would never admit to it. And finally, my sister in law. The one in question is the one married to my brother, not my husband's sister (that one is another issue- she's just plain bizarre, but harmless.) This SIL is quite a piece of work. She has issues with attention..she MUST have 100% attention of everyone in the room or she is miserable. She likes to make mountains out of molehills and create drama where there isn't any. Case in point: Last nite we all went out to a Chinese buffet (not my choice, I would have rather stayed at home.)
Hubby was taking pics of all the grandkids, as we were all together in one place and that doesn't often happen. Now, let me preface this by saying that I know that Hubby's comment was dumb, but he was not being malicious about it- this was the comment... as he showed a pic of my sister's 2 kids with my baby to my mom, he said, "Look, here's a picture of your 3 favorite grandchildren!" He said it in a joking way, and meant it to be a joke, he didn't mean that literally. My SIL apparently was really bothered by it, because this morning she posted a cryptic status message on Facebook something to the effect "I wish people would think before they speak, I'd like to put my foot in their mouth!" I of course was puzzled about it, but called my Mom today to ask if she knew if SIL was on the rampage about something...and she said that she bets it was my Hubby's remark. Lovely. Now I have to deal with the drama that will ensue from this. Because SIL posted that status message, she is prompting people to ask what's wrong, and then she will continue her passive aggressive assault on me and Hubby and play the victim. Oh Boo Hoo...her children not being labeled favorites (which I can assure anyone reading this that her girls ARE favorites of my Mom's, especially since they live next door- Mom always denies the favoritism, but it's obvious.) She is looking for MORE attention..it's ALWAYS about HER. ALWAYS.

2) "FRIENDS"- I put the word in quotes because in my life, I do not have many real friends. In fact, people that I thought were my friends later showed themselves not to be friends at all. I can count 1 person as a true friend, and she lives an hour away from me and I don't get to see her much. My other "friend" Shell, has recently proved that she is not my friend after all....I have known her for 20 years, but there was always a conditional friendship there...I'll be your friend IF there is nothing else going on that I deem more important. I am disappointed in her...I really believed that she grew out of the immature "blowing off" of friends. I guess people never change. I am still annoyed about B and being blown off for my baby shower...she never called me when the baby was born, and never sent a gift either. Very rude .

I guess I am rambling now. I don't enjoy this kind of aggravation..I'm glad that I got that off my chest. :)

That's it and that's all!

More updates....

Just a little update.... I had an interview on 7/7/09 (which is the same day as the MJ Memorial btw) at a manufacturing company for a part-time position in purchasing. I was pleasantly surprised with the details of the position. First of all, they were very happy that I have a little baby....they actually started the interview with: "So you have an infant? How old?" Apparently they must have googled me and found my FB or Myspace profile, because those have a pic of myself with the baby (the pic shows even though the profiles are private)... the second question was "What is your benefit situation?" and I told them that I was covered under my hubby. After that, it just continued to get more intriguing. As it turns out, the job will be 20-25 hrs per week during the slow times, and 30-35 in season... it pays $20-$24 per hour! I was so shocked! I expected $10-$15 per hour! So I am definitely interested in this job...we can get by if I can make $20 hr part time. The company really wants someone who is truly interested in part time work, thus the emphasis on my having a baby...they know that I truly don't want to work full time when he is little. They know that a lot of ppl will apply for the job hoping to get it and keep looking, and they don't want that....so I have a bit of an edge in my particular situation. Their only concern is that I don't know the MRP program, but as I told them, you can teach someone a program, you can't teach experience in purchasing. Someone who has a lot of experience will have a proclivity to learn new programs. I think that was a pretty good answer to their concern. I was given a tour of the warehouse and the area that the products are made and I think they are pretty interested in me. So for now I wait...apparently the boss had a planned trip to China for business (to arrange to buy more components) and would not be back for 3 weeks. I wrote a thank you card and sent it the very next day thanking him for his time and expressing my interest in the position...I also followed up with an email restating that information, as well as letting him know that the pay they offer will work with the family budget (he had asked me to get back to him on that info.) At the time that I am writing this, he still has not opened the email (I marked it return receipt) but he may not have his computer with him on the trip....I am hoping that he still has me in mind when he returns from the trip....I know that they planned on interviewing a few more people after me.

Keeping my fingers crossed!
That's it and that's all for now....

