More news?

I guess this has been a week for news. 2 things- 1) The more exciting of the 2- I am getting a bonus from work! My boss had to go to bat for me to get them to give it- but I am pleasantly surprised to know I'll be getting it this week! 2) This is another interesting development- Shell called me last night. She pretty much told me that she is breaking it off with that guy. She is sick and tired of the situation. As she put it. "I woke up from my mid-life crisis and went back to being responsible again." Hmm.. interesting. Although I called it- I knew this would eventually end between them, I am not taking this as the complete truth. My take is this- she gave him an ultimatum, he couldn't (or won't) commit, and she said, heck with it. The thing is, she said she still wants to be with him one more time before she breaks it off. ?? Ok, so I asked her if she was planning to tell him in person, and she said, no, I just want to "be with him" one more time. See what I mean? She's still not thinking clearly. I think she's trying to find a way to keep it going, but give the appearance that she's fed up. That's why I am not 100% convinced that she is done with him. I am sure there is even more to the story that she told me. The entire truth will come out in small chunks until I get the entire picture. I knew some of what she admitted to me last night because one of our mutual friends told me some of it almost 2 years ago. She has been holding out on telling me facts and details. It's pretty much status quo with her anyway. So that's the update for now... I am sure I will have more to tell in the coming days... That's it and that's all!

A Short Entry

Guess who called me out of the blue this morning? Yep, my old buddy A. It was kinda strange to hear from him again. I don't think I have spoken to him since last September. He started off the conversation with , "Hello, Beautiful." My sarcastic mind immediately suspects that something is up. He basically wanted to see how things were going, how is the little guy, how's hubby, etc. I told him about hubby's heart thing. He said he had no idea. I guess he never sees my FB updates, b/c it was clearly on there when this all went down. He ended the conversation with , "I just came across your name and was thinking about you. You never call me!" I told him he could FB anytime. I don't want to encourage him. Anyway, I thought I'd document that particular exchange in my little journal.. ;) That's it and that's all....

It's been a while!

Well, I guess I have been bad about updating this online blog- in my defense, there has been a lot of stuff going on, and I never seem to have a few minutes alone to update it. So here's the update of sorts: Bad Friend Update It's pretty much the same crap over and over again with Shell. I never ended up seeing her for her kid's bday, nor did she bother to plan a Sweet 16 for her (as far as I know, there could have been a huge party that I wasn't invited to.) Things continue to be strained between us, despite the many olive branches I extend and the many 2nd chances I give her. She finally admitted to me that she is still seeing that married guy she knew from high school, and has been seeing him for 2 years. He won't leave his wife because of the kids, and she is still married to the other winner that refuses to give her a divorce. It's an impossible situation that cannot be resolved without letting go of the boyfriend. She refuses to do that, so she must be ok with being 2nd fiddle in this guy's life. She never has been able to find a man that treats her with respect because she doesn't respect herself enough to know better than to stay involved with this guy. She calls him her "soul mate." She's clearly delusional- she can't see that he's getting the better end of the deal; he gets the wife and family, and the whore on the side that he gives expensive gifts to. She's little more than a prostitute, at his beck and call whenever he wants her. She jumps on a plane at a moment's notice to go see him (at least once a month) and yet she still cries poverty. Obviously he's paying her airfare and expenses. It's really sad. She knows that I don't approve of this relationship, and that I can see it for what it really is, but she doesn't want to hear it from me, so she avoids me. She also told me that she is planning to move to NY when her daughter graduates in 2 years. I'm sure she is hoping this guy will finally commit to her once she is in town full time. She's too blind to see that he won't keep her anymore once she becomes too accessible- he can't risk the wife finding out. My prediction is that he will break it off by the time she moves there. Time will tell if I am correct on that. Hubby's Health This past month has been really stressful. My dear hubby developed an enlarged heart- he had to have an angiogram (which showed no blockages, thank God) and is now on 8 different meds to control his condition. He was out of work for 3 weeks and just recently went back. Fortunately, it appears that this was caused by an errant virus that settled in his heart, causing the condition to occur. None of the tests could confirm that, however, but the Dr's have stated that they believe that is the case. After it's all said and done, he has an excellent prognosis and the Dr. expects a full recovery. Thank God! He has another cardiologist appt in about a week for a follow up exam. My Little Boy My boy turned 2 in February. He's a big boy 60th% weight and 90th% height- still a very picky eater. Most days he eats very little food, but loves drinking his milk. I go through almost 3 gallons a week! I changed him from whole milk to 2%, but he's still drinking up a storm. I tried 1% for a few days to see if he'd eat more, but he ended up drinking a gallon in 1 day!! So I have my work cut out for me...lol! Job Well, the job front has become more complicated. The owner decided to move the plant from FL to IN. All of the warehouse, production, and shipping personnel will be laid off in April or May. Supposedly my job will be ok, because they are keeping the corporate offices local. I am no dummy, I don't believe that for a minute. I think they will eventually close this office once they settle everything up north. I have my resume out and am open for opportunities. I want to be in control of my next opportunity, not be in a desperate position. I hope to God I find a job that I like as much as this one. Btw- Papparazzi left about a month ago- she found another job right away. I don't miss her, and wasn't at all sad to see her go. The drama level has gone down a few notches with her gone. Well, that's the update for now- I'll try to be better about getting on here more often. That's it and that's all....