Another Interview!

Well, after weeks and weeks of constant applications, I finally got called for another interview! It's for a part-time, seasonal position in my field, which is part-time from Aprl to September, and full time from October to March. I'm not sure what the pay is for this job, but it's 25 hrs per week during the off season and around 40 hrs in peak season. As long as it is on the up and up, then it may be a workable solution for me. I can still have quality time with my baby boy, and still bring in some money. As long as it isn't a really low paying job, it will work. If it nets out to the same as or less than unemployment, then I may pass on it. I need more than $250 per week....I was making about $700 per week in my other job, so I can't really afford to make less than $450-$500 at this point in order to keep our bills afloat. I will have to wait and see how this pans out..the interview is on Tues 7/7 at 2 pm. I will post more about it after it happens.

That's it and that's all for now!

A Tribute to Michael Jackson

I am writing this one day after the passing of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. I was among the millions of shocked fans to learn of his sudden death from cardiac arrest yesterday and am still in shock. It's surreal to see one of the icons of your generation to be taken so suddenly. I am dedicating this particular post to him, as I was a fan of his in my younger years, and an admirer in my older years.

I am likening this event to the passing of other musical greats: Elvis for the children of the 50's , John Lennon for the children of the 60's and Curt Cobain for the children of the 90's. I am a child of the 80's and Michael Jackson defined the landscape of popular culture of music, dance and fashion as well as revolutionized the visual medium of music videos in the infancy of MTV. I am of the MTV generation- and to us, Michael Jackson WAS the King of Pop.

I remember wanting the Thriller album so badly that year it came out...I was in 6th grade, and when I received that album for Christmas that year, I was over the moon. I learned every song- I learned every dance routine. I wanted to be "like Mike". Many of the children I knew felt the same way, we admired him, we looked up to him, and we emulated him. I danced to "Billie Jean" in the year end talent show in 6th grade, and although I didn't win, I was ecstatic to get a chance to perform to his music. I may have been a ballet/jazz dancer at the time, but his music transcended dance styles...you could dance any style to his songs and make it look cool.

Unfortunately I never got the opportunity to see him perform live in person, I was too young to see a concert (my parents' rules ) and I lament the loss of that opportunity as it has been lost forever now that I am old enough to do whatever I want to do! However, I witnessed every live TV event he was on, and enjoyed the performances. The Motown 25th Anniversary Special sticks out in my mind, as that was the first time we witnessed him doing the moonwalk. The Grammys for that year also come to mind, as he won 6 awards- an unbelievable feat for any solo artist. He was the best performer that ever lived, and I always believed that.

I have decided to remember Michael Jackson for all the great music and dancing that he left behind. I choose not to dwell on the particular eccentricities of his personal life that the tabloids and gossip columnists fed on. To me, Michael Jackson was larger than life, he was talented and he was a genius in music. His legacy is large in scope and is here for all of us to enjoy forever. His spirit will live on in his music and in that way he is immortal.

God rest his soul and condolences to his family, especially his 3 children.

God Bless!
That's it and that's all I have to say about that....

The Job Hunt Continues....

So I have officially been out of work for a couple of months (my last paycheck was on April 5th) but I haven't actually worked since February 5th. It's starting to wear me down being out of work... last year I found a job within 3 months.... at this point I am looking at a much longer unemployment. I wish that I didn't need to find a job, I'd rather just be a stay at home mom, but we can't live on my husband's salary alone. Plus, I'd like to be contributing to the household budget...baby stuff is expensive...the diapers and wipes alone are a fortune, and my little angel is now starting to supplement with formula as my breast milk supply is starting to slow down and he needs the extra calories.

I have been searching every day on the internet, and ATTEMPTING to network with anyone that could help me. So far my networking attempts have been pretty unhelpful. I have reached out to former colleagues and some acquaintances that I have met in the business world and I have been rebuffed. It's as if I have fallen off the face of the earth and I have become invisible and irrelevant.

I have had only 1 interview since I have started this job search 2 months ago...I thought it went well...however, I came to find out 3 weeks later that the job had been filled. The stupid agency that sent me on the interview couldn't be bothered to return my calls about that job, so I had to contact the company directly and that's how I found out. I guess since they weren't going to get a commission for placing me I had no use for them. It's pretty pathetic in my opinion. The courteous thing would have been to call me back when I asked about the status of the job. It was on the internet for weeks after it was filled, so I was surprised to find out it had been filled. Whatever...it's another example of how the unemployed gets screwed with by potential employers like staffing agencies. I swear they cherry pick all the applicants to fill their job orders and can't be bothered with anyone else.

As far as motherhood goes, I do enjoy my son. He's my pride and joy and I adore him. He's 4 months old now, and he's started to roll over on his own, he grabs at toys, and he has found his feet..he likes to try to bite them, and in fact has pulled his socks off in the process. He's now sleeping through the nite most of the time, and I am ALMOST ready to let him sleep in his crib in his bedroom, he is currently still sleeping in his carseat/stroller next to my bed at nite. I wake up several times to check on him to make sure he is ok. I am neurotic and I know it. I don't know any other way to be.

Well, that's it and that's all for now...I need some good luck to come to me so I can stop worrying so much...

TTFN

Getting discouraged

I have been out of work since my dear little boy was born- I have been looking everyday on the computer, put out feelers with everyone I could think of to network with, but no luck so far. I had 1 interview with a company over a week ago, and have not heard anything back yet. I know that they were going to do a round of 2nd interviews calling back 3-5 of the applicants before making a decision...so far I have not heard a thing. I'm not having a good feeling about this job. :(

On the baby front, my precious boy is getting big! He's very vocal now, he's discovered his hands and is grabbing anything that he can. I love him so much it's unbelievable. He's the light of my life, even though taking care of him is the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. I really wish that I could afford to stay home with him. I get the guilt trip every day from hubby that I need a job soon or else we won't be able to make the bills. I totally understand that, but on the other hand, you can't get back these early weeks and months in your baby's life and if I had been working this whole time, I'd have missed the milestones...like the first smile, the first giggle- he's now attempting to roll over...he gets halfway on his side and can't get all the way over yet. These are all things that I would be missing if I were working.

I wish that I could come into some money- enough to afford me the opportunity to stay at home with baby boy and continue to look for a job that works with his schedule. I play the lottery every week- I'm not greedy though, I don't need to be a multimillionaire- I just need us to be able to pay the bills, and maybe help out my parents a bit, that's all! I pray for a good financial outcome for us, and soon. We need the help desperately.

I guess I just needed to vent- I feel pretty isolated since I had the baby. I've been pretty much abandoned by my best friend (Shell), my former good friends (B&A) and Miss G have disappeared off the map, I look the worst I have ever looked in my life as well. I can't seem to get the motivation to exercise anymore, not even to dance, even though I miss it terribly. I think I may be depressed. :( I don't know what to do, because I feel like I have no one to turn to...not even my own parents can help me, as they are in a worse situation than I am. They are unable to see past their own hurdles to notice that I am suffering. I hope that this passes soon. I need some good luck to come into my life and that will be enough to get me out of the slump. Thank God I have my baby boy. He is the most precious thing to me. I focus on him and not the bad stuff.

That's it and that's all for now...

12 weeks old today!

My little angel is 12 weeks old today...I can't believe that on May 6th it will be officially 3 months ago that I gave birth to him...it seems like just yesterday.

He's growing by leaps and bounds...he was almost 12 lbs and 23.5 in at his last Dr's appt- he has way surpassed that by now, as he is growing out of his 3 month sized sleepers and is in 6 month size because he is so long. He is developing a personality now- he is fairly demanding- he wants what he wants when he wants it, but he is also very sweet and smiles and coos a lot. He is grabbing onto things now- he especially likes to pull off his bibs and puts them in his mouth. He likes to grab Mommy's necklace and the burpcloth off her shoulder as well. As my Mom likes to say, "This kid is going to be something else! You better be prepared!" She is of the opinion that he is going to be really high energy and that I am going to have my hands full with him. I am ok with it, as long as he is healthy and happy that is all that really matters to me. I love him with every fiber of my being and could not imagine life without him. Now, if only I can get him to sleep in the crib instead of the car seat, I'll be set!! He has occasionally slept 5-7 hrs at nite, but it's not consistent. I get up with him at least once per nite to nurse him, and often it's twice (it was twice last nite.) He fights his sleep in the evening and at nap time so I have to rock him and bounce him around to get him to go to sleep. It's a work in progress...I am trying my hardest to do everything right, but I am sure that I have made mistakes. Oh well! I'm new at this- it's to be expected!