Do I or don't I?

So today marks Shell's daughter's Sweet 16 birthday... of course, I should have expected that I would get a phone call today. Highly ironic that on HER daughter's birthday, she would take the time to finally call me back, isn't it?

This all came about because I put a Happy Birthday FB posting to the kid on her page. Shell also had a status stating that her daughter was turning 16 today.She used one of my wedding pics of her daughter (she was my flower girl) and cropped me out of the pic. Basically my comment was that I liked the original pic better with me in it. It kind of aggravated me that she cropped me out. She has SO many pics of all her friends on her page, but none of me and my son...but everyone else gets face time. I know, it's petty, but it still bothered me. To me, it seemed like yet another example of how unimportant I am in her life.

At any rate, this precipitated the obligatory phone call this morning inviting me to the "last minute" birthday bbq. She also made sure to mention that there was a Sweet 16 party in the works, but of course was not yet planned. Whatever. She has known about this for ages, why would she not plan this party ahead of time? WTF? Her very eloquent verbal invite also included the phrase "I understand if you don't want to come." Gee, you think? Do I really want to come to this little last minute soiree for your child? KNOWING that I was a last minute invite? Really? AND bring some sort of present too? No thanks, I'd rather have my wisdom teeth yanked from my head than attend this so called party. If she couldn't come to my boy's 1st party, then there's no way in hell would I have any interest in attending her girl's 16th. She didn't even bother to give him a gift. There's not a chance in hell that I will go to this party, or the one she hasn't planned yet. In my mind, it was a completely disingenuous and insincere invitation, done only to relieve her own guilt for being a crappy friend that can't be bothered to call me back once in a while. In her mind, as long as she extended the invitation, then the ball is in my court. If I refuse to go, she is off the hook once again. This is true, she will be off the hook in her mind, but not in mine.

I told Hubby about this and he said that I should call her back, "Be the bigger person." However, I am sick of being the bigger person. I have been that person for over 20 years. I am always the one who does the right thing and acquieces to her nonsense. This in turn enables her to wiggle her way into my good graces again, setting me up for yet another disappointment when she decides to not be bothered with me once something more titillating comes along; whether it is a new guy, a new friend, or an old friend she reconnected with, no matter, I always rank the lowest on the list. I am tired of being that person.

So as I sit here typing this, I am trying to decide whether I should do one of the following:

1) Return the phone call, and politely decline the "invitation."
2) Don't bother to call back and let her wonder if I ever got the message.
3) Text her back declining the invitation.
4) Call her and then decide to go.

Obviously #4 is out of the question- I don't think that it would be a good idea as it would just enable her to wiggle into my good graces that I don't want her to wiggle into anymore.
#1 is the most civilized option- not sure if I am feeling civilized today.
#2 is the most uncivilized option- not even I am that rude (although she is.)
#3 is the most impersonal option- I am leaning towards this as I have no interest in actually speaking to her.

So right now I have to make a decision how to respond, as the ball is now in my court.... we shall see!

That's it and that's all for now.....

Sept 11th- Never Forget

I wanted to make this post separate from the other one since I felt it deserves it's own. Today is September 11, 2010. 9 years ago today were the tragic attacks of terrorism on our country. Thousands of innocent people lost their lives that day- both civilians and first responders. It is due to these events that we are in a war in Iraq and Afghanistan. This war has been 9 years long. Many of our nation's soldiers both young and old gave their lives there. I pray for their souls and hope that they have a place next to God up in Heaven, as they should be. Recently our president announced that the troop reduction was going into effect and the Iraqi people will now be responsible for keeping order in their own country. Afghanistan will be next. I hope that all of our troops will be home soon safe and sound and allowed to live their lives in peace. It's been a long 9 years, and although I supported president Bush for his reasons for getting involved there, I am glad that Obama was able to bring some trips home. Don't get me wrong, I am a devout Rebublican, and a Bush supporter (as unpopular as that is in some areas of the country.) I think about all of the families affected by this entire situation and pray that there is peace and recovery.

So today I will light a candle in honor of the fallen heroes, the civilian casualties of all the nations involved and pray for peace.

God Bless America- Land of the Free, Home of the Brave!!

That's it and that's all!

It's Been Awhile....

I guess it's becoming a habit to only get in here to blog every 2 months- I think about blogging, and then inexplicably become distracted by some other thing, usually involving my son.

Speaking of my son, he is now 19 months old. He's still not saying a lot of words, he currently has about 9 words: Mama, Dada, Poppa (my father), ball, butt, what, no, hi & moon. He also says "uh-huh" instead of yes when I ask him if he wants something. I have yet to get him to say "milk", which I thought he would learn quickly because it's the one thing he always asks for- he uses the sign for milk instead of saying it. He will also sign "all done" and "more" and that's about it. He recently started waving Hi and Bye and using it appropriately. His Pediatrician thinks he may have a speech delay, and I am supposed to check again at 22 months if he's not using more words he will have to go for evaluation and speech therapy. Since his 18 month checkup he went from 2-3 words to the 9 I mentioned, so he picked up a bunch this month. Hopefully he will get caught up- I really hope so, it makes me worry that he has a developmental delay. I always have the fear that he could be autistic like my nephew, who is the only other male grandchild on this side of the family. Autism affects boys more than girls, and does have a genetic connection, although we don't know of anyone with this disorder in our family, so we are not sure which side of the family has the gene- mine or my husband's, or in the case of my sister- her side or her husband's. It's never shown up before so we have no idea. So as a result, I am hyper-aware of every stage of development with my son, I am always watching for the outward signs. So far the only thing that has any concern is the language development. He seems to be social, looks people in the eye, although he is shy with new people. That could be his personality, and that in itself is not an autistic trait. He also started pointing and he does play with blocks and other toys. So this may just be a speech delay, and in that case it is easily remedied with the correct therapy. I work with him every day naming objects, and showing him things like turning on the light switch, closing the door, opening the refrigerator- all of which he LOVES to do REPEATEDLY btw... he definitely like to learn new things, so that is great. I love when he brings me his book and points to the picture of the moon- he tells me "Mun, Mun" that's how he pronounces it, lol! He also loves the picture of the monkey in the book, although he can't say that word yet. Other favorite pictures are of a girl, a goat, an elephant and a flag. Maybe these will be the next words, that remains to be seen. Another favorite thing is music- he LOVES music and dances when he hears a song he likes. He's especially fond of "Yo Gabba Gabba", "Jack's Big Music Show", "The Backyardigans" and "The Fresh Beat Band." He loves the Laurie Berkner Band, Moose and Zee, and all of the musical interludes on Nick Jr. There's a song called "Papa Moko Jumbie" that he just LOVES when it comes one..he dances to it all excitedly. So cute!!