My first Mother's Day is coming up....I can't believe that I finally get to be honored on this day...I hope that Hubby remembers to do something for me. I would love a piece of jewelry to comemmorate this day, but I know it's not financially possible. I am still out of work, and although I have been searching intently (as much as I can with a newborn.) I have had no bites on my resume as of yet. I have been networking as much as possible to get job leads. So far nothing.. I pray that we can stay financially afloat and not get behind on our bills. I pray for a financial windfall like the lotto- that would help not only my household, but my parents' as well. They are in a bad way right now- they are facing foreclosure on their home and I can't do anything to help them. It's all very stressful. I pray daily- that's about all I can do.

And on that note, I will close this post. I am happy with my baby, enjoying staying home with him as long as I am able to, and pray for better economic times for all of us.

That's it and that's all!!

One month old today!!

Today my baby boy is 1 month old... it has been quite an experience so far...I am sleep deprived, I feel like a milk cow...but I am so overjoyed and in love with this little baby. He is the sweetest thing in the world and I couldn't imagine life without him. I am still worried about being unemployed, but I am trying not to focus on the worry and trying to focus my energy on this baby and being a mother.

I still pray every day that something good will happen for me jobwise and moneywise. My biggest wish is to be able to afford to be a stay at home mother. I feel that it's so important to be here for him and to experience all his first moments and not leave him to a caregiver, even though his caregiver will be my own mother. I am fiercely protective of him and don't want to leave him with anyone, not even family members. I have to have him by my side at all times. He's just too little to leave me, especially since I nurse every 2 hours. I adore this baby- he is my world.

Anyway, I just wanted to jump on here to mention his 1 month birthday- and try to do a post every month and every milestone as much as I can.

That's it and that's all.... ;)

Adjusting to Motherhood

The baby is 2 weeks old today- and I have to say, he is the most precious thing in the world to me, I love him unconditionally and with no reservations. However, I am really really worn out. Round the clock feedings every 3 hours (I am breast feeding) and the intermittent crying jags have me totally sleep deprived. Hubby was home with me this week to help out, but he goes back to work on Monday and then I am totally alone with the baby and I am really nervous about it. I am always fearful that something will happen when I am alone in the house and I am not even able to drive yet b.c of the healing from the C section. On top of that, I am also nervous about taking him out by myself once I am cleared to drive again. I have a lot of fears and it's really bad b/c even though I have always been on the nervous side, it seems to have intensified now that I have the baby. I waited 10 years to have this baby, and now I don't want to take any chances that he will be hurt or even uncomfortable in any way. I know it's irrational, but I don't know how to stop. Maybe this is the post partum depression that I have heard about... I do get a little weepy at times, but I attribute that to the hormones.

Another issue I am having is with my in laws. My mother in law in particular. I can't stand her anymore. She is way too pushy and is encroaching on my personal space in my own house. Yesterday, my in laws just showed up without any notice and I just about flipped out. I deserve at least the courtesy of a phone call. To make it worse, they just WALK in to my house without knocking first. I breast feed the baby in the living room when there is no one in the house and I also pump there because there is a TV to watch while I do it. If I can't feel secure in my own house that I won't have to be embarrassed, then where can I possibly be? I gave Hubby an ultimatum- he has to put his foot down about them calling before they just drop in or else I will have their names removed from the guest list at the front gate and I will have the locks changed on the house. I am totally serious about it. I don't think I should have to worry about my modesty in my own house, it's not fair for me to have to worry that someone will walk in on me with my boob hanging out. Breastfeeding is a personal decision for me and I am self conscious enough as it is that my boobs are freakoshly huge right now- I do not want an audience staring at them on top of it all.

So that's my angst for the day- I am still working on the birth announcements (another thing that the in laws are annoying me to get out in the mail- as if I have had NOTHING at all to do but work on that for the past 2 weeks!) hopefully those will be completed this weekend and go out in the mail by Monday.

That's it and that's all for now....

I'm a Mommy now!

On Feb 6, 2009 at 7:56 am, I became a Mommy for the first time..my son was born via C Section and it has redefined my world as I know it. I never realized how in love I would be with this baby until I finally saw him. He was 7 lbs, 14 oz and 20.5 in long. He's absolutely precious and I could never imagine there being a time when he wasn't with me.