As you can tell, I have been pretty busy with my baby lately- between work, and taking him for his swimming lessons, and shuttling him back and forth to Grandma's house, I have so little time in the day. It's gonna get more hectic starting next week because my boss leaves for China on this coming Tuesday and will be gone for 3 weeks. He had planned the trip prior to this, but had to move it up unexpectedly when we discovered that our Chinese vendors are running behind in our shipments that are supposed to get here right in the heart of our busy season. Our leadtime for product is 60 days and some of the orders are already going to be a month late and they haven't even hit production yet. My boss feels that if he is on-site then his presence will ensure that they get going on our orders and don't put anyone else's in front of ours. It's the only tactic he has to make sure we get our delivery on time, or else risk the wrath of the almighty Wal-Mart. We are going to lose some of their business come February as it is, as they have decided to take our lower level product out of their stores in favor of a competitor's, but they are keeping the premium level product. The problem is, the premium level product has less of a profit margin on it as we pay fees for the branding on them, whereas our lower level brand product (which Wal-Mart has as their store brand) is completely ours and even though it is cheaper, we make more money on it. The loss of this business is going to completely derail our 2011 sales, and to combat it we have started rolling out a new product to our international customers that we are trying to get sold here in the US. Right now we have no national distribution of this product, but our marketing department is courting the larger retail chains to get them interested. To sweeten the pot, we are offering all kinds of discounts and incentives to the retailers that take us on- and a FREE national TV ad campaign that mentions which store you can buy it at. You can't beat free promotion for your store. My company is going to put up 5 mil just for the advertising, so you know it's a serious deal. We need to replace the lost Wal-Mart sales, and for my peace of mind I hope they do. I'd hate to be job hunting again after finally finding a great job that I love. Keep your fingers crossed on this one.

Now for a Shell update: basically, she hasn't called or anything since her birthday in June. So the update is, there is nothing to tell. However, I have decided to not be bothered with her anymore. I just can't stay on the rollercoaster wondering if and when she'll return my calls or messages, or continue to think and over think why she doesn't respond, or obsess over what I possibly did to her to make her not speak to me anymore. It's too much energy to waste on someone who obviously doesn't give a crap about me. I need to move on from it. So that is my decision- let the friendship go, let it go to the great big friendship graveyard and be free of it. I have always been the one who kept the friendship alive and it takes 2 people to maintain one. She gave up reciprocating, therefore so will I. My only regret is not coming to this conclusion sooner than I did. Perhaps I never wanted to face the fact that I will truly be alone and not have a best friend any longer. The fact is- I haven't had a best friend for many years, and although I dearly miss having a best friend, I have been able to get by without her. Having my son and the responsibility of parenting helped to clarify this - I need to give 100% of my energy to worthy pursuits that enable me to be the best Mother I could possibly be. If there is something that mentally or emotionally takes me out of that zone, it's taking away from my son, and I can't allow that to happen. I need to be mentally happy and healthy for my boy, period. Therefore, it is with great sadness that I make this decision, however, the one priority I have is my son, and he will always come first. I don't have time for conditional friendships or part-time friends. My time is too valuable, and my mental health and emotional health are too valuable.

So I will sign off on that note, and hopefully things will return to normal, if there ever was normal to begin with !! :0)

That's it and that's all!!

17 months old!

I realize that I haven't made an entry in this blog in months....I've been relatively busy. My boy is 17 months old, has FINALLY given up the bottle and drinks out of the sippy exclusively. He is taking survival swimming lessons for the past 5 weeks and is finally getting used to the instructor and not screaming..lol. He climbs on the furniture, opens doors and is generally a menace, but in a good way. He's still not talking yet, per se. He says "mama" and "dada" and ironically "oh shit!" but not much else. He jabbers alot though- he has entire conversations in his own language that only he and his stuffed animals understand. He's just too damned cute!



An update on Shell: She finally called me back after getting a 40th bday card from me. I know that she went to NY for the 4th and to celebrate her bday. She didn't clue me in on whether she wanted to do a local celebration, so I didn't bring it up. As of right now, I have no clue if she is going to make the next move and bother to keep in touch with me on a regular basis. I feel that her heart and her head are in NY, and she is trying to figure out how she can make a move back there permanently. She mentioned that she wants to find a new job. I think she is looking for a job up there, personally, although she didn't say it, I read it between the lines. She also casually mentioned that her daughter wants to move up there to finish HS and if I am right it will prove to me why she's being so distant- she wants to break ties now so it won't be as hard to move away. That's my theory, it will have to play itself out before we know for sure.

Another "incident"- I had a little health scare- long story short, I had found what I thought was a lump under my breast, had it checked out by my dr and had a mammogram and ultrasound- that lump wasn't even there. The radiologist however did find a cyst in the same breast that I was unaware of, and didn't feel it because it's so deep inside the tissue. She reassured me that it was nothing to worry about and was benign. Thank the good Lord that it all turned out ok. Incidentally, I told Shell about this whole thing, and she was naturally concerned (remember she has a friend battling BC and not doing well.) I think that is the only reason why she called me semi-regularly for a week anyway. Then she went on her vacay to NY and although I have texted her, she hasn't bothered to answer me back.

Since I am in the midst of updates, I have one for "A". About a week ago he called me out of the blue at work. I didn't even remember giving him my work #, but I must have at some point. I had a couple of IM convos with him on FB and I must have given it to him. I was pretty shocked that he called, I think it's been a couple years at least since I have spoken to him. He didn't really let on what's going on with him, but I can only infer that from previous run-ins with him, that he's probably on the rocks with B. Maybe they had another fight, who knows? I kept the conversation very neutral, talking mostly about my boy, and he talked about his kids too. His son is PDD like my nephew- and I was telling him that there's hope for him, because my nephew at 8 years old has finally learned how to socialize with other boys his age and has friends in the neighborhood and stuff. I told him that his boy will get there too, as long as the whole family works with him and he has the help he needs at school. But that was the extent of the convo. We spoke about 45 min. I left off on good terms. We didn't discuss the past, thank goodness. I have no interest in rehashing all that drama. I've moved on from it.

One last thing- I attended my 20th HS reunion on 6/12/10. I decided at the last minute (literally the morning of) to go. I managed to get hair and nails done, and find a dress at Ross all in one day. It was as if I was meant to go. Although I do not look my best right now (still have baby weight, plus some) I was really glad I went. I saw a lot of people that i hadn't seen in OVER 20 years, There were a few guys I went to Middle School with that only went to HS with me until 10th grade that didn't graduate with us, that still came. It was a great nite for me. I reconnected with another one of my good friends from HS that happened to be there with her hubby (she married a Dr!) When I last saw her at the 10 yr reunion, she was engaged- now she's married with 3 kids, stay at home Mom, etc. Her parents still live in the area, so she was down here visiting a couple of weeks ago and I got to meet her out for dinner and drinks and have a girls nite out. I haven't done that in YEARS. It was so nice to be out with other ladies my age and have a nice time. And it didn't include Shell. I want to hang out with people that have nothing to do with her, so I can be my own person again. It was a great time, I hope to do it again when she comes to town. She lives in Orlando, about 20 minutes from my sister...so I hope to see her when I go up there too.


So that's it and that's all for now... Ciao!