He had a little bit of a rough start, he was in the NICU for the first 30 hrs because he had fluid in his lungs and had to be suctioned, then he developed jaundice on Day 3 and had to be blood tested every day until Day 7 when it was determined that it was clearing up. Now he is home and doing pretty well I think. I am breast feeding, pumping and using some formula as well. It's working out so far. I am still trying to adjust to the every 3 hour feeding schedule around the clock, and going without sleep in order to do it. I try to snatch a nap whenever I can- I should have been sleeping all this time this morning when the baby was sleeping but I really wanted to get online and post and check email too- I literally have had no time to do that. It's amazing how much work one little person can be. I think we do 5 small loads of laundry per day just of his clothing, bedding, etc. He almost always throws up or pees on something right after we dress him in it, or put him on it in the case of the bassinet sheets. My hubby is at wits end with the laundry... I told him, this is what parenthood is like...just roll with it. He's having a hard time adjusting..I hope he gets better with it soon, because I need his support as much as possible.

So, I guess I will sign off now...I will TRY to get on here with updates as my little one develops. He really IS the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.... :)

That's it and that's all...
:)

37 weeks!

Well...it's almost to the end....I am 37 weeks tomorrow- I am definitely having the baby by C section on Feb 6th- 2 weeks from today. I am excited, nervous and scared. I hate the idea of surgety...but I am happy NOT to have to endure labor. I keep hearing how much worse that is. I'll take the easier route, thank you very much.

As a result of this development, I will have my last day at work on Feb 5th- and then I am done with that place for good. Of course, I will be unemployed, but there is a measure of relief to know that I won't have to endure that place and the stress it causes once the baby is here. I will get a chance to really bond being home with him indefinitely. I'll collect unemployment and continue to look for a job...

So that's it and that's all for now.....will blog more later...

:)

Baby Shower!

Today is my baby shower.... I am a little excited about it... the whole job layoff thing has put a little damper on things, but it will be a nice afternoon, so I am trying to concentrate on it. I wanted to make note of the fact that B- the same B that is supposed to be my friend- totally ignored the invitation to the baby shower and never RSVP'd- despite telling me from the beginning that "I want to be invited to your baby shower, I want to come in for it." Well, I invited her, and she basically avoided me completely for the past month. I even sent her a personal invitation to stay at my house so she wouldn't need a hotel- I never got a response. I sent a Christmas Card, and a Happy New Year text message, but those were ignored as well. Yesterday, I get a call on my cell from her and I didn't pick up b/c I am pretty pissed off- I mean, come ON...how HARD would it have been to respond to the invitation and say..." I am so sorry, I wish I could come, but I have work." or whatever excuse- any excuse would have been better than the avoidance. I think she just doesn't want to give a gift. Whatever- if she said, "I can't afford to come." I would have understood that as well. The entire thing really didn't sit well with me. Her voice mail on my cell was like "I'm sorry to RSVP so late, but obviously I can't come to the shower, I would like to come visit after the baby is born. Talk to you soon." WHATEVER. She wasn't supposed to RSVP to me, first of all...it was supposed to be my mom or my mother in law, they were the ones listed on the invite as the contact for RSVP anyway. Second of all...why even bother to call the DAY before the shower? It's OBVIOUS that you had no intention of going to the shower- most ppl responded within 2 weeks after it was sent out. It didn't sit well with me...and still doesn't. I'm not going to let it ruin my day. All it did was further open up my eyes to the fact that yet another "friend" really IS NOT a friend at all. Friends don't do things like this. Another so called "friend" Miss G I'll call her- never responded to the invitation at ALL. I did this girl SOOOOO many favors over the years. And the least she could do is respond to an invitation. Basically, I am writing her off as well. She'll never hear from me again. If she can't be a friend to me now, then she isn't my friend. She's someone who uses you for what you can do for her and then never comes through for you when you need her. So adios to Miss G. She can find someone else to rip off original choreo from now. She can kiss my ass!

Angst aside... the people that count are coming to the event. I don't have too many of my friends there, as my mom kept lamenting- you don't have ANYONE to invite? Not even from work?? To which I reponded- no I don't feel comfortable inviting ANYONE from that place. And it's a good thing too- look what ended up happening! I am being laid off anyway and I won't have any contact with any of those people after my little boy is born. Besides, I feel really strongly that my pics of the event do not contain random people that I have no connection to on a long term basis. That's just my feeling on this. I think it's a pretty sound theory. I'll look at these pics years from now and go...who the heck is that??? It just makes good sense to me.

Now for a baby update:

I had my 35 week ultrasound yesterday- my baby is 6 lbs! My placenta is still previa, meaning it's still low, even though it DID move up a lot since last ultrasound- but it's not likely to really move out of the way of the cervix enough that I can deliver naturally. My doc doesn't want me to go into labor and have contractions b/c it could cause bleeding, and it is PROFUSE bleeding when that happens...and that would mean an emergency C section with the possibility of fetal distress. So I left off with her yesterday that we are likely going to schedule me for a C section at 37 or 38 weeks- that is only 2 -3 weeks away! She is going to consult with a perinatologist and let me know Monday what his opinion is regarding the timing of the section, and if he feels it's necessary for me to take an amnio to determine the fetal lung maturity prior to the C section. I am supposed to hear from her on Monday about that news.
I am a little hesitant about the C section part, because it IS still a major surgery- however, I think I am MORE afraid of natural childbirth and the actual labor process...being in pain for 24 hrs etc.

As far as how this will affect my seperation agreement with work, I am not sure. I will have to wait until I know a date to be scheduled before I can figure out what they will do. The way they had it set up, I would not really be returning to work after the baby- I would go out on leave and never come back- with him coming a few weeks early, it leaves a gap- and I am wondering if they would seriously make me go back for a week or 2 weeks and then leave. I'd rather not go back there after he is born. I already have it in my head that I don't want to see that place ever again after I leave. Once I am gone, I am gone for good.

I will have to wait and see how that goes, and of course, I will be updating on here...

That's it and that's all!

35 Weeks and on the job hunt again

I got the bad news yesterday.....I am losing my job AGAIN....getting laid off for the 2nd time in just under a year. I am still in shock. I am being kept on until I go out for maternity leave- they will pay me for the 6 weeks, then after that I get a big 2 weeks severance pay. I already contacted a labor lawyer and basically I can't pursue any legal action b/c they have covered their bases. They are "eliminating" my position, and b/c it's being eliminated, they don't have to guarantee me a job to come back to after the baby, not to mention, I didn't even get an entire year of service in, my anniversary date is April 21st. So I didn't even stand a chance.

Looking back on the past few months, I don't know if there were any obvious signs. I think that once I got the Dr's note that limited my hours of work to only 40 hrs per week, I think that got them thinking that I would not be able to continue working 50 + hours a week once the baby was born. Realistically, I kept thinking this myself- how the hell was I going to be able to do that job with a newborn? Working at least 7 am to 5 pm (with some days required to stay until 6 pm) and trying to nurse the baby was going to be next to impossible. I wondered how I was going to be able to pump during the day also. I doubt that they would have been accomodating to allow me the access to a private area (not a bathroom) to pump. I think they just didn't want to deal with the potential sick days I'd have to take if the baby was sick, and the leaving early to take him to the Dr's, etc. I think they they started planning this as soon as they saw that I was pregnant. Of course, it is impossible to prove that this was the reason. But in the depths of my soul I KNOW that is what happened. They refused to give me any kind of performance evaluation, I should have had some sort of merit raise after 6 months... I never was made eligible for the bonuses, despite the fact that I took over a higher level position that should have been entitled to it. I knew that this was not the best company, but I was happy that I was employed, and now I am in a spot where I won't have a 3 month severance to carry me like last year. I don't know what I am going to do....but I must reinvent myself again. Perhaps this is the time now that I should completely switch gears and go into a different field altogether. Something medical- they always need people in medical. It's a serious consideration, I don't want to fall victim to another corporation that will lay you off with no concern at all.

Despite the shock, I don't really have any roots at the place. I never made any close friends there. I was always wary of people's intentions and their allegiances. It's just as well. I guess you could say that I can move on easier because I am less emotionally invested in the place. The layoff is not due to performance, but to lost business, etc. Even with the lost business, they gained more big business in it's place, so I really think it's an excuse to get rid of the preggo..but whatever.


I will have to start over, and rise from the ashes like the proverbial phoenix once again.

That's it and that's all